I've ended an intense fling but we still have to see each other every day!

[fordfocused]

So I had a brief fling with a man at work, it lasted about a month. It transpired that he was married with a baby and although he liked me, I was just his bit on the side basically!

I had actually started to get feelings for him, so for this reason I made the decision to stop our situation on Friday. He told me that he was really gutted but understood and said it was the right decision.

The problem is we work in the same office together. And our desks are pretty close. I have to walk past him to go out the room and can hear his voice when he is talking etc. I feel pretty upset about the whole situation at the moment and although things ended friendly, I'm not sure how I will cope seeing him everyday!

Does anyone have any advice? Should I blank him? We're both in professional roles so neither of will be leaving our jobs! It's going to be hard :(

I'm confused

Is this someone different?

Same person. Why confused?

Gosh, your office is going to be super awkward isn’t it?

If you don’t know if someone at work is married or not, it would be easy to find out before having an affair eg ask them, ask someone else.

Reality is sometimes you don’t know. I’ve been caught out like that and dumped the cheater as soon as I found out too. Well done for just finishing it and not being swayed by any further lies.

As for how to cope: do you really want to be with someone who can do this. Imagine a neon sign saying cheater over his head every time you see him.

10 days ago you hadn't had sex. When did you find out about the wife?

I think 12pinkchairsisconfused OP because you've posted this and saying you've had a month long fling with the man from the office but that screenshot is asking about the man from office seeing your naked body and was only posted 9 days ago

Surely that means their relationship only got physical a week ago and prior to that they were texting? I don't see what's so confusing

@fordfocused so you suspected and 10 days ago hadn't slept with him. We're you suspicious before sleeping with him?

You were worried about him judging your saggy boobs and stretchmarks on the 19th April, yet 9 days later, you've been having a fling with him for a month and have now ended it?
FWIW I don't believe anyone can work in close proximity with others and be unaware of their relationship status and whether or not they have children.

Oh I didn't think of that . Makes sense

We got naked recently. Before that any contact was messaging, pictures and meeting without getting naked- kissing only.

@LuckyLou7 bollocks. There are two people I work with and have worked with for double figure years seated less than 10m from me who I still can’t figure out their relationship status. I heard a rumour once that one may be gay and the other occasionally mentions a guys name but I haven’t figured out if that’s a partner as it may be a brother from context.

I talk to them all the time so it’s not like we’re unsociable. They just don’t go into it and I respect their privacy.

@fordfocused when did you suspect he wasn't single I'm sounding like a cracked record and OP is ignoring the simple question!

You can lie on here all you like op but people have a pretty good bullshit radar.

You knew he was married.
You pretended in your head he wasn't to justify the situation.
If you had a month long fling then he wouldn't have been as "available" as you and would possibly have been on time limits etc.

I don't believe for one second that you ended it because you had feelings for him. Are you sure you're telling the full story here as I think a huge chunk of it is missing.

If people are single then they tend to come and go as they please. This man had the slight obstacle of his wife and child in the way so surely he was difficult to see out of work?

The signs were all there. Did you only social media stalk him at the end? Why not at the beginning if you had doubts?

Spidey senses tingling away here.

I suspected before I slept with him yes.

This comment before I say it is no aimed at your OP .

I feel really sorry for his wife having an unfaithful husband . My husband has never been unfaithful but I've been cheated on by a boyfriend previously and it's the worst feeling

@fordfocused oh well then more fool you then

@fordfocused ahh well suffer the consequences then, enjoy work tomorrow, hope it's super fun! You knew what you were getting yourself into so jo sympathy.

Don't know why the OP is being flamed - she was single and broke no commitment!

I know I'm going to be flamed now but his situation is his responsibility not mine. I did promptly end it. That is not why I wrote this post though.

Perhaps it would be easier all round if you started looking for another job? Particularly if you still have feelings for him. Are you going to be able to maintain a [professional relationship with him? What about work nights out? The other thing is, I bet your colleagues are fully aware of your intense fling with Mr married-with-a-baby- does that bother you?

This is not to criticise you but our of interest why did you sleep with him when you suspected he was married but then check and end it? Why didn’t you just check first?

It is good that you ended it but it sounds like you made your own bed as you got involved knowing it was a bad situation

@toffeeapple123 because she giving it "oh it's going to be awkward" she knew that before she shagged him! She was also making out she didn't suspect he was married when she shagged him.

If she was perfectly comfortable with the situation why make out she didn't know?

You shag the married man/woman in your workplace then suffer the embarrassment. That's life.