How do you tell your partner you don’t want to have sex?

[Lululu3]

I find it really difficult to let him know when I’m not in the mood - it’s causing a lot of problems.

I started this thread a few days after an incident with DP made me doubt my ability to be in a relationship and stand up for myself (not his fault, too much alcohol and he stopped as soon as he knew there was an issue).

Just wanted to update and thank those who took the time to try to understand where I was coming from, shared their experiences and tried to help. This is such an emotional and sensitive subject for me, it has been difficult to read and respond but your support and understanding have been much appreciated. It’s very touching (and upsetting) to know I’m not alone and others have been through the same.

DP and I have spent some time talking about this and agreed that alcohol and sex just don’t mix for us! While he always tries to read my body language as much as he can I have to acknowledge that just because of past relationships, I can’t be like a passive passenger when it comes to saying what I do/don’t want.
I know I have to trust he’ll continue to respect my wishes at any time and whatever they might be and not just react and stop when it gets to the point I’m getting into a panic.

Tbh I’m still not sure how I’ll do this but at least i feel like I’ve taken a big step forward by making peace with it in my mind.

*However, if my husband frequently turned me down as far as sex is concerned then I would be distraught. At best, I am moody and grumpy if I haven’t had sex in a few days. If he kept saying no, I can’t imagine how hurt and miserable I would feel.

So it depends op, on how often you want to say no.

I’ll get flamed no doubt, but I’m of the belief that if you expect monogamy, then your partner should be able to expect you to fulfil his sexual needs. If you are happy for a more open relationship, then he should not feel so disappointed if you say no, as he can go elsewhere*

Yes, I’ll flame you

1. If a man said this he’d be ripped to shreds.

2. You’re moody and grumpy if you haven’t had sex in a few days? Grow up. Nice bit of coercive behaviour there. See all the threads here about men who sulk when they’re not getting as much sex as you want

3. Human beings are entitled to turn down sex whenever they want. Their partner is entitled to leave if the relationship isn’t working for them. Being in a relationship does not mean you must have sex you don’t want FFS

4. You’ve commented on a thread where the OP has clearly, at best, been pressured into sex and not been able to say no in the past. Why would you say any of this?

That sounds like a positive update.

@puma84

Live that...Pedro!

I’ll get flamed no doubt, but I’m of the belief that if you expect monogamy, then your partner should be able to expect you to fulfil his sexual needs. If you are happy for a more open relationship, then he should not feel so disappointed if you say no, as he can go elsewhere

I'm totes happy to flame away.

Tit.

And what @EmptyOrchestra says.

i just say i don't want sex.