Physical abuse episode 14 years ago, why cant i forget.

[Justcantforget]

Ive posted before about other things but name changed. Around 14 years ago my DH pulled me out of bed after a night out drinking and punched and kicked me. We had been out together and had an argument so i left him and went home alone and it happened when he got home. Nothing like that has happened since(together over 20years now) i feel like i cant argue at times as its always in the back of my mind he could do it again. Ive talked to him about this and i know hes sorry but i keep having times of thinking about that awful night

No, frankly.

Well you say whatever you want.
Say you weren’t happy.
That’s reason enough.

And then in your head to yourself you can understand that you left because you want to show your children a different model of a healthy relationship and you don’t want to normalise abuse. You can explain this to them when they’re teenagers and I promise you they’ll understand.

2 of them are teenagers, youngest DC is 9yrs, thanks all for the advice, much appreciated.

Bigusbumus just because a man thinks he’s changed , is it then right that the woman should live the rest of her life in fear ?
In fear of her life and of her children’s lives?
Your advice is dangerous. Really dangerous.
When should she leave? When he’s stabbed her? Raped her? When?
Fuck your male sympathising bullshit.

Well you can be as honest as you need to be with the teenagers.

I couldn't forget that either... so awful!

None of us could forget.
It’s completely horrific.

You have my sympathies. I am dealing with similar and feel like I am a drama queen because I can't let it go.

Nk1, yes its like for me because it happened around 14yrs ago that i should forget about it but i cant as its never gone away as always in the back of my mind

Nk1, i hope your ok, awful isnt it

I know how you feel. Mine happened 12yrs ago and it keeps replaying in my mind. Like you I went on to have kids.

I told my mother and her reaction was 'He couldn't be that bad or you wouldn't leave the kids with him'.

It is Justcantforget

Aww NK1, ive not told my mum, was your experience similar to mine? Has it happened since?

Not sure about the reasons but it also very common to receive a response like the one from your mum NK1 when making a disclosure of domestic abuse.
People don’t like to feel they’ve made an incorrect judgement about a person they assumed had a flawless character. They feel they don’t have the resources to support you once you leave the relationship. They fear the social stigma of having a separated couple in the family (this is more common with older generations/religious families). Or they are simply not experienced/ trained in the trajectory of domestic abuse.

"Fuck your male sympathising bullshit" 😂😂😂😂

How has he behaved in the last 14 years

Nothing physical, drinkings been a problem over the years, i dont know, some days i feel really happy, other days i dont, he can be quite critical at times, not painting a great pictute here am i, reading what im typing makes me realise things aren't good eventhough we do have closeness and happy times

How has he dealt with it in the past 14 years.

Dealt with the incident I mean.

What’s funny bigusbumus?
You’re giving terrible advice out that could result in a woman being murdered by her partner.
Please educate yourself.
Look at Karen Ingala smiths blog
Counting dead women
For an idea about how many women are killed in the UK by their partners in their own homes each year .
Glad you find it funny.
kareningalasmith.com/category/counting-dead-women/

I'm not surprised by your last post tbh - I was just about to ask what other things he's done. It sounds like the vicious beating he gave you was the worst of a very bad bunch of things that are continuing to happen.

My guess is that you've finally had enough and your brain is trying to use the beating as a 'bad enough' reason to leave. It's your survival instinct telling you you can't put up with this any longer. Listen to it.

You dont know these people. How the fuck can you say he's about to murder her and she should leave??

YOU DOBT KNOW THEM!!!!

Weve only talked about it if i mention it, at the time i remember him being ashamed, hes not seeked any counselling though that im aware of and im guessing hes not talked it through with anyone.

I stand with women.
No woman’s life is worth so little that she is some kind of guinea pig on which we should trial if a man has recovered from being an abuser.
And this is x1000000000 in cases where a man minimises and denies his actions.