Inheritance

[gwyneira5]

Recently I have received a share of my parents family home. My mother is still alive and moved into sheltered housing. She sold her house and has given us the money to do what we want. Its a lovely gesture and has given me financial security. About twenty years ago I got divorced and have two middle aged sons. I decided to give them a sum of money enough to treat themselves and a bit more. The youngest one is refusing to take the money off me, well he will accept it but only if it comes through a third party. He is his fathers son who took the separation I think quite badly even though he was in his early twenties. I was married to a controlling man who after waiting for the children to grow up I was glad to escape. Am I being unreasonable to say if he doesn't take the money off me himself then that's it.

She has attached the massive condition that it has to be given to him by her own hands.

Has the OP actually written this?

It sounds like his father's behaviour rubbed off on him. He grew up thinking it was normal to treat women badly.

Don't give him the money if he doesn't want it directly from you. He obviously doesn't like you, so he can do without it.

It doesn’t actually say they are no contact or that the OP is demanding a face to face meeting to hand th money over, but if I was no contact with a relative then I wouldn’t expect money from them and would just say no thank you.

Keep it. Sounds like the relationship with your son isn't great so if he doesn't want to accept it then there's not much you can do about it.

Put it aside in an account (in your name), when/if he decides to grow up consider giving it to him then. Give it his brother to then give it o him??!? Sorry but WTF!

Sod giving him the money. Go treat yourself on a world cruise :)

thanks for all the replies, my youngest son is very much his fathers child and even though he didn't have much to do with him growing up they seem to stick together now, he resents my new life I don't know why and always says I should support them more. The elder one is more laid back. I thought about it and couldn't give one with out the other. So called and passed it to the elder to give the younger one who was in the flat when I got there. No thanks but there it is. Sometimes I think I did to much for them growing up I don't know but they can do what they want with it. I think though it has taught me to equity release everything I can in my property now, I work hard and don't know where they get their work ethic from. I think sometimes benefit is to easy to get

Do you think handing them both free money is a good thing in those circumstances?

well I have tried everything to change their work ethic basically theres none there. I would feel selfish keeping all the money so hence given them some. Obviously I am aware of benefit capital rules and its nowhere near that amount. its sad to see them going no further with their lives

You had to do what you think it right OP.

I also agree that you should spend your money now and enjoy the benefits of your hard work.

Keep your money, neither of them will give it back if needed for your mothers care home fees. Also, doing everything for someone and making their lives easier when they don't work are not ways to change someone's work ethic.

I think you need to take a step back, your relationships won't improve by giving them money, they have spent too long in a home with a controlling atmosphere, giving them money won't change them it will just reinforce what they have already learnt.

My mum did the same three years ago to my brother and sister. Care cost are £50,000 a year. She has a terminal diagnosis but they are going after them because gifts have to be given more than seven years ago or it's seen as deprivation of assets.

How much did you give them? Because if you inherited £500,000 and gave them £2,000 it's very different to say £100,000.