What is this??

[YellowAardvark]

I need advice!

I’ve been friends with a man for a little while, a few years. We used to only see each other in a group but over the past while we’ve started meeting for lunch more often just us, and still seeing each other for drinks in a group but never arranging to meet alone for a drink. Times we’ve had a drink alone in the past have been because others have pulled out or gone home early etc.

He’s asked me if I wanted to have lunch twice in the last couple of weeks, but then last week he asked me if I wanted to meet him for a drink just us. I said yes and we agreed we’d go Saturday evening.

Is this a date? I have no idea and don’t want to misread the situation. It feels different somehow but don’t want to overthink it.

I would say it's a very casual date, but then I have no idea about dating these days.

It sounds a good idea though, because it'll be easy to just keep it friendly if you feel no spark.

If he specifically said "just me and you" then yes I think he intends it as a date.

I wouldn't go massively dolling yourself up or anything, just slightly tweak your normal look. Like if you'd normally be wearing t-shirt jeans and trainers, go for the same jeans but with a more structured top and shoes rather than trainers - sandals or a slight heel (not 6 inch stripper heels!)

If you don't normally wear make up when you see him, I'd keep it really light.

Yes it is a date, I would ignore @FuriousVexation, you don’t need to change anything. He likes you as you are. Just treat it as any other get together, if this is what you want

If anyone turned up to a date with me dressed like they hadn't made a bit more effort than normal, it would definitely be a thumbs down. So I would just ignore AliceWond

@FuriousVexation if he likes her for as she is, why should she suddenly change? Especially to

“ a more structured top and shoes rather than trainers - sandals or a slight heel (not 6 inch stripper heels!)

If you don't normally wear make up when you see him, I'd keep it really light.”

God what decade did you grow up
In?

How about OP decides how they want to appear for the meetup. There are no rules, they might be so stunning that turning up in a bin liner will ace the date and next thing we know we're all buying the obligatory MN wedding hat.

@daisychain01 agreed 😃

@Alicewond

Haha maybe I will wear a bin liner.

Wondering what to wear is part of the problem though. I’d dress differently for a date.

I do like furious advice about taking it up a notch

But alice also makes a fair point that he already knows what I look like.

It’s tricky.

I second the furious advice. Make a bit of effort if you like him and enjoy the idea of this date.

Why don't you ask him what he views it as?

How do YOU feel about him OP? Could he be date material. I've got loads of male friends but none of them would I be putting a more structured top on for

I think he’s worth putting on a more structured top for

"This"is your future DH!

Mmmm....structured you say ; )

I think all you can do is go and scope out how structured his top is (or bottom for that matter)

I'm with Furious. A bit more effort but not OTT.
We probably grew up in the same decade.

I would have said it was a date. Do you want it to be a date?

'would you?' ya know ;) ;)

Lol if you like him maybe just wear something nice. But if you aren't 100% sure it is a date or he likes you in that way, just don't wear anything that shows boob or leg.

I'm with furious too. If you don't make any effort at all, he might be a bit meh. If you overdo it, he might be worried. Jeans, shoes, nice top.

Well I went and it was horrible. We went to the place he chose and he was there at a table even with a candle and we spent a few hours there which was lovely. Moved to three different bars and after 6 hours of that (!) in the last bar it came up and I said I could be more and he said no, never, he doesn’t see me like that and never will and he matched with a girl online two weeks ago he’s chatting to (but not met yet) and wants to pursue things with her. Then he put me in a taxi and barely said goodbye.

I’m really sad. And don’t know what to do next regarding our friendship.

Maybe I should have worn a structured top.

FWIW he was dressed nicely too - shirt etc. More dressy than usual. I wore a nice dress.

Sorry to hear that, OP. You tried. Some you win, some you lose.

Well it sounded like a date. As he already knows you what was he thinking he was doing? He should have either made it perfectly clear when he asked or there’s plenty of ways of being ‘mates out for a fun night’ as opposed to ‘guy and girl trying to get to know each other better’. I mean six hours talking and he never mentioned this other girl til the end? Hmmmm...