When to try for a baby? Don't want to leave it too late...

[Maddy762]

Hi all,

I am 30 years old and dp is 33. We have been together 8 years. We plan to get married in two years time and are currently recovering from unexpected renovation costs after buying our first home and so paying off debts still.
I am doing a PhD, dp in full-time employment.

I would like babies in the future but don't want this for some time. I cannot imagine wanting to try before I'm 35 and even then, there is a lot of travelling that I want to do. In an ideal world if fertility were no issue I wouldn't have kids until 38, with second/third children in my forties. However, that isn't reality and I would rather have kids I guess younger than I would prefer, then not have them at all... When would be the best age? Is 35 for a first baby with plans for future children after that too risky?

Yes lots of women conceive first time in there late 30s and lucky them but it really is the exception and not the norm

I've seen figures of 78% within one year and 85% within two years of 35 to 39 yr old women falling pregnant on reputable sites. As I quoted upthread the NHS fertility main page has over 80% of women under 40 pregnant within a year ....

Where is the disconnect coming from re. this and what people very firmly believe is true about late 30s women? Am I missing something.

I had mine at 26, 29 and 37.
The last one was a shock and conceived when I had started the menopause.
You could start early like me, I'd be getting on with it.
Plenty people have babies when older, but plenty find they've left it too late, even though under 40.

Not at all. I myself conceived within 6 months each time and had my 3rd and 4th child at 36 and 38 so am also in the 5%

See my question above ..
Do you mean 5% per cycle?

The last one was a shock and conceived when I had started the menopause.

You have not started 'menopause proper' til you've had at least 12 continuous months with no periods/ovulation.

We started trying when I was 26. Found out I have an easily diagnosed fertility issue making it impossible to conceive naturally. Had ivf at 27 and dc at 28. I was also mid way through a masters whilst pregnant. Had I have waited until I was mid thirties I doubt my chances of conceiving via ivf (1st time, relatively easy- I realise I was lucky) would have been the same. Subsequently I have gone on do a phd and fully qualified a few years ago in chosen field, with a young dc. Babies don't need to restrict travelling or furthering your education. If you really want them, have a good partner and are financially stable then I personally wouldn't wait.

After age 35 could take a while to get pregnant so need to take that into your time line. I wouldnt wait esp if u want more than one.

Planned to have babies in my 30s, instead had a very unexpected period of major depression followed by a psychotic breakdown taking years to recover.

I'm now 42 desperately broody but no partner & not able to be a single mother for a number of reasons.

Please don't leave having children too long as you don't know what may happen in your life. Hopefully nothing too unpleasant but you just never know. At 30 I certainly didn't see that all coming.

I am 29 and have been trying for almost a year! There are no guarantees it will happen.

I fell pregnant very easily with my first at 23 with the same partner.

I wouldn't leave it any longer if I were you. It's not worth putting it off and risking not being able to conceive, if you know that you want children. Just because some woman are able to conceive later on, it's not as easy as people maybe assume it will be.

Listening to the advice/scare-mongering, I had been expecting years or trying and possibly IVF; was actually freaked out when fell pregnant.

Yep, I couldn't believe it. Almost 38 and one time around ovulation and now I'm 9 weeks pregnant. I was convinced I'd be barely fertile, my mum took two years trying to conceive me in her late 20s, but like life expectancy fertility is extending and we are also much better at knowing when the right time is with cycle apps etc.

That is not to say I don't know women who've had IVF at my age, but that has largely been at 39/40 +, I don't know anyone that has struggled at 35. I also know women that have got pregnant by accident in their mid 40s.

You can have a fertility check for around 300 pounds (in London so probably possible to find cheaper elsewhere). That would give you a much clearer picture of your own fertility going forward, as there is no rule that applies to everyone.

Yes, 5-6% chance per cycle at 40, It’s 20-24% chance per cycle at age 34 or below.

And re fertility tests - all they check is ovarian reserve - there is no test to check the quality of the eggs. Have an AMH test by all means but there’s no saying that you could have an ovary full of perfect eggs - they could be all dud and there’s no way of knowing.
And for factors that are not to do with age - I’d much rather know i was going to struggle conceiving at 30 than at 38. IVF isn’t a miracle cure - it’s much more likely to fail than succeed and even that % chance lowers the older you are.

Other than receiving treatment for disease or illness that you’re told will affect your fertility, how do you know if you’re going to struggle? Why take the risk?

I had my two girls at the ages of 21 and 23 both conceived easily enough, me an dh decided to try for third and final baby when I was 27, it took three years and fertility drugs to get pregnant and suffered a miscarriage. I’m now 31 and son is 10 months old. It can be a struggle at any age. I was on the pill for longer than recommend and it took my body so long to start ovulating again on its own. Just something else to consider. I’m also 2 years into an undergraduate degree.

Get your fertility tested now, so you know. I would consult a fertility expert.

I spoke to one recently and he said so many women don't realise the risks of leaving it late and the difficulties it can cause with conception.

He is very passionate about it and spoke of egg preservation for those not ready to have children at the moment.

@Moralitym1n1 that's the most sense I've ever heard on one of these "too old to conceive" topics! Bang on!

Yes, 5-6% chance per cycle at 40, It’s 20-24% chance per cycle at age 34 or below.

But you weren't 40, you were 35/36 and 37/38.

And you aren't "in the 5%". At 35 the chance per cycle is 15 - 20% so your chance per cycle was somewhere between that and the 5% per cycle at 40.

Besides "in the 5%" of what??
Those figures are chance per cycle - which over a year of cycles means, according to what the NHS had on their fertility main page , 80% of women under 40 get pregnant.

So you were in the 80% of women under 40 who fall pregnant within a year.
That presents a very different picture from what you're presenting with the "so I'm in the 5% ..".

I think its really important on this subject to be balanced. Not saying "you're guaranteed no problems", but not saying "you'll have very low chances", which is not true (unless op is unfortunate enough to be in the 20% with fertility problems).

A fertility check on op and her partner is better than nothing and would still be worth doing when trying to make a decision.

You’re conflicting issues.

You’re right that it’s a sliding scale from 35+ , but it’s a its a percentage per cycle to have a successful and healthy pregnancy and child. For the egg to fertilise, implant, grow and develop with no chromosomal abnormalities, and to produce a child with no disabilities. And there’s no way of knowing if that will happen until an egg is artificially fertilised.

I just had my first baby 3 weeks ago at 29 after 8 years with my husband too.

We just felt it was the right time for us and that's what I would base it on if I were you. If you had asked me 2 years ago I would have said I wasn't ready and then all of a sudden I was so your thinking could change any time.

We had already travelled and we still plan on going on holidays every year like we've always done with the baby.

Never answered your question - I personally wouldn't have been happy to risk the possibility of not being able to conceive. Starting at 35 would have made me nervous if I wanted multiple children.

*You’re conflicting issues.

You’re right that it’s a sliding scale from 35+ , but it’s a its a percentage per cycle to have a successful and healthy pregnancy and child. For the egg to fertilise, implant, grow and develop with no chromosomal abnormalities, and to produce a child with no disabilities. And there’s no way of knowing if that will happen until an egg is artificially fertilised.*

What are you talking about?

The percentage risks for miscarriage and for chromosomal abnormalities are separate from the chance of pregnancy per cycle.

The chance of pregnancy per cycle in late 30s is somewhere between the 20% best case scenario at 35 and 5% at 40. Feel free to check for an exact figure; to be really honest I've spent way too long debating this crazyness and am not wasting any more time ... Over the course of 12 cycles, the odds are that most women will fall pregnant.

The NHS 80% figure for under 40s (with a year of trying) does not specify on the same page at what stage during pregnancy they were recorded I.e. if past likely miscarriage stage and does not specify of any chromosomal abnormalities were detected at any point.

The figured re the risks for those are separate, and anyone wanting to fall pregnant at any age should check them, but suffice to say the the most common chromosomal abnormality, Downs, is approx 1 in a hundred at 4o, a 99 out of 100 chance of not being affected.

What do you mean "until an egg is artificially fertilised"?
We haven't been discussing IVF only; we've been discussing the chances of getting pregnant in late 30s. Artificial fertilisation hasn't been mentioned.

• I should say "99 out of 100 people are not affected" rather than 'chance'.

As for someone conflicting issues ... .

You stated on here that you having your second and third children at 36 and 38 meant "so I'm also in the 5% .." which as I've pointed out makes no sense (and wasn't even the right figure for your age at the time).

I think the advice for you and your DH to get your fertility checked is correct. Most people don’t know they have a problem conceiving until they start trying for a baby. If your tests are all ok, you could plan to have an amazing honeymoon trip to an exotic destination before you start ttc.

I meant In the matter of ‘checking your fertility’ -
There’s no point. You can’t. Artificial insemination is the only way of knowing if an egg is ‘good’. Take 20 mature eggs from a 35+ woman, average of 1 will fertilise, then add the other factors in. Bad eggs do still fertilise but that’s where your Mc/trisomies/abnormalities come in. Significantly lowers chances of having a healthy pregnancy/baby even further. It’s why AI is more successful with donor eggs in older patients. It’s why there’s an age cut off.

I’m not arguing about the chance of pregnancy - it’s about the entire thing as a whole.
Just because someone read in take a break about a 68 year old woman giving birth doesn’t mean that stating age affects healthy and successful pregnancy is scaremongering.

I meant In the matter of ‘checking your fertility’ -
There’s no point. You can’t.

You can't check if a man has sperm count and motility within normal range?

What you and some other posters itt seem to have completely forgotten is theres another person besides the woman involved in baby-making; the male factor in infertility in the US stats is estimated at 30 - 50%. I haven't checked the UK specifically but it would be odd if it was drastically different.

This, alongside, the 30/35 fertility cliff hysteria (non pun intended) is something people seem to love to propogate - that only women have fertility problems.

Also you can't check a woman's reserve, amh, physiology for fibroids, endo etc etc.? It's not perfect but it's better than nothing.

Just because someone read in take a break about a 68 year old woman giving birth doesn’t mean that stating age affects healthy and successful pregnancy is scaremongering.

Who said anything like this itt?
Seriously, stop.

Telling a woman that shell definitely have problems having children over 35 (or younger in some posters' cases) is inaccurate and scare-monger-y.

Saying "so I'm in the 5%" because you got pregnant at 36 and 38 (like the majority of women under 40 who've for a year) when you're referring to a chance per cycle is misrepresentation and scare-monger-y.

• who've tried