Mums of sons (your son, someone's future husband)

[BillyBusStop]

If you have a son, how do you think your parenting is going? I ask because there are SO many threads on here about women leaving abusive or coercive dh's. 70% or so of divorces are initiated by females. Tomorrow's dh's are sons right now & often on here wives & partners blame the dh's mother for the job she did bringing him up. I know we all try our best. I find it so disheartening that so many men don't want to hear about their wives discontent.

Another one who thinks this is a weird thread. I get where you’re coming from OP but aren’t boys more likely to model the behaviour of other males in their lives?

Brilliant. Women are to blame for the current crop of bad men out there (MILs) and will be to blame in the future when our little boys grow up to be the inevitable bastards they will be.

Good to know it's definitely always a woman's fault somehow and that boys/men couldn't possibly take their own path, make their own choices, or be influenced by males or society in any way.

For what it's worth my son is utterly delightful. Gentle, kind, thoughtful, sensitive and clever. Like his father, his grandfather and uncles. Very like his sister and mother but without the wild temper.

I think the post is also blaming mothers.

I have sons and one of them has a very difficult personality, inherited from my dad, who he spends very little time with.

He is very moody, irrational, has a temper and manipulative and has some narcissistic traits. He displayed all of these from a very early age.

We have tried very hard to parent him in a way these will be mitigated. He is polite, charming and has been taught everything as posts above, but I think relationships for him will be difficult. He will need to continue working in himself and I certainly will not be able to influence that when he is a grown man.

I will categorically not take the blame for his future behaviour in a relationship.

I work full time and his dad is an amazing told model. Guess what i already had people say 'is he like this because he missed his mum growing up' blaming me for working.. You truly can't win.

I don't see it as anyone blaming mothers.

This stuff is so deeply ingrained, it takes conscious effort to change it in a society.

My DH is a pretty good egg most of the time and has been a good friend and partner and a great dad. He is also an emotional cripple which does cause issues because he's very black and white and I'm more emotional. He is the product of a narcissistic womanizing father and and lovely but dare I say needy and a bit weak mother - she brings out the strong male protector instinct in him which can be good but also means as a husband he tends to not share his stresses with me because he doesn't want to burden me with his man worries about looking after our family etc !! I think this comes from protecting and taking care of his mum. In some ways he's a bit old fashioned about gender roles in that way too- even tho I work full time he has a very high powered job and life revolves around that for the most part.
DH has a lot of girlfriends before me and he def had a type of whixh I was not - ie he went for needy girly girls and I was much more independent and challenging
I don't think he treated a lot of girls well before me. But then again I don't think I did with boys either.
But DH has my back and has stood by me. He always buys me flowers when he passes some like if he goes to the supermarket
It's little things like that which matter I think.

I think I would like our son to know a few things

• it's ok to show emotion
• it's ok to be vulnerable
• you don't have to be the only one taking care of everyone
• pls don't leave your socks all over the house
• taking your plate from the table to ON TOP of the dishwasher is not as good as actually putting it inside

It is just as important to add that we spend as much time trying to be positive role models for our DD

I'm trying very hard as a single mum but it's difficult as ds 5 worships his prat of a father because he has that unique style of parenting which is a fortnightly toy and theme park binge
I try my best without undermining/ bad mouthing his dad who in my opinion has twisted morals. For example ex mil has found a lump in her breast , she's a widow and ex is an only child. I said why didn't you go to the hospital to support her . " I've got better things to do than sit around talking about her boobs"
Things like this terrify me that ds will turn out the same, so I guess I'm trying to teach him about kindness and compassion and respect for women .
Luckily my brother and step father are wonderful role models.
I understand your post OP and it is something that I think about a lot .

Well OH taught DS to iron this week so that's a start, hopefully he will never see anything as 'wimmins' work

Emotionally both of my boys seem to shaping up well and are respectful of all people

Oldraver, can your DH teach me to iron please....oh no, it's ok my DH does the ironing.
As a couple me and DH divided the chores according to who had time and who was better at each task.
I do the garden , DH shops, cooks and cleans up....etc....
It's not about gender at all in our house .