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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why does he do this?

65 replies

Isitover12 · 06/05/2019 15:03

So first time poster, dp has been doing things that annoy me even after I ask him not to and then says sorry when he has pushed it too far.

For instance he knows my shoulders have been sore since having DD so the other day he came up behind me while I was on the floor with DD and tried sitting on my shoulder to get his dck near my head. Reminded him not to do it as I also had a headache, so not ten minutes later was pulling at my neck for a kiss.. and I said look I’ve told you so he starts sulking! Or he’ll tell DD to shut up, or try and teach her the word bumbaclt, even after I’ve said it isn’t funny don’t do it.

We have had our fair share of problems, he has hardly been helpful since having DD, or even before but has improved very slightly still a lazy sod though and want do anything proactively. Stuff like changing DD nappy or giving her a bit of water I have to remind him to do.

Anyway my question is why does he do all of this?

OP posts:

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 06/05/2019 15:06

Cause he is a cunt?

Sorry to be so blunt. I am sure there will be more detailed posts. But this is what it comes down too.

category12 · 06/05/2019 15:07

You do find that the things you could tolerate before having dc become very old indeed after having them. Did you expect him to step up?

Skiptheskip · 06/05/2019 15:07

Because he’s a twat, and because you put up with it.

Ellabella989 · 06/05/2019 15:10

He sounds horribly immature and also a bit of a cunt! My dh wouldn’t behave like this as I would make it crystal clear how angry I was

BayandBlonde · 06/05/2019 15:10

This is why I'm happy being single

He is a selfish twat. My ex was similar, more pushy though with the dick stuff and trying to be 'sexy'. He wasn't sex, just fucking annoying

bigchris · 06/05/2019 15:11

He sounds grim op

StickOfRhubarb · 06/05/2019 15:11

Fucking hell he sounds like an absolute twat.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/05/2019 15:13

Because he can is the answer to your last question. He also feels entitled to act as he does and honestly feels he has done nothing wrong here with regards to you. Not all that surprised to read you have had and are having your fair share of problems with him. He is really no partner to you at all and you'd be better off on your own.

He is also an abusive man. And in turn he is emotionally abusing his daughter as well as you as her mother. Silent treatment is an example of emotional abuse as is teaching her to shut up as is teaching her to say rude words too. What if she repeated that word to an adult in say a nursery setting?. How is that going to look?.

What are you getting out of this relationship?. Do you really want her growing up seeing such a man like her father here as an example of how men behave in relationships?. I would hope otherwise.

Womens Aid are worth talking to here as well on 0808 2000 247. Plan your exit from this with care and do not let your DD grow up thinking her dad's behaviours are normal or what men do in relationships.

Original poster

Isitover12 · 06/05/2019 20:12

I didn’t think he’d change, more like I hoped he would. DD was an accident, the most beautiful and most precious accident one I’ll never regret.. when I found out I was expecting I thought I should at least try to make it work, why some of you may ask just so I could look my little girl in the eye one day and say I tried.

I never thought he was emotionally abusive until tonight. DD was having a bath, she was tired and has been teething but was quite content having a quick wash, along comes DP jumps out yelling boo knowing full well she didn’t know he was there so naturally she begins to cry, so he tells her to shut up. Then I tried to get the remaining shampoo out of her hair and he decides to splash so much water on her head that it goes over her face too and into her eyes. Oh by this point I was raging inside.. told him to get out of my sight, if I wasn’t holding DD I think I would have lost it! After all of this he simply says I think I have annoyed her enough.. almost 2hrs later I have finally got her to sleep.

So that’s it, think it’s time I sorted out my endgame with him. And I think the term cunt is totally acceptable!

OP posts:

TooTrueToBeGood · 06/05/2019 20:16

He can't handle not being the centre of your attention now that you have a child. Basically, he's an immature, self-centered prick.

Original poster

Isitover12 · 06/05/2019 20:47

Yup, just as I think ok he is improving.. slowly but still bang he takes so many steps back I wonder why I even bother.

OP posts:

Wallywobbles · 06/05/2019 20:51

Just quit. Really. It's only going down hill from here.

HollowTalk · 06/05/2019 20:54

You'll feel like you're on holiday if you got rid of him.

Ragwort · 06/05/2019 20:55

I had to read your opening post three times to understand .... you are with a man who sits on your shoulders so he can get his dick near your head?.. . Are you mad? Just leave him, what a horrible, toxic environment to bring a child up in.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 06/05/2019 20:57

He's jealous of his own child. He's a nasty excuse for a father. You're right to get rid.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 06/05/2019 20:59

Oh, yes, and that business with his cock and your shoulders is grim. If he's that insensitive he must be a terrible lover.

Original poster

Isitover12 · 06/05/2019 21:04

@Ragwort, I mean he had his boxers on but yes. I think I’m madly work down by it all.

DD and I would be better off without him, even telling her to shush while we were out for lunch.. she gets very chatty when eating as she just enjoys it (she is 7 months btw) I don’t want anyone surpressing her spirit not like she was screaming the restaurant down just chatting away and I love her for that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Isitover12 · 07/05/2019 12:29

So advice when it’s come to me getting my ducks in a row, do I still act like normal or can I be distant which is how I feel?

OP posts:

WienerDiva · 07/05/2019 12:45

Good on you for planning to build a brighter future for you and your dd.

DD's dad sounds like a bellend.

As for how you act, do what gets you through but doesn't compromise your safety or that of your dd.

What do you need to get sorted before you end it?

justthecat · 07/05/2019 12:52

What’s your living situation like? Would it be easy enough just to kick him out?

Original poster

Isitover12 · 07/05/2019 14:26

I’d need to find somewhere for DD and I to stay although I could go stay with family until I secure a place.

He owns the property so I wouldn’t even be able to kick him out.

Will be so nice to be rid, feel like I’ve been living someone else’s life.

OP posts:

MsDogLady · 07/05/2019 15:51

Protect your baby and leave this cruel man as soon as possible.

He abused DD when he intentionally jumped out to frighten her, told her to shut up, and splashed water all over her head/face, getting shampoo and water in her eyes.

He is a horrible person and I would not leave him alone with her.

justthecat · 07/05/2019 16:23

I’d just leave if you can, the fact you don’t trust him around her says it all and I’m sure he’s not going to improve his behaviour

Original poster

Isitover12 · 07/05/2019 19:12

@MsDogLady, I’ve not left her alone with him at all today, he is in a bad mood anyway so stay out of our way too. But won’t be leaving him alone with her now! Even ‘joked’ that’s his term, about slapping her today if she had started crying while we were in traffic which really concerns me and just left a sick feeling in my stomach. So I need to get out soon.

OP posts:

MsDogLady · 07/05/2019 19:44

Joking about slapping a baby? That is horrifying. PLEASE GET OUT SOON.

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