Inheritance

[gwyneira5]

Recently I have received a share of my parents family home. My mother is still alive and moved into sheltered housing. She sold her house and has given us the money to do what we want. Its a lovely gesture and has given me financial security. About twenty years ago I got divorced and have two middle aged sons. I decided to give them a sum of money enough to treat themselves and a bit more. The youngest one is refusing to take the money off me, well he will accept it but only if it comes through a third party. He is his fathers son who took the separation I think quite badly even though he was in his early twenties. I was married to a controlling man who after waiting for the children to grow up I was glad to escape. Am I being unreasonable to say if he doesn't take the money off me himself then that's it.

Send him a lovely picture of a donkey and tell him the local sanctuary has received his share.
He is an ass!

😂😂

It's a gift. If he won't accept it, you don't need to go to the extremes to get him to accept it.

That’s a spooky coincidence Beachbody

Wot @BogglesGoggles said

Just be wary of spending it. If your mother ends up needing state funded care they may chase you for the funds. Is it possible this is why he wants it through a third party?

Send him a lovely picture of a donkey and tell him the local sanctuary has received his share.

LMFAO

This!!!

Please do not write that ungrateful ingrate a cheque.

Son sounds like a rude little git.

I would not give him a penny. How rude and ungrateful. Keep it for yourself OP.

I wouldn’t give him a penny either.

Put itnin your bank and forget about it.

Am I being unreasonable to say if he doesn't take the money off me himself

but I would like to give it to him myself.

I don't know if you are being unreasonable because I don't know what exactly you mean here. Are you insisting on a face to face meeting? When did you last meet or have a conversation with your son?

Do you love you son enough to be able to do a simple bank transfer? Do you love him enough to respect his feelings no matter whether you agree with them or not? Or are you attempting to use the money to get him to accept you when he would rather not?

I wouldn't give to either son if they can but don't work.
You can always put it aside in a trust

It's a gift. If he won't accept it, you don't need to go to the extremes to get him to accept it.

I agree. If he wants your money then he needs to stop behaving like a dick.

Another one saying hang on to it, at least for the next 7 years. Just in case your mum needs to go in a home.
Disregarding the above, I wouldn’t give him a penny. He sounds like a dick!

No. If you genuinely don't need the money put it into pension funds for both your children. It will invest nicely and they will get it when they really need it.

If he wants your money then he needs to stop behaving like a dick.

I suggest that you have a look at the Stately Homes thread. It is a very common ploy of certain parents to threaten their children with being deprived of inheritance, being cut out of Wills etc etc in order to make them do what the Narcissistic parent wants.

If OP wants a relationship with her estranged son then this is the very worst possible way to go about it.

I'd just do what he asks. It's not difficult to give it to his sibling to pass on to him. I wouldn't give it any more thought really. If he spends it on rubbish it then that's his look out.

I suggest that you have a look at the Stately Homes thread. It is a very common ploy of certain parents to threaten their children with being deprived of inheritance, being cut out of Wills etc etc in order to make them do what the Narcissistic parent wants.

Oh Puh-lease!
I come from a family that use money as control on the daily...
there may be unstated conditions from the OP but she has mentioned any so we assume there are none. Given there are no stated strings attached... the only person making demands is the son who is insisting it comes from a third party.

*Hasn’t mentioned 🤦‍♀️

That apple didn't fall far from the controlling tree.

You are offering him the money. He can refuse. He can accept. He cannot demand you pay it in used dollar bills or through a third party or with a bow on top and still be reasonable. He is trying to control you (and I suspect his father may be part of this discussion).

If I were you I'd just say "so sorry you don't want to accept this from me at the moment. I have put it aside for you should you change your mind love mum" And I'd copy his brother and your own brother on the text.

Sounds like a bit/lot? of parental alienation to me.

That's not to excuse him. He's being a shit from here.

Put it in savings and hold onto it. If someday your mother needs it, you can give it back. If someday you need it, you will have it for your old age. With two sons who "don't work" you can't count on them to be any help when you are old.

I suggest that you have a look at the Stately Homes thread. It is a very common ploy of certain parents to threaten their children with being deprived of inheritance, being cut out of Wills etc etc in order to make them do what the Narcissistic parent wants.

But it’s the son attaching strings i.e. I’ll only collect from someone else not from you.

No, it OP who is making conditions. She has attached the massive condition that it has to be given to him by her own hands.

This is being controlling. Her son does not want direct contact with her. She is trying to get him - to BRIBE him - into contact with her.

I repeat - if she wants a relationship with her son then using money is really, really not the way to go about it.

If it was the NC son or daughter posting that his estranged mother was offering money on the condition that she handed it over personally then people would see this for what it is.