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Original poster

When to try for a baby? Don't want to leave it too late...

91 replies

Maddy762 · 02/05/2019 12:02

Hi all,

I am 30 years old and dp is 33. We have been together 8 years. We plan to get married in two years time and are currently recovering from unexpected renovation costs after buying our first home and so paying off debts still.
I am doing a PhD, dp in full-time employment.

I would like babies in the future but don't want this for some time. I cannot imagine wanting to try before I'm 35 and even then, there is a lot of travelling that I want to do. In an ideal world if fertility were no issue I wouldn't have kids until 38, with second/third children in my forties. However, that isn't reality and I would rather have kids I guess younger than I would prefer, then not have them at all... When would be the best age? Is 35 for a first baby with plans for future children after that too risky?

OP posts:
stucknoue · 02/05/2019 16:36

Ps travel with babies is easy

Aussiebean · 02/05/2019 16:40

None of us can answer this for you. Your body is unique and no matter how many over 40s woman tell you that it was all fine, it won’t make a bit of difference to your situation.

Go to the doctors and ask them for the best check up you can get. Then make a decision based around the results.

We can’t tell you what’s best for your body.

Moralitym1n1 · 02/05/2019 16:41

Peak fertility for female is 24.

And peak oil was years ago, but the vast majority of the world's vehicles are still running on it - know what I'm saying?

Gre8scott · 02/05/2019 16:42

Im 37 and plan to have another baby had first at 32

Moralitym1n1 · 02/05/2019 16:42

Do you think 34 is leaving things too late for ttc?

As I said upthread, invest in a fertility check with someone reputable.

Noone here can tell you.

EvilDog · 02/05/2019 17:00

I meant peak fertility as in its the best time egg wise/body wise. You’re more likely to conceive quickly and have a successful healthy pregnancy and child, risks are at their lowest. That’s not to say you can’t/won’t get pregnant at any other time, just that 24 is the optimum age.

dreichuplands · 02/05/2019 17:01

OP we cannot tell you the answer to this. We started trying at 31, turned out DH had totally unforeseen issues at we needed ivf.
I know others who started at past 40 and had no issues.

SurvivingCBeebies · 02/05/2019 17:02

I'm 38 and pregnant with my 2nd child (first month TTC), I have a 10 month old DD who was conceived v quickly! So don't believe the fertility scaremongers!!!

EvilDog · 02/05/2019 17:02

^biologically speaking that is

abcriskringle · 02/05/2019 17:05

Depends how much you want a baby really. If you're ok to wait and see and if it doesn't happen then fine - wait. If you think you will be find it very upsetting not to have kids, start sooner rather than later. Hopefully everything will be fine if and when you do ttc, but even couples with no fertility issues can take a year to conceive. I had my first at 29 (pregnant first cycle) and I'm pregnant again at 31 (took 7 cycles). If anything, I wish I'd started younger as I find pregnancy and birth and the subsequent recovery bloody hard work.

EvilDog · 02/05/2019 17:06

So don't believe the fertility scaremongers!!!

Yeah you shouldn’t believe the experts or people who have studied and work in human and cell biology, just believe some random in the internet who was in the 5%

SurvivingCBeebies · 02/05/2019 17:13

@EvilDog
You and half the thread might as well tell the OP she's going to be completely barren ffs!

Everyone is different.. So yes, don't believe the fertility scaremongering going on OP...

Good luck for when you choose to go ahead..!

mindutopia · 02/05/2019 17:17

I would think about how to fit it around your PhD/postdoc plans. I had my first mid way through a 7 year PhD (done outside the uk hence why it took so long). She was born when I was 32. My second was born in between my first and second postdoc positions (when I was 37).

The timing for both was perfect and meant I could spare a year off each time (with maternity allowance as I qualified due to employment/self employment) and ease back in part time at my own pace. It also meant that I was done having kids when I was really ready to take up a higher grade position with no planned interruptions. I got a bit of writing/publishing done on mat leave too.

So no, I wouldn’t leave it too late and yes, I would make sure you have plenty of time to travel first and are really ready for the change and all it entails. But I would give some thought to ideal times for a career break too especially if you plan an academic career.

EvilDog · 02/05/2019 17:29

You and half the thread might as well tell the OP she's going to be completely barren ffs

Not at all. I myself conceived within 6 months each time and had my 3rd and 4th child at 36 and 38 so am also in the 5%. But I know how uncommon it actually is. To try and invalidate actual biological fact as ‘scaremongering’ isn’t helping anyone when it should actually be a huge deciding factor in everyone’s choice on when to have children.
And I agree Everyone is different. My own sister went through the menopause at 27 and regrets waiting, it was unforeseen on her part but these things happen and should be considered by everyone when planning their lives.

CurbsideProphet · 02/05/2019 17:33

I'm 33 and getting married this year. We'll start trying straight away, so when we are nearly 34 and 37. I'm concerned about age/fertility, but one of my friends is a doctor and she said that statistically if you have difficulty getting pregnant at 33/34/35 then that would have been the case in your 20s anyway.

SVRT19674 · 02/05/2019 17:42

I had mine at 43 after trying since I was 39, although I met a n married partner at 36. We needed some help both of us and got it. We got lucky. I can Teri you know that no amount of idiotic traveling will equal the flip of your heart when your little one’s face lights up when you walk in the room. My little one will be one in July and we’re off to Greece. I would exchange her for trip to the fjords for love nor mone. Fertility in females drops after 35. I would say freeze your eggs NOW. You don’t know in which group you will be. The has or the low reserve group until it is too late.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 02/05/2019 17:44

Australia will be there in 10 years time - your eggs won't be

You may find it easy to get pregnant the first time but you could end up with a lifetime of regrets that you were told old to then give your child a sibling and forever feel like your family is incomplete - no amount of memories of travelling/holidays/work is going to fill that void

Yes lots of women conceive first time in there late 30s and lucky them but it really is the exception and not the norm

BishopBrennansArse · 02/05/2019 17:46

From my perspective I'm glad I had them relatively early at 25, that's because my mobility disabilities started about five years ago now and the kids were past toddlerhood. I wouldn't be able to keep up with toddlers now. But that's me, I'm not you. No clue about biological clocks, life can throw anything at anyone at any time.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 02/05/2019 17:47

I had my DC at 32 after trying for 3 years and 1 miscarriage - been trying for 2 years for DC2 - had 3 miscarriages and a near fatal ectopic- I'm now 36 - and I wish I had started earlier than 29 and I will forever regret that x

washinglions · 02/05/2019 17:58

Let's put it this way - my mum started menopause when she was 41, I had my premature ovarian failure diagnosed during fertility investigations at 39. My dd has already told me that she isn't going to push her luck and wait until her mid 30's before trying to have children.

hammeringinmyhead · 02/05/2019 18:28

I started trying at 32 and it took over a year. I was 34 when I had DS. All our tests were fine, we just weren't meeting in the middle at the right time I guess. I don't want more but if I waited til DS was one and then it took another year I'd be 36/37 with a higher risk of the various problems that the nuchal test shows up. 35 is late if you want 2 or 3.

jennymac31 · 02/05/2019 18:42

Personally I would complete the PhD before ttc.

My dh and I wanted to establish our careers before having kids so we held off ttc for a couple of years after we got married. I had my first child at 33 and my second at 37. Second pregnancy was definitely harder on my body but I don't regret having my kids in my mid-late 30's.

LittleKitty1985 · 02/05/2019 18:54

If it's important to you then why risk it??

Also, it's not only your age you need to consider - the risk for neurodevelopmental disorders such as autism, ADHD and schizophrenia increases with paternal age, particularly 40+

hopefulhalf · 02/05/2019 19:18

I concieved both DCs before I was 30, it wasn't completely planned, but would absolutely do it again at the same age. I had 2 enjoyable pregnancies, easy labours and most importantly 2 healthy DCs.
Parental age is not only linked to difficultly concieving, but also complivations in pregnancy, miscarriage and developmental problems in children including autism and adhd which you can't test for antenatally

hopefulhalf · 02/05/2019 19:20

Exactly littlekitty. Maybe ideally we would have waited another 18m, but I think its far too tempting to keep putting it off.