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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband using live webcam girls

66 replies

pinkylander · 02/05/2019 20:05

As above. Found out from his Ipad history. He mostly works away weekdays, home weekends, while hes away its almost every evening. Either porn or live shows Im not a prude, Im not anti porn, although i think his preference is weird and his use excessive, Ive always been accepting of it being "normal" in his world.
He is 15 years older than me and all i see now is a dirty old man! The girls are all very young, probably just about legal, same age as my daughter.

Im finding myself disturbed by it, especially as he is also getting private messages, which would indicate I think that he is interacting?
He has no idea that i know and I dont know where to take this or just keep quiet for the sake of a peacefull home life? I have read other similar threads about men and porn use on here but does anyone think live webcam is a step too far? Thanks for reading

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 02/05/2019 20:07

Erm. 100 times Yes. Creepy as fuck and definitely not ok

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 02/05/2019 20:09

I think his age is irrelevant. Whether these women are the same age as your daughter or the same age as you, he is choosing to pay them for sexual services, when he is committed to a relationship with you. That is so disrespectful and seedy that I couldn't get over this.

Faster · 02/05/2019 20:11

This is what finished me and my ex.
He was paying to view cam girls, interact with them and have private shows, while I was pregnant. I found out and gave him a warning, do it again and it’s over.
He did it again when our son was 6 months old, he swapped numbers with a cam girl who attempted to black mail him for £300. She found my details by searching his phone number on Facebook and seeing him linked to me. I was being treated for crippling PND and he was a selfish, selfish arsehole.
I ended it. Kicked him out when DS was 6 months old. Absolutely the right thing for me to do.
What does your gut tell you?

Original poster
pinkylander · 02/05/2019 20:14

Oh Im so sorry you went through this too, at such a vulnerale time. What is wrong with some men!!!

OP posts:
DM1209 · 02/05/2019 20:15

He is married to you. He is in a consenting, committed (some would say contractual) marriage. He has made vows to be faithful, to love and to honour you. None of that is happening right now.

Can you say your home will ever be peaceful again? And it is disturbing that he is paying girls slightly older than your daughter for sexual services. Also, I never understand when people say 'I'm not a prude about porn or anti-porn' as if stating the obvious, it is disgusting and has warped the minds of many people in terms of healthy body images and safe boundaries for sex, we must all be 'cool with it' or we are prudes. So strange.

This is all a step too far! And are you assuming because (as far as you know) he hasn't physically met up with anyone anyone and had sex, this is ok? It isn't ok. It will not end well and you should love yourself enough to do what you feel is right for you and if that means walking away, then so be it. Better now than years down the line.

spugzbunny · 02/05/2019 20:17

I am pro porn. I like porn. I watch porn.

This isn't porn in my mind, this is paying someone to carry out a sexual act for you which is a form of prostitution.

I would absolutely not be ok with this.

Original poster
pinkylander · 02/05/2019 20:21

I guess my gut is saying he IS a dirty oldman!
Our SL went out of the wndow when he started rejecting me a year ago. Around the same time i discovered his excessive porn use and obsession with lesbian porn in particular which he is blatant about and brags about publicly and now this.
But its the usual breakdown scenerio for me. Kids are happy have a nice life, house etc. If I end it a bomb goes off in their lives and weve been through bucket loads. I thought this was our happy ending. How wrong could I be!

OP posts:
Springwalk · 02/05/2019 20:26

You can still have your happy ending, but not with him.

I haven't used this before, but this time I will: LTB

Disgusting on every level.

Moralitym1n1 · 02/05/2019 20:27

Yeah it would be crossing the line for me.

I'm ok with my husband's apparently mild porn use, if he crossed over into live cams/interaction with real people ... No.

I don't even think he'd get a warning & chance, it would be over. It's cheating to me.

Original poster
pinkylander · 02/05/2019 20:30

Ive never seen these live things before.
I opened a link on his history and have to say I was really shocked.
Some of the girls look barely legal. As a mum I could hardly bare to look because i relate these girls as my own children and think OMG where are their parents? what do they think? I know its all money orientated.
He has daughters, how can he watch and detatch from them....omg so many thoughts tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkylander · 02/05/2019 20:31

LTB ??
New to this sorry

OP posts:
winecigsandchoc · 02/05/2019 20:32

I think your marriage is over whether you want to drop the bomb or not- there's no coming back from this! How can you ever ever trust him again? How can you see him talking to your DDs friends and not think ICK!!!
I'm so sorry this has happened to you but you deserve so so much better than this- every woman does.

winecigsandchoc · 02/05/2019 20:35

LTB= leave the bastard

Huskylover1 · 02/05/2019 20:38

This is SO different to generic porn. He is paying women to undress for him and do goodness knows what else. He's also talking to them. Put it this way, if this was a private chat with Sandra from work : sexting and exchanging explicit photo's would you be okay with that? Because it is absolutely no different. Except for the fact that these young girls could be being exploited.

It is grounds for divorce. No question.

Also, I don't mind some porn. My DH rarely views it, and when he does he tends to search for MILF - which is age appropriate. If he searched for Teen girls I'd not be impressed.

How old are you both?

Huskylover1 · 02/05/2019 20:40

obsession with lesbian porn in particular which he is blatant about and brags about publicly and now this

What do you mean? This sounds utterly bizarre.

Original poster
pinkylander · 02/05/2019 20:55

It is bizarre, my friends sister is a lesbian and he asked if he could watch!
He has no embarrassment about it, if we are with his friends it will come up somehow and he will refer to it.
The last time I made advances to him and he turned me down he used it as a "joke" at a dinner party. He has no shame.
Most of his search history is worded "young" "barely legal" "teen" and "lesbian". The new ones are YPMate (yourplaymate i guess) and Livejasmine. I have screenshots of weeks of it......

OP posts:
sar302 · 02/05/2019 20:57

So it's not just a private porn / web chat thing then? He's a twat on about every level?

Original poster
pinkylander · 02/05/2019 20:57

BTW he is 65
I am 50. His kids are adults my youngest is 10.

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/05/2019 20:58

OMG where are their parents? what do they think?

They probably don't know. It pays well and it can be done from a uni room or a bedroom or anywhere really. It used to be quite a common thing to do for extra money whilst I was at uni, sadly.

winecigsandchoc · 02/05/2019 20:59

Fuck his search terms are utterly disgusting. I would leave him just to protect my daughter and her friends in this case. It's really quite chilling. At best he is a perverted chauvinist. At worst.......?!?!

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/05/2019 20:59

He sounds like a wanker before the live shows, though. He is publicly humiliating you. That will only get worse.

Can you make an exit plan? Do you want to?

managedmis · 02/05/2019 21:01

He sounds awful

MangoBananaSleep · 02/05/2019 21:10

🤮 LTB. Please. Honestly. For your own peace of mind.

JuniFora · 02/05/2019 21:16

His whole attitude is disrespectful towards you and women in general. He's openly a creepy old pervert. His behaviour around others would disturb me a lot more than the webcams. He has no boundaries or respect for others.

slingthegin · 02/05/2019 21:25

Just a thought but is this behaviour new OP? If so, given his age, it could be linked to dementia. Inappropriate sexual behaviour/comments are a sign of this.

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