How do I get over him sleeping with someone else?

[Tinkerbellisnotafairy]

We broke up for about a month, and within that time he slept with someone else - twice. He says it didn't mean anything, and it was just a desperate way to get over the pain of breaking up with me. But now we're back together I just can't seem to get past it. I really try, but on the evenings when I don't see him, I can't stop wondering if he's seeing her, and I can't stop thinking about them being together.

I really want to make it work with him (it was completely my fault that we broke up, I didn't think I could handle a relationship whilst in the middle of an albeit amicable divorce). HOW do I get over this?

The sleeping with someone else while on a break is one thing and get overable with some work, but he’s not putting the effort in to get over it and move forward, he’s just organising everyone in a way that suits him only, with no thought for you or her. If he really wanted to make things work with you and remain friends with her he’d need to be totally honest with her about you and if he meant that he’s only wanting friendship with her and that she’s an important friend he doesn’t want to lose he should be bringing you into that friendship, even if it’s only an introduction, rather than hiding it away, keeping her separate and in the dark about you. Personally I’d call his bluff. Tell him he’s not being open and honest with her or you and as a consequence you don’t think it’s going to work. He will either wriggle and make excuses or he will put things right to avoid losing you again..

I honestly think they're still shagging.

I think they are too

I think he's sleeping with you both and telling you the same story. It sounds like a typical thing a player would do and he hasn't treated you both very well has he? You can tell by the fact he's casually slept with her then supposedly told her he's not interested... He doesn't sound very nice

I think he is as well

and then managed to get his dick wet TWICE within a couple of weeks of us breaking up.

This is very unfair of you and shows how you feel about him.

Let him go and sort yourself out.

I’ve already acknowledged that saying that was out of order...

Update - he has told her that he’s back with me, and is happy for me to meet her.

It’s ridiculous that you’re upset he slept with someone else when you weren’t together. He was a free agent and doesn’t owe you an explanation. If you can’t get over it, and if you can’t trust him, then end it. Life is away too short for that sort of nonsense, especially when you’ve only been together for a year.

@RLEOM If I've learnt anything about men during a breakup, it's that they're dogs. They need female attention and to chase a bit of skirt as soon as a breakup occurs. Bizarrely, my personal experience is the opposite.

But the fact is that there have been plenty of threads on MN where the woman has been told to "best way to get over someone is get under someone else" or a woman has not long been out of a relationship and is already dating and on here asking if it's too soon.

In other words, it's not about gender but the person.

@shatnersWig clearly I've been dating the wrong kind of people!

I've always been the type to ride the pain train for at least 6 months and then I feel ready to start dating again. Never understood how some search for attention or new partners straight away. 🤷‍♀️

@RLEOM I’m the same! But I guess everyone is different 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, thanks everyone for the advice. I will probably ask for this post to be taken down as in hindsight it’s quite outing!