Affair? Not affair? Help me please

[Barneybibblebottom]

Last week OH was behaving very out of character, due I think to unusual stresses at work, he went out all day (7 hours) alone without telling me ( we were supposed to spend the day together) stayed out all night at a mutual male friends and came home at 6.45 am.
Due to this, when I saw he left his phone in the bathroom, I had a look (wrong I know)
He’d recieved a text from a woman he works with that was suggestive and saying when’s he’s free can they talk.
He unlocked the bathroom door from the outside at that point and came in, something he would never do, Possibly because he realised he’d left his phone in there with me?
I asked him about the message, he said that’s what’s she’s like to everyone, but denied any knowledge of her fancying him .
So, I still felt very uncomfortable about this, so found his phone bill and looked through it, I can see that he has text her regularly, 11 texts at 1am onwards on one occasion and most days , morning and evening during Feb, not much lately but of course I wouldn’t know if he was using whatsapp . he admitted last night that he did know she fancied him, that others at work had told him, I asked him about all the text messages this morning and he was very angry and went off to work refusing to talk about it.
I feel like I’m going crazy here, he told me I’m paranoid, am I??

Sorry, he text her most days from December up to Feb, then not much showing on phone bill

You’re not going crazy! If he felt the need to unlock the bathroom door from the outside while you were in there as he knew his phone was there, that’s a massive tell tale sign he has something to hide. I wouldn’t care if my phone was left in the bathroom, I’d get it once the person was out. He’s playing you for a fool I’m afraid and rushing off to work and refusing to talk about it?? No he’s not refusing to talk about, he’s biding himself some time to come up with a explanation that might sound legit. He’s a dick, yeah sure she may fancy him but I guarantee she’s hearing different stories about you and him not painting u in a good light whatsoever.
In my experience, you may move past but you’ll find it hard totrust him again and always wonder when he goes out on his own ‘what’s he up to’. You’ll send yourself crazy wondering. It’s not you, it’s him x

He is shagging her op....

I vote for affair or at least emotional one.

Sorry op but unlocking the door from the outside is very weird IMO.

I did think it was really weird with the bathroom door, especially as I was sat on the loo! He made out he was getting something from his wash bag, but nothing urgent that couldn’t wait 5 minutes 😡

He totally freaked about you finding that message and looking at his phone.
Doesn’t bode well

He’d deleted all the previous messages between them, I know from the phone bill there was loads, so that bothers me too .I’m not sure what I can do, if he keeps denying anything’s going on, what more can I do about it? How could I prove it? It’s honestly making me feel ill, I can’t stop thinking about it all and that maybe I am paranoid and suspicious like he says and I’ve got it all wrong

OP you need to be rational.
You have said your self there is plenty of messages over an extended period of time so do you really think you’re wrong?

You don't actually need proof. You're no longer comfortable in the relationship (it would seem) and you are free to break things off for the reasons you have listed above. Indeed, you are free to leave him for absolutely no reasons at all!

You don’t need to prove it.

It’s bloody clear he’s cheating. Proof changes nothing. Leave/tell him to leave.

It's not a court of law.
You don't need proof but I totally understand you wanting to find some.
But he is following the cheaters script to the letter here OP.
You must know that.
Are you married?
Do you have a mortgage together?
You know what has happened here.
It's just getting your head around it that will be this issue.

Sorry but he's cheating. He's also gaslighting you.

Make plans to leave - or chuck him out. He's a piece of trash.

What an asshole, get rid

Massive alarm bells. Nobody needs their phone that urgently unless they're hiding something.

*Regular texting for 3 months, morning and evening
*11 messages at 1:00 a.m.
*Staying out all day and night
*Suggestive message from her
*Unlocking bathroom door to get phone
*Storming off when questioned
*Deflecting blame to you by calling you paranoid

Yes, affair.

yes he is definitely having an affair.

facts.

but like another poster said it’s court - you don’t need proof.its up to u to decide if u want to leave

Oh op I'm sorry but it's over. You can't trust him. It's not a court of law, you don't need to prove it to anybody else.

I don't understand, op

You have clear proof he is up to no good. The messages, his behaviour, his calling you paranoid to get you to stfu

What more do you require ? Unless you need to actually witness him mid-shag you know what you have seen.

Wake up and smell the coffee!

Yes certainly cheating.

Are you the poster who's boyfriend is looking for work outside of the UK and just got turned down for one in saudi?

If so fucking leave him already!

Its not paranoia when he's so shady
Dump him

he went out all day (7 hours) alone without telling me ( we were supposed to spend the day together) stayed out all night at a mutual male friends and came home at 6.45 am

I very much doubt he was where he said he was.

I'm really sorry OP. I agree, there is something between them. This would be all the evidence I would need.

I too would be of the mind that he's cheating.

Very suspect.