My ex husband won’t give back my parents inheritance

[dalmationdotty]

I am in the process of a divorce after a long marriage. Long story short. Over the last 10 or so years my father used to give me lump sums of money from part of my future inheritance. He said he’d rather I had the money now when I needed it. He has since passed, bless him. I used the money as a deposit to buy our first home and our second home and also to do our extension etc. Which my husband knew and was very happy about. Without my parents help we would have never afforded our current property. I also worked part time so have always contributed to the running costs and mortgage too. Now we are looking to possibly sell the property and in splitting the profit I have asked for the inheritance that was mine to be accounted for. My husband just laughed at me and told me I was an idiot. FYI I am not wanting to sell the house as still have young kids at the local school and I have been paying the bills and mortgage myself since he has left. He only pays me child maintenance and nothing more and hasn’t contributed to the upkeep of the house either since he has left. He is forcing or trying to force a sale as he needs the money to buy his own home which I don’t think is unreasonable at all. But he says we split the house 50:50. FYI he is on a huge salary 4 x mine and is renting a very nice big family home, but he wants to own a home not rent anymore.
Any advice??

Wait till he finds out you get half his pension.... That is the big kicker....

The Op wont get half of his pension, shes worked albeit part time and has her own pension, she also has X years of employment in her to accrue her own pension plus shes not been married to him for 50% of his working life-. (presumably 18 to 68 = 50 years these days)

Posters on MN really should stop with the completely unrealistic expectations.

The money from the OPs dad is/was a marital asset.

Get a good solicitor. Give them all the information and see what they think is achievable. Only a solicitor will know but with children a family home and a huge disparity in earnings it sounds like it would be well worth the outlay in legal fees. 50:50 is the ^starting point>. Also, ask your solicitor about interim spousal maintenance.

I know you can receive a certain amount a year without having to pay tax (I think it's £3,000)|

From parents and grand parents its 5,000 per annum, not 3,000 and can be back dated, which is tax free. Also taken into account ais the £2,500 gift allowance to grand children. Larger lump sums are liable for tax if the donor dies within 7 years of the gift on a sliding scale:

The 7 year rule
If there’s Inheritance Tax to pay, it’s charged at 40% on gifts given in the 3 years before you die.
Gifts made 3 to 7 years before your death are taxed on a sliding scale known as ‘taper relief’.

Years between gift and death
less than 3 40%
3 to 4 - 32%
4 to 5 - 24%
5 to 6 - 16%
6 to 7 - 8%
7 or more - 0%

• adjustment / should read

From parents its 5,000 per annum, not 3,000 and can be back dated, which is tax free. Also taken into account is the £2,500 gift allowance to grand children.

Hang on, what am I missing here?

Did he always outearn you by such a large margin?

Why is your inheritance "your money" which you want ringfenced, and the salary which he earned above and beyond what you earned is "family money" which you deserve to have split?

Baffled at the irony of that, unless there's a drip feed on its way.

Money is fungible. That means that £1 in the divorce pot could have come from your father's inheritance, or your husband's work - it's the same £1 regardless.

So it doesn't matter which 'pot' of money you get paid out of, as long as you feel the settlement is fair.

I suspect the inheritance will be considered a marital asset, and therefore part of the pot. Family savings and your husband's pension will also be part of the pot (as will yours if you have one).

Could you convince yourself that the money you're awarded from your husband's pension, and any share of property >50%, will be equivalent to getting your Dad's inheritance back?

Back to the lawyer it is then. But sounds like I’ve lost my dads money or at least half of it. It was never intended for my husband but for me. Any decent person would realise that and give it back. Especially when they are earning very well themselves!

You need a solicitor asap as others have said. They will ensure you get a fair split. I presume you are set to inherit some more from your Dad from the wording of your post it sounds like you might be.
Your STBXH is relying on you being passive to get the possible deal out of the divorce. Therefore you need to stand up for yourself to make sure it is fair.
The gifts your Dad gave you ended up in the family pot so they will have to be included when the assets are counted but your STBXH also brought assets to the pot through his higher salary etc. It's all very complicated - that's why you need to take legal advice.

Never mind what he says; don't sign anything, refuse to discuss it with him. This man is your enemy: he will be trying to screw you over so you can't trust him. Get yourself a good laywer with appropriate experience and put it in that lawyer's hands.

I think you were mistaken in thinking the money from your Dad was yours alone. You were/are married so share finances. Being married in this instance means that all pensions, savings, inheritance etc are jointly yours as a couple.

@Orangeballon, that is no longer the case. Each parent is seen mostly as equal for housing needs. However his ability to raise a mortgage is relevant.

OP, even if you protected your share through a deed of trust it may not have made a difference, didn't in my case as it is seen as martial assets. His pension is also a martial assets so a 50/50 split is likely.

If you add up all assets, equity, savings both pensions and start with 50/50 then that is more realistic split. You could get more but depends on housing needs. If you need 55% to get a adequate house, based on number of children so 2 DC equals 3 bed house then that would be agreed.

A pp said you will get to stay in the house till the dc are 21. Not true! Too many factors to declare that. My divorce went to court and I had to sell up with two small dc so ex could get his share of the equity.

Every couple’s situation is different though hence the need for legal advice specific to you.

"The inheritance is a marital asset now, so you can't get that back as such. However, if he earns more than you and you have the kids more often than him, you should get more than a 50:50 split. You need to talk to a good solicitor."

This.

Try not to think of the inheritance as yours any more OP, its all assets now. So what you need to do, is get a SHL and go for 70:30 of the current assets, especially as he earns so much more than you do. Go for maintenance and half his pension as well.

my father passed away over 7 years after his last gift to me. My mother is still alive tho and going strong luckily.
I will def take half my EH pension pot, I was trying to trade it off against equity in the house but he’s having none of it.
Also he’s expecting me to pay for all the household upkeep and maintenance (for the past 18 months or more now) and he hasn’t contributed a thing towards “his house” as he calls it or paid the mortgage in that time either. We remortgaged a year ago as our fixed rate was up and I asked for interest only but could only get that with EH agreement as I didn’t earn enough but he did. He refused insisting on a repayment mortgage fixed for 2 years so I can’t do anything about that for another year or pay a massive penalty to get out of it. I’m sure he did it in the hope it would break me financially and force me to sell but I’ve kept up the mortgage payments and bills all in my own despite him. Working 3 jobs in my spare time around the children. If only I’d know all this stuff years ago and not been so blind and trusting!!! I kept saying to everyone he def won’t screw me over he’s not like that, guess I am very wrong!

OP by sounds of it your ex is pretty keen on buying a new home and getting out of rented. He needs a deposit for that despite his big income. That means he is going to want to speed things up and you have the power to slow things down. You sit in the way of his new home. No need to throw it in his face but maybe show him you mean business

Every time he pushes indicate you will slow it all down. Maybe even say it would help if he let you have a lump sum released to pay for the divorce.

For household maintenance we pay 70:30 in line with the split. I generally only ask him for a share if the job is over £300.

He retains a financial interest in the house which he will benefit from in time.

Op, it's good you're seeing a lawyer I've no idea why you wish to be this mans friend when he's fucking you over and laughing in your face.

Distance yourself, everything through thr solicitors and you can also go after him for your legal fees.

Don’t start bargaining for lump sums.

Make a list of marital assets - it is useful to take to the solicitors
Prepare a budget, of all your incomings and out goings. Every. Little. Thing. Haircuts etc.

He’s got off lightly not paying for a roof over the children’s heads for the last year and a half. What does he pay?

Don’t engage. Don’t negotiate. Mediation works if you both want it to.

Pay someone for their expertise. What is overwhelming for you is piss easy for them.

Yes get a solicitor, but don’t be too adversarial - then lots of your marital assets end up paying legal costs!

Don’t get hung up on inheritance or who “should” get what, it just goes in the pot with everything else

I would recommend family mediation. You will get at least 50% of the pot. He also needs to pay maintenance

Yes he is your enemy, but if you can keep things as amicable as possible you will benefit from that for many years to come, and still get a fair share of the pot

What has he paid for since he moved out, in terms of your DC and keeping a roof over their head?

List everything you have spent and how much he contributed, both before and after you split, ready for your solicitor visit (as well as all the assets and debts etc).

He only pays child maintenance as worked out by the CSA calculator but he earns above the threshold so it’s an underestimation really. I ask him for half of the money for kids extras like ballet etc and big school trips like PGL otherwise I pay for everything kids need myself like uniform and kit etc

OP you need to get on the Wikivorce website - lots of good advice from professionals who can give you support before you speak to a solicitor so you can make the most of their expensive appointment. 50/50 is NOT a good place to start in view of his much higher salary (and presumably higher pension) and if you are main carer for the dcs. Don't do yourself out of a single penny for an easy life, you'll regret it.

So questions sorry if I’ve missed the answers. Who do the DC live with most of the time? This will form the basis of your maintenance go on the calculator and work out the statutory minimum so at least you have a figure when you speak to solicitor. If his salary is 4x more than yours because you took part time work to facilitate child care you go after a huge chunk of his pension. If dc are under 18 you can stay in family home until they finish full time education and then sell and split it 60:40 as long as he continues to pay his half of the mortgage and you can afford the upkeep.

Stop being so nice. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about the inheritance it’s formed part of the marital assets over the years.

So he’s not paid towards the mortgage but still wants 50/50? Plus keep his pension? And only pay the minimum the CSA calculator shows?

This shows you the type of man he is. He won’t be reasonable on divorce. Seriously, you need to stop thinking about giving in and getting less than is fair, for your own and DC sake, simply to smooth things over. Things will never be smooth and he isn’t your friend.

Why is your inheritance "your money" which you want ringfenced, and the salary which he earned above and beyond what you earned is "family money" which you deserve to have split

Normally I agree an inheritance is the persons it was left too. However in an instance like this I'd just see it a step contributing in one go then having the option to work part time.

Obviously if the PT work still enabled 50/50 in the bills then to expect it ring fenced wouldn't be that wrong.

If it was a gift in lieu of inheritance it may not actually be seen as an inheritance.