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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex has just threatened me and stolen a set of my house keys

53 replies

whatamess19 · 10/05/2019 20:27

STBXDH was dropping DS to my house this evening after having him after school. We try to keep things amicable.

We ended up having a blazing row and he pushed me into a corner and held a just boiled kettle over me. I managed to push past him and run out into the back garden and I heard the front door slam and his car drive off. I've just realised he's stolen a set of house keys from my french doors.

I want to call the police but SIL (who I called because we are very close) said it will antagonise him so don't.

I don't know what to do. He has form for being spiteful and I'm not happy going to bed knowing he can access my house.

OP posts:
Skiptheskip · 10/05/2019 20:27

Phone the police.

PrayingandHoping · 10/05/2019 20:29

SIL as in his sister?? Ignore her!!!! As much as you might be close she won't want her brother in trouble

Phone the police!!!

Heymummee · 10/05/2019 20:29

That must have been so scary for you, I’m sorry you had to go through that and I hope you are ok.
Firstly I would call the police regardless. Is there anyone who can stay over with you tonight? Do you have another key for the door which you can keep inside the lock so he can’t unlock it from the outside? I would consider getting a locksmith out too to change it as soon as possible.

justasking111 · 10/05/2019 20:30

Phone the police now it could be worse next time.

S1naidSucks · 10/05/2019 20:31

So are you going to spend the rest of your life terrified of this piece of shit or are you going to let him see that you won’t be bullied? What about YOU set a good example to your child and show him that decent men don’t behave like that and assholes are reported? Phone the police, OP.

Windygate · 10/05/2019 20:31

Get off MN and phone the police. He held a kettle of boiling water over you in front of his DC!!!!

Original poster
whatamess19 · 10/05/2019 20:32

Thanks all for the quick replies. I think I'm in shock. We've been separated for 2 years and this brought back all the old memoriies and I'm shaking.

Good idea re putting the keys in the lock. Thank you.

Is it appropriate to call 101?

OP posts:
kbPOW · 10/05/2019 20:32

Absolutely call the police and don't speak to your ex SIL. She does not have your best interest at heart.

Original poster
whatamess19 · 10/05/2019 20:33

DS was up in his room thank god.

And yes to the PP who said I need to set an example to my DS. Thanks for the arse kick. I really need it x

OP posts:
gamerchick · 10/05/2019 20:33

Phone the police before next time becomes you being covered in a just boiled kettle.

Do it now and ask them for help.

kbPOW · 10/05/2019 20:33

He held a just boiled kettle over your head and has taken the keys to your house. Call 999.

S1naidSucks · 10/05/2019 21:58

How are you OP? Did you phone the police?

Elliemayclampett · 10/05/2019 22:00

Hoping police have been and you are safe

JaneEyre07 · 10/05/2019 22:05

Dear God, why would you not report this?

GiveMeFood12 · 10/05/2019 22:07

Call the police.

If possible could you change the barrel inside the lock ASAP
My dad did mine and it gave me a new set of keys too - didn't take him very long. Think a general builder could do this for you quite cheaply if you don't have anyone to ask / couldn't do it yourself.

EKGEMS · 10/05/2019 22:10

Rooting for you OP keep your head on a swivel and call the police

Borderterrierpuppy · 10/05/2019 22:12

Police op
Don’t minimise this, what he did was absolutely awful, please phone them.

makingmiracles · 10/05/2019 22:24

Police immediately.
Has he got keys for front and back door? Do you have the money available to call an emergency’s locksmith, or if you don’t, is there anyone’s who could lend you the money? You really need it sorts tonight, are the locks those type where a key in the other side would prevent another key opening it?

RLEOM · 10/05/2019 22:26

Phone the police and call out an emergency locksmith to change the locks. This man sounds dangerous.

Original poster
whatamess19 · 10/05/2019 22:31

Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart. I know this is troll101 but I had massive self doubt and knew I could rely on MN to give my head a wobble.

I called 101 and they were amazing. There is a history of DV but the last recorded incident was in 2014 and I thought they wouldn't be interested but they are.

They have arranged for a local patrol to come around at some point this evening. They know I have an 8yo in bed. They texted me a link to NCDV and advised me to call 999 if he returns.

I have put keys in all of the downstairs locks and checked all the windows. To be fair I feel a bit of a fraud and a police time waster as X is a classic psychological abuser rather than an actual threat. Still managed to rattle my cage though. I've just made a tea and a hot water bottle and watching crap on TV.

Again, thank you all so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatamess19 · 10/05/2019 22:35

And in answer to PP he doesn't have keys to front door, just back door and french windows.

OP posts:
aweedropofsancerre · 10/05/2019 22:36

He held a kettle over you with boiling hot water and you think your wasting police time and his sister advises you not to call the police as it will make it worse? I knew someone who was separated for over a year and her ex was seeing someone else, he ended up coming back to her house and they had a row and he killed her....please don't minimize this mans abuse

S1naidSucks · 10/05/2019 22:36

Well done OP. Are they going to arrest him? You should be prepared for your sip to start giving you shit tomorrow and trying to get you to withdraw your complaint. I hope you get a good nights sleep. 💐

category12 · 10/05/2019 22:37

You're not a time waster. He held a hot kettle over you.

LizB62A · 10/05/2019 22:39

Well done x

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