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Original poster

He said respect is earned

90 replies

Canthearthroughmyglasses · 03/05/2019 08:00

So I am one of those boring people who lead a normal life. I have few but good friends. I have been seeing this guy who said this to me. What would you say to them? I have never done anything on his behalf, or anyone’s for that matter, so I was quite surprised to be honest, your thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
Canthearthroughmyglasses · 03/05/2019 08:29

Thanks for this. Yeah I think I can trust my own judgment here as all of the above is also something I implement in my life one way or another.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 03/05/2019 08:30

Depends on the context but in this context he sounds like a twat

ShatnersWig · 03/05/2019 08:30

I did say I knew my worth and I wasn’t going to be spoken to like that

Please don't tell me you are still seeing him though? The correct thing to do after saying that would have been to get up and leave and say "I no longer wish to see you" and block him on your phone. If you are still seeing this guy, WHY THE FUCK???

ChristmasFluff · 03/05/2019 08:30

What would I have said?

'Goodbye'.

Broken11Girl · 03/05/2019 08:30

I was about to ask about the context, but just saw your next post OP. Nah. Dump the controlling twat.

Sexnotgender · 03/05/2019 08:31

Oh he sounds utterly dreadful! Run like the wind.

MummyofTw0 · 03/05/2019 08:31

I think he's showing his true personality

I would give him a wide birth

AWishForWingsThatWork · 03/05/2019 08:34

Yikes! Please dump him! You deserve better.

SammySamSam09 · 03/05/2019 08:35

I would have said "and now you've just lost mine" and walked away never to see him again.

eurochick · 03/05/2019 08:38

Bye bye loser.

AnyOldPrion · 03/05/2019 08:41

We were discussing normal things and I said that it sounded like he had no respect for me to which he replied that I would have to earn it

Shrug. “Don’t think I’ll bother thanks.

Bye!”

category12 · 03/05/2019 08:41

Next!

RussellSprout · 03/05/2019 08:42

Tell him he also has to earn YOUR respect, and he's just irretrievably lot it. What a bell end. Tell him to get to fuck.

isabellerossignol · 03/05/2019 08:42

It's funny that people who say this always think they are the exception because of course they deserve respect automatically.

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 03/05/2019 08:43

Controlling! The only appropriate action is to dump. You owe him nothing! You ghost him or text him once, 'This relationship no longer works for me so I am ending it. Goodbye.'

RubberTreePlant · 03/05/2019 08:45

Oh sweetheart, this is someone you're "seeing"? Drop him like a hot brick. That's an enormous red flag.

Yabbers · 03/05/2019 08:45

My response would be “and with comments like that, you won’t be earning mine”

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/05/2019 08:46

Crikey! He is a total pillock, isn't he?

Firstly he is speaking to you aggressively enough for you to feel the need to defend yourself - not really the act of someone looking for an equal, loving relationship!

Then he tells you quite plainly that he has no respect for you as you have not earned it - so he is Mr Superior and you had best know your place! Again, not at all charming and signifies your lesser place in his world view.

I would have walked away at that point, telling him his overwheening arrogance is decidedly unattractive!

RubberTreePlant · 03/05/2019 08:47

My ex used to say that, he turned out to be an abusive twat,

Yes, mine too. A whole lifetime ago, but looking back, it was one of the earliest clues.

Aussiebean · 03/05/2019 08:48

Oh yes. With that context he is an arse.

There is basic respect for everyone, the respect earned as leader of their field and many other types.

But thinking you can be disrespectful to someone because they haven’t reached some mythical status is a massive red flag.

MyCatHogsTheBed · 03/05/2019 08:50

He has said other things to, this was said because I interrupted him after he was speaking aggressively to me. We were discussing normal things and I said that it sounded like he had no respect for me to which he replied that I would have to earn it

FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

I wouldn't be trying to earn anything from him. I'd be out of there before the next verbally abusive string of words crystallized on his bad mysogynistic abusive breath.

SandyY2K · 03/05/2019 08:53

I agree with the statement, however based on this because I interrupted him after he was speaking aggressively to me. I'd get rid of him.

DanSal · 03/05/2019 08:53

Ditch him. Immediately!

ShatnersWig · 03/05/2019 08:54

I say this kindly, OP, but it's only been a couple of months since you left an abusive relationship. Are you sure you are in the right place to be dating again? You are not giving the impression that you actually dumped this bloke, and that just standing up to him is all that is necessary. Yet there is a clear red flag that on other occasions he has spoken aggressively to you and you should have called it a day immediately at that point. Why didn't you?

I think you may need to spend some more time getting in the right place before dating.

Namenic · 03/05/2019 08:55

I said that to my husband in early years of marriage. Context was that we would argue and I would question statements he made (to him aggressively but to me it seemed like debate). He asked why I didn’t ‘respect’ him. I interpreted this as him asking why I didn’t just trust his opinion - So I said respect had to be earned.

What I meant was: if he was asking me to take his opinion without questioning, he would have to demonstrate by previous behaviour and reasoning that I could trust it. I stand by this opinion though I do agree people should be respected as a basic thing (eg listened to and choices accepted).

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