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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband using live webcam girls

66 replies

pinkylander · 02/05/2019 20:05

As above. Found out from his Ipad history. He mostly works away weekdays, home weekends, while hes away its almost every evening. Either porn or live shows Im not a prude, Im not anti porn, although i think his preference is weird and his use excessive, Ive always been accepting of it being "normal" in his world.
He is 15 years older than me and all i see now is a dirty old man! The girls are all very young, probably just about legal, same age as my daughter.

Im finding myself disturbed by it, especially as he is also getting private messages, which would indicate I think that he is interacting?
He has no idea that i know and I dont know where to take this or just keep quiet for the sake of a peacefull home life? I have read other similar threads about men and porn use on here but does anyone think live webcam is a step too far? Thanks for reading

OP posts:
user1479305498 · 02/05/2019 21:26

My h has the lesbian obsession too, far too much of it and I've seen some pretty gross google searches 'amateur milf lesbian p*y licking comes to mind. I've known it for several years, he hides it extremely well, but I am a techy!! Several nights when I have been away overnight he has watched 2 or 3 25 minute sessions . Occasionally we have had the bizzare thing of pages of the thumbnails of webcam girls up, but he appears just to look at the full page but never click through. Just the fact he looks at the page though really pees me off big time. At one point is was most days as soon as I left the house but every now and then he seems to stop for 6 weeks or so. I'm still very unsure whether to say anything or see if it goes away . Problem is if I say I know, he knows full well it is out and out snooping because he is meticulous about it. I don't much like it but could live with the very occasional. My initial reason for snooping was I found live jasmin in his iPad when I picked it up and he had clearly forgot to private browse , I was sure it was going to be a webcam obsession, and was ready to LTB, definitely isn't that, but I'm not sure I feel ok about 5 times a week lesbian obsessions either, mine isn't that young either OP, 50 odd.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 02/05/2019 22:05

Who the fuck brags about porn use? He's a seedy old bastard and you deserve better.

AnyFucker · 02/05/2019 22:14

I pity you and I expect your family and friends do too

I hope your 1yo daughter doesn't host sleepovers

AnyFucker · 02/05/2019 22:15

*10yo

Original poster
pinkylander · 02/05/2019 22:23

Thank you all
Maybe Im under reacting. I have an inate fear of confrontation. Of it all somehow being made to be my fault or my imagination, or me reading things wrong etc
A friend has been trying to tell me that the dating ads on his laptop are no coincidence for ages. Ive just been in denial.
I cant deny the history anymore.
Time to be braver.

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 02/05/2019 22:29

Oh crikey, fuck him off. I'm the same age as you and my DH is 46 and far more respectful.

I previously left a 20 year marriage for less.

Let him wank his wrinkly penis off till he goes blind, whilst you find a younger more normal guy.

Annasgirl · 02/05/2019 22:31

So you are 50 and you have a 10 year old who I suppose is not related to you DH by blood? Is it a DD? If it is a girl, How on earth are you still living with a man who could abuse your daughter? And if it is a boy, how on earth are you with a man who watches teen girls on webcams???

Sometimes this site makes me despair.

Oh and I think all porn is abuse of women.

Original poster
pinkylander · 02/05/2019 22:31

USER147 you are where I was a month or so back.
Knowing you are going to be accused of snooping instills that fear of bringing it up. I have now seen mail from livejasmine so I know he is using it, but yes I was snooping and i have that fear of it being turned on me. Its so confusing. hurtfull. degrading........

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/05/2019 22:36

Who cares if he knows you have snooped ?

He is a disgusting pig. The end justifies the means.

DBML · 02/05/2019 22:41

Hi op

So what if you’ve had a snoop. It’s nothing to what he’s been doing, so don’t let him flip that one. Plus, he accuses you of looking at his stuff and gets cross - it only matters if you done want HIM to leave you.

He sounds utterly disrespectful and completely cringeworthy. If you decide you don’t want to be with him anymore, then he can get as angry as he likes about you snooping, on his way out of the door.

You dc will be fine. Your friends and family probably pity you the way he goes on embarrassing himself and eventually the children would pick up on this. You’re all better off without this perve around.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 02/05/2019 22:42

How grim

Aside from the obvious cheating aspect, he regaled dinner guests about rejecting you sexually

Wave him goodbye!

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 02/05/2019 22:44

In fact I would be concerned about him being around DD in any case

Original poster
pinkylander · 02/05/2019 22:44

10 yr son. D is 17.
Im coming to realise that when we met I was very vulnerable, we all were. My late partner died suddenly and I met OH just 5 months after.
Im also coming to realise that this was probably always going on, but was easily hidden with long periods away and I have only been able to uncover it due to more frequented visits home. Maybe this is ust the tip of the iceburg.

I know where to go from here. It may be a slow exit. But it will be one.

OP posts:
DovePetal · 02/05/2019 22:49

OP I have worked with sex offenders and those are the exact search terms that convicted/ known paedophiles tend to use to skirt just within the law (we know because a lot of them have monitoring devices installed on their computers whilst still on license or prevention orders). I would not under any circumstances allow a child of mine to be under the same roof as someone searching pornography of that nature.

Zerrin13 · 02/05/2019 22:49

Why you would want to be making advances to this geriatric pervert I don't know. He sounds utterly revolting

Original poster
pinkylander · 02/05/2019 23:08

The advance was 2 years ago. We still had a functioning relationship then. It soon deteriorated from there. Nothing has gone on for well over a year now, im guessing he would use that as an excuse to blame me for this.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/05/2019 23:17

So ?

Halo84 · 02/05/2019 23:20

I’d be asking my daughter if anything untoward has occurred with respect to your husband.

Not all, but many webcam girls are trafficked.

If you have not had sex in over a year, your marriage is in trouble. Go see a solicitor and get your ducks in a row before acting, unless your daughter is at risk from this man.

MsDogLady · 03/05/2019 03:24

Pinky, I would not expose my children to such a despicable person.

Your daughter is 17, so he likely fantasizes about her and her friends.

Your son is an impressionable 10, so he will be picking up on this lowlife’s degrading view of women in general and you in particular. He may have already heard him crowing about his revolting attitudes.

He would rather pay for and interact with sex workers than be with you. He used his rejection of you to humiliate you in front of friends. They were likely mortified for you.

You are worried that he will be miffed at you for snooping. He has been spewing his sleaze all over town. Your need to find out what he’s been up to trumps his right to privacy. After all, you have children in the house. Don’t allow him to deflect the blame to you. This is all on him.

Protect yourself and your children. Remove him from your lives.

beenwhereyouare · 03/05/2019 04:29

This isn't porn in my mind, this is paying someone to carry out a sexual act for you which is a form of prostitution.

This. Full stop.

madroid · 03/05/2019 04:50

I really wouldn't care what he thought about my 'snooping'. I only care about the opinions of people I respect and I'd have zero respect for this man

Don't leave it too long OP until you get out. While you dither your children are exposed to this waste of space and it will be having an effect on them. I feel sorry for them.

81Byerley · 03/05/2019 05:02

I'd be most worried about your daughter.

sanityisamyth · 03/05/2019 05:16

My ExH was very controlling financially. He never let me look at the joint account statements. We didn't have paper ones sent to the house and my digital key to login in "kept going missing" (I'm very organised and don't lose things). It was only after we divorced that I realised his salary didn't go in the joint account but he had two separate payments to a live web cam account. I was paying for him to watch these girls FFS.

The reason for the divorce was him having an emotional relationship with an 18 year old mutual friend, and he was OLD as a single man.

The web cam might be the tip of the iceberg ...

ctrlalt · 03/05/2019 06:30

If you don't want to tell him you snooped just tell him it's over because he's a nasty pig and you don't love him. He's vile. LTB

snowdrop6 · 03/05/2019 08:22

Hi op .didn't want to read and run.you must be feeling very angry that he could willingly risk his family like that.
I would assume he’s been doing it for a long time.id also be getting myself tested if I were in your situation, just because you mentioned long periods away from home for him.
It would be the end for me ,my dh wouldn’t get a second chance ,like you all I would think is they are someone’s daughter .hiddious .you have a difficult time ahead 💐💐💐

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