Why does he do this?

[Isitover12]

So first time poster, dp has been doing things that annoy me even after I ask him not to and then says sorry when he has pushed it too far.

For instance he knows my shoulders have been sore since having DD so the other day he came up behind me while I was on the floor with DD and tried sitting on my shoulder to get his dck near my head. Reminded him not to do it as I also had a headache, so not ten minutes later was pulling at my neck for a kiss.. and I said look I’ve told you so he starts sulking! Or he’ll tell DD to shut up, or try and teach her the word bumbaclt, even after I’ve said it isn’t funny don’t do it.

We have had our fair share of problems, he has hardly been helpful since having DD, or even before but has improved very slightly still a lazy sod though and want do anything proactively. Stuff like changing DD nappy or giving her a bit of water I have to remind him to do.

Anyway my question is why does he do all of this?

Thank goodness you and DD are safe! Get all the support you can and stay resolute. He may try to lure you back, but don’t fall for it.

Try to not feel guilty. You have rescued DD and yourself and that took much courage. This route is different than what you initially planned, but it is the right one for DD’s health and happiness—and yours too.

Have you considered individual counseling to help you on this journey?

Delighted to read that you are both safe. Perhaps you should register with your local police that you have left your partner for your child's safety as he had hurt her deliberately and had threatened to slap her.
They will then have a record of this if he seeks you out.
Others might have better advice on this subject.
Good luck.

Well done for leaving! You have done the best thing for her and she will definitely have the best life without him there telling her to shut up and scaring her.
You are a great mum for protecting her.

Thank God you are both out.
Good luck x x x

So glad we are out too, definitely looking back I should have got out so much sooner.. from the moment I was going into his flat to clean it whilst heavily pregnant (he relocated before I fell pregnant so we weren’t living together) I should have said I am not doing this as a couple. He got away with far to much, everytime I thought ok that’s enough he’d do something so basic like change DDs nappy and because he’d never do it somehow it seemed like I was indebted to him.. how truly messed up, a nappy change is something he should do without me feeling like it’s the best thing he has done but really if someone isn’t doing much at all anything would seem amazing as opposed to the usual.

Still afraid he is going to try and see if he can go for residency, but his lack of interest while we were living together might be an indicator to that.

Well done.
He sounds like an utter disgrace of a man.
You're daughter sounds lovely 😍

Thank you @KeepCoolCalmAndCollected. She really is such a dream, spirited and happy.. love her more everyday!

As for ExP, he is, it’s almost like he just can’t step up. I don’t know if it’s selfishness, laziness or that he is just a psycho, hell perhaps all three! He wasn’t the best since her birth but this week, the things he has said and done I couldn’t take it anymore. Can cover things up as jokes but saying you’d slap your daughter for crying, even if you say it’s a joke isn’t on. The night before I left he told me when he was younger he wanted to punch a sheep.. disturbing.. so I asked when he says young how old as you know they say it’s a sign of a psychopath, he says 18.. 18! I had decided I was going to leave him anyway but in that moment knew I couldn’t wait.

God the more I read about other people's partners I'm quite happy with my boring one.
He sounds like a dick sorry to say. But he's not respecting, your personal boundaries or feelings. Smack him in the balls next time he does that with his dick to you. It's not on.

Hi OP, massive congrats on having the strength to get our for you and your DDs sake. You are a strong woman!
How is your ex taking it so far? Just be prepared for awful behaviour on his part and yes, he may threaten to go for residency but always remember, that is all it is - threats! My ex did the same and I got so worked up and stressed about it. He had zero intentions of doing it as he can barely manage every other weekend with our kids.
Don't engage with him at all unless its about DD.

I am so so pleased to read your updates, you are an amazing role model for your daughter by finding the strength to leave. Please don’t let guilt get you down - life rarely turns out like we hoped but at least you can hold your head up high as you are a trier and you demand the respect you and your child deserve.
On a serious note, please get it on formal record what he said/did...you can go to the police and ask where best, a solicitor or ask social work too...they are not The Boogey Man they want your child safe and secure just like you do. It will help if he ever tries to push for joint custody etc.
Well done you!

Yeah he is emotionally abusive.

You and your baby be much better off without him.

@crappyday2018 at the moment he is having a pity party. Telling me he doesn’t want to be a part time dad, that we will be like the 50% of couples that don’t make it after having a baby, that he thought he had changed and I just wasn’t communicating enough. No doubt a few days and he’ll change his tone!

@MrsTeaspoon, can I report it as I have no proof of what was said?

Hi All,

Thought I’d give an update.

So still separated from the ex, but have had his mother on the phone telling me while his comments are inappropriate I should know he would never hit his child or me. Also that before leaving him I should have asked her to speak to him and tell him to stop. Really bizzare and just additional stress for me.

Other than that DD is as happy as ever and me, taking each day as it comes. Some days I feel the guilt and fear for the future, others I am hopeful and feel free.

Sounds like you're better off without all of them! You don't have to run anything by her.
You are more than capable of making your own choices. It's not your fault her son is such a shit bag!

Hi OP. You are absolutely doing the right thing for your daughter and yourself. Don’t allow his intruding mother to put a guilt trip on you. His abusive behavior was despicable, and I felt ill reading about his tormenting your poor baby by dumping water over her head and face.

Stay strong, OP!