Am I being pathetic with this boundary I've created ?

[Tinkerbellx]

So .... dp and I have been together 2 1/2 years .
I never imagined for a minute in real life I would ever meet someone I loved so much.
He is the most kind, caring,respectful man I have ever met and I feel so lucky .
He gets on really well with my dd age 8 and I felt so happy when , he asked her to come and help choose his new dog.
He's always had a dog and it's taken him 6 months to be able to get another one after losing the last one .
We're planning on moving in together next year so he took on board this ( choosing a child friendly dog that we all liked . )
The puppy is adorable .... and big it's a greyhound .

So .... When I had a dog years ago he was never allowed upstairs .... I guess with 4 babies I just preferred to keep them downstairs .
I've never had dogs in he bedroom either and certainly not on the bed .
Also I'll admit I'm a bit of a clean freak and he is the opposite .
He has a daily housekeeper and a cleaner .... the dog sleeps upstairs on or next to his bed .
Someone else half cleans up .

He thinks it's funny that I won't sleep on his bed until we've changed the sheets ( yellow , covered in dog hairs , dog smell and bits of god knows what when a greyhound has hung out on it all day and night ) .
I have had a conversation with him and said I appreciate his relationship with the dog and hope he doesnt mind me saying but I will not sleep in a bed the dog has been in and will not have the dog on the bed .
When he comes to mine I have relaxed with the upstairs rule ( cream carpet covered in muddy paw prints now ) , relaxed the bedroom boundary and have the bed next to him, but I will NOT have him on the bed .
So every time we sleep together at either house .... dog jumps on bed and he just says ' uh oh .... xxxxx doesn't really like you on the bed "
I have recently intervened and dragged him by the collar and shouted ( No ) !
Get down .
Also he leaves the bedroom door open so the dog just naturally gets on he bed right on my pillow !
So we had our first argument recently .
Planned night away .
Beautiful cottage .
Came to bed all ready for romance .... dog on bed .
He'd never seen me angry really but I think it shocked him that I slammed the door and told him he could sleep with the bloody dog !

He seemed shocked that it had upset me so much I had raised my voice .

Better shorten this now ..... he seemed to ask dog to get down more after understanding that for me this was an actual thing I can't cope with .
Don't think he realised how much I meant it .
So we talked about how good his puppy is and that if we're living together in a few months it would be really helpful if he got the dog used to not sleeping in or on the bed as mixed messages are confusing .
This evening I Skyped him and the dogs asleep on the bed next to him .

Part of me feels really selfish .... his house his dog .
Another part of me is really really unhappy that as we're living together in a few months and this is the only thing I have ever told him I'm not happy with he's just not going to to get it .
I really cannot sleep with a dog on the bed or in a bed that a dog has been in al day .
Maybe I should post this in that AIBU thread ?
But am I ?
Please be honest ?
He's no dc and been flipping brilliant with mine .
He has a dog and I'm making demands already ?
Sorry for rant x

There's no way I'd sleep in a doggy bed! If also be pissed off that he's giving you lip service but ignoring your wishes. That's not ok. You've asked him politely then had an argument and he still hasn't bothered to try to train the puppy.

Why can’t he keep the house keeper on? I don’t see that moving in with you is a good reason to stop that if that’s what he’s become accustomed to.

My stupid husband brought our dog upstairs and now he constantly comes up but that’s mostly when we are up there. He sleeps downstairs. He’s non moulting but I like my space and wouldn’t want to share it. Sounds like your partner isn’t interested in compromise and your housework standards are very different. I’d be re-thinking moving in together.

Why can’t he keep the house keeper on?

Foxmuffin, it's certainly a conversation to have. Not everyone wants to have staff in their house, op may not. But she hasn't been back, so who knows.

Love my dog she comes onto our bed for cuddles and she and cats sleep on it during the day on top of a huge throw.

No way would I let any of them sleep with us or in the bed.

It's a deal breaker of living together IMHO

My dog sleeps in our room but he sleeps in his own bed.

You say that you don't have a problem with what he does at his own hour but it's not fair on the dog to let him get used to this then change it when you move in together. If he's ok with this then let him crack on, however you make it clear that this is a deal breaker if it happens when you are actually living together. That at no point can he come back with "ah but it would be cruel not to let him because he's used to it".
That surely it's better to be cruel to be kind now, and nip it in the bud.

Tbf he probably likes it on his own but will be willing to stop when he has you for permanent company, but this still doesn't stop it being unfair to the dog long term. Point this out.

I'm a dog owner but the only time he sleeps on my bed is if I'm very ill + want company when everyone else is out. That said, my sons often have him upstairs in this rooms when I'm not there.

...their rooms...

You aren't being unreasonable by not liking it BUT he is great and loving with your DC, he likes his dog in bed and your saying no and having arguments with him about it?

I know children aren't dogs (obviously) but it seems like you want him to change his whole life, take on your children and loose his best friend in bed with him which he obviously loves?

I think you need to calm down with it, maybe say dog can sleep in bedroom if he washes him after walks or trips outside, get a nice dog bed so he sleeps on the floor in the room happily? It seems like the relationship is him just doing what you want?

YANBU but mark my words - that dog will be sleeping in your bed and YOU will have Invited him!

I don't even like DP touching my pillow so it's YANBU from me!

Things is, he is a dog person and if you split up, he'll always have the dog. Does he love you more than the dog?

Never mind the dog, is your BF house trained?

just re-read the bit about the daily housekeeper, so you have FOUR kids, the DP who tramples your boundaries and is used to being looked after and a confused dog.

I dont think you are being at all unreasonable - I don’t have an issue with dogs per see - I grew up with labs - but our dogs were always downstairs dogs. I recently dating a quite lovely woman for a couple of months but I ended things because she is a dog person and I am not. I realized early on that everything would be centered around the dog ( and cats) - we could only ever meet at hers because of the dog - couldn’t go out to eat unless the dog could come to restaurant - had to take dog for a late night walk - round 11ish in the evening - every night for an hour - even though dog had a long morning walk and a walk round 6 in the evening. She is a tutor and used to only take students whose parents would agree to her coming with her dog. The dog was in the bedroom on the bed and even followed us into the bathroom ... I just realized as much as I appreciated her - I couldn’t cope with the dog- I live in a capital city - and just couldn’t imagine having her over to mine and the dog in my small appartement and on my bed ...

OP if you move in with him you know YOU'LL become his new daily housekeeper and cleaner don't you!