Is it me or him

[Jingers5]

I am seeing a lovely guy for nearly a year and we get on great. He has a few female friends which l generally have no problem with, however, one of them seems to demand alot of his time. This girl expects him to go walking with her two evenings per week and do an outdoor activity on a Sunday. My boyfriend said he will only go walking with her when it suits him and that our plans come first. I cannot get my head around the fact that she seems so clingy, even though she knows he is in a relationship now. He assures me it's only friendship on his part but even though he will tell her he is busy, she will keep messaging him to make more arrangements. Why can't she join a walking group? I feel a bit uncomfortable about it all as l feel she is over stepping the boundaries a bit, any thoughts welcome

Whoooo calm down. Marriage? You need to stop over thinking it. You're not even living with the guy never mind marriage.

How old are you OP? You strike me as someone young or not had many relationships, both with boys and girls. This is a normal friendship just with the opposite sex

I am mid forties and have been in other relationships. I feel that my boyfriend is juggling the two of us to some extent. It annoys me that when we are together and she messages giving out because they can't meet- l am not happy with her expectations of my boyfriend. On his part, they don't seem buddy buddy- just chit chat about everyday stuff. His friend might feel differently though. When l stay at him, we go on long walks ourselves which is lovely but the amount of time his friend wants is too much for me.

I think because you see the walking as a romantic pursuit between the two of you that your putting them together in the same manner. It won't be be

I probably do see it as a romantic thing, even though its not between them. Our first date was a walk in the park.

A couple of things:

1. Why is he reporting back all the things she apparently says? And framing them in such negative ways? (Or is that your interpretation? Because I could see "God you've got it bad for her" as a joky matey thing to say, but you're taking it as her having a pop.) Maybe your interpretation is correct, but we still have to go back to why is he telling you this stuff that's guaranteed to rile you up?

1. Why is he badmouthing her to you, while at the same time, this is a person you know he spends loads of time with? The facts are he must enjoy her company, yet he's busily dissing her to you.

1. Looking at the traits he lists that apparently dislikes in her, I'd be suspicious he's trying to get you to act cool about things you're not cool with.

Maybe he's a bit of a dick and not the prize you think he is.

i have to agree with @category12 and all this coming from a man in his 40's and your in your 40's too, so you've spent time on your own forming adult companionships so you know how hard these are to find and keep as we get older. His friend must be around the same age as you both and will probably not have a lot of friends inbetween working, looking after a home, family. She probably treasures her friendship with your BF and maybe she has seen him drop her before for a GF and as any friend would do, she's calling him on it.

All posssiblilites that you are unwilling to think about other than becuase you have the hots for your BF every other female he spends time with must - He's in his 40's and single - not quite the catch of the century. Just relax and enjoy him and get to know his friends - you'll learn more about him from her than he will ever tell you.

I am taking on board what Category12 and Newyearnewme2019 as its good to get others opinions. I know l am looking at my boyfriend through Rose tinted glasses.

He doesn't badmouth his friend, if l ask him a question about her, he will answer me honestly. When he said that she was hard work, he meant in relationships as he mentioned a few things she has said about guys she has met and is very demanding towards them. I asked about her to get an idea of what kind of person she was.

Obviously, he must enjoy her company when he hangs out with her. To my knowledge, he has never dropped her as a friend, he seems to look after his friendships.

I personally would not demand so much from someone like she does. I would strike a balance. I get that their routine is meeting so many times per week but sometimes things change in life. She should not have this right to spend this much time with him.
It should be a mutual thing.

My friendships have evolved over the years due to circumstances, commitments other things going on, l would not expect everything my way as we all have our own lives.

The more time that my boyfriend and l share going forward, will impact the time he has for her at times. That is up to him to sort out. She wants her 3 times per week and that's it!!

It would be interesting to see if she would join us for a walk.

then ask her.

And moving forward with him, leave him to sort out his own friendships and how much time he gives them. As long as you are happy seeing him when you do, there's no reason for you to be involved if he is seeing her everyday for a morning walk if it doesn't impact on your time together

• meaning IF he wanted to see her every morning and he wasn't with you, what impact would that have on you? None!

I am blaming her because my boyfriend has said in the past that she didn't want no for an answer when he didn't want to go walking....He doesn't see it as an issue
He needs to make his mind up!

He's enjoying having two women 'chasing' him.
I suspect he knows she has a soft spot for him, and he encourages this.
If he wanted to he could do exactly as a poster above suggested and arrange a set time - and not change it if she can't make it that day.
He's able to set boundaries with his male friends and he could with her, but his ego enjoys the game too much.

My boyfriend did offer to drop her and another friend if it was going to affect our relationship
Don't fall for that one!
HE needs to make that decision if he feels that his 'friends' are not respecting his boundaries!
Anyway, how can he not see an issue with it yet also be saying stuff like this?
He's so transparent.

Instead he's trying to manipulate you into taking 'responsibility' for it....so in the event of a split he can say it was you controlling him.

He's a twat!
Tell him to sort his own mess out - and take responsibility for it.

He's coming around to see me later so l will talk to him about things. I do believe he knows that he has her on a string though but we haven't spoke at length about it. I am writing here from my own perspective and not his.

People speak about you the way you hear them speak of others. This woman is supposed to be his friend yet he belittles her to you and presents her as clingy and stalkerish. He's probably portraying you to her in a very negative manner too. I'd bet he's claiming you're controlling and jealous.

I wouldn't trust someone who speaks badly of their friend nor someone who claims they have no control of their boundaries within friendships.

There are men who enjoy playing competing women off each other for his own ego and amusement. It's up to you to engage with that.

He's spending time walking with her because he enjoys spending time walking with his friend.

Which he is perfectly entitled to do. Men and women can just be friends.

I do a lot of walking. I have a small group of friends I do it with. Some male. Some female. Sometimes there are a few of us. Sometimes, it's just me and one female friend who is just as keen on walking as I am.

Happily, my girlfriend is secure in who she is, and trusts me. Anybody who kicked off aboht me maintaining something I love doing, and friendships that I'm entitled to have, wouldn't be a girlfriend for long. I've been in a relationship witb a controlling, insecure woman before. It ain't fun!

He's putting your plans first. You have no right to demand more from him than that.

I haven't mentioned the walking since. I have realised that l have trust issues which l have to work on.