Group tour holiday and the tip to the guide - AIBU to question this?

[user57424]

I am on a tour group holiday. 12 people. The trip was very expensive, you pay for the nice hotels and safe transportation etc. I chose it because I hadn't travelled alone before but I only just about managed to pay for it. anyway, after booking we have all the info through and the last page says there is the option to give a tip as is the local custom, to the guide who was with us for the week. they suggest 10 pounds a day, but at your discretion at the end of the trip.

during the trip, it has been suggested that 2,500 is collected, meaning we pay about 200 pounds each for a week. one person in the group is very loud and has sort of taken control of this and is asking when people are drawing out money so they can collect it.

these are people ive met on the tour so didn't know them before. AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this? I know they are collecting it for the guide - no concerns over that part - but I think 200 is a lot of money and the holiday was already very expensive. it is a poor country generally so I feel terrible at the same time!! I obviously have more than this guide and driver does, but I didn't plan to spend this.

never been in this situation before so don't know if it's the standard? nobody else has said anything about it but I did get the impression a couple of them were surprised at the amount, but in a group situation like this nobody wants to rock the boat or come across like a dick.

advice welcome!!!

Op is there some confusion? Ten a day for the guide. But they are suggesting the same for the driver? Which would equate to 180 per person , as you are there for nine days, and she's asking 200? So they have just rounded it up for convenience? As it's only an extra 20 each?

It is normal to tip the driver, not just the guide. And of course the suggested amount is likely in lieu of wages, which are probably very low indeed. If people didn't pay it, then possibly the trip would cost more up front. If you're in a poor country there could be high crime levels, so the driver and guide may do more than is visible. They also keep you safe.

If you can't afford it, I think you need to explain that to this woman, and say what you are willing to tip them, and that you will give it to them directly.

The fact that it is over double the recommended amount

I'm not sure it is, because the recommendation is for one person. There is two here. It looks to be in line with the recommendation. And the op herself calls the driver a guide at one point, so he clearly does more than simply drive silently.

Pay the required amount, tell her you’ll pay your tip yourself directly to the guide. Pull yourself together and do it the very next time you see her or this nonsense will permeate the whole holiday and be at the back of your mind. I know it sounds easier said than done but since I decided to confront issues ASAP no matter how shaky I was feeling about life has got a lot easier for me. I’m serious. The more direct you are and the sooner you confront things the less stressful things are and it really does become a habit. In fact go find her now and tell her. We are cheering you on

It is usual on trips like this for an envelope to be passed around and the whole lot handed over at once.

£10 (or in many cases $10) per person per day is also pretty usual.

It should have been mentioned by your travel agent or on the website of the company that organised the trip. You shouldn't be surprised by this cost.

It's not usual for the person taking care of the envelope to make such a fuss, or to count your money, or in any way insist.

It's also not usual for the envelope to be passed around until near the end of the trip.

IME it is normal to tip the guide/driver etc, and the high suggested amount business can happen if there is an 'organiser' in the group. You just need to stand your ground and say you will make your own decision. When I have resisted others have too and an envelope has been passed around for each to put in their chosen amount. It has to be said that I have usually ended up giving more than I originally intended but never as much as the ludicrous amounts suggested by, for example, wealthy US travellers.

I’ve been on a few organised tours & have never tipped the guide anything like £200. Plus, have always given the money discreetly to the guide & also the driver. I certainly wouldn’t be railroaded into handing over a load of cash to someone I had only just met.

I've been on a lot of group holidays and tipping is the norm, its usually shared out between guide, drivers and any other staff. Its a guide amount but people can get very difficult about it.

I did cause a stir on one trip as I gave the guide some books which probably had a value of over Sixty pounds and consequently reduced the cash tip. The guide was a very educated young man in a very restricted country with little access to books and he greatly appreciated the books. The person collecting the tips got into a right old lather about it

If the guide is a local they are paid local wages + tiny bit more but yes they are on low wage, give £50 or whatever you can afford and chalk it up to experience, tips are always mentioned in the paperwork on these types of holiday and you should respect that. is this bossy woman American by any chance as they have a much more robust tipping culture, for what it’s worth I personally abhor tipping and almost never do it at home in the uk if I can makes me cringe but I also respect that it’s how he is scrapping a living, call it western privilege tax if you like ?

What an awful position this woman has put you in! Its not so much the money but the fact that someone you don’t know is dictating what you can/can’t should/shouldn’t do - I’d find it really disconcerting and it would be playing on my mind and spoiling my enjoyment of my holiday.

I do think it would be better to tip the recommended amount (rather than under tip) but you don’t need to go broke because a random woman has decided everyone need to overpay. I’d double check that you aren’t supposed to do separate tips for the driver AND guide though.

Really, though, the only options you’ve got are to pay what she wants or say something. I’m not good at confrontation but there’s no way I’d let this lie. Next time she brought it up I’d say ‘Actually I think it would be better to just send an envelope around at the end of trip. If not I’d rather give them a tip them myself with a personal note.’ And just repeat variants of that until she hopefully backs off.

Is there a driver and a guide or is the driver wearing a headset and talking over a microphone to everyone whilst driving?

Does the literature you were given suggest £10 per day to both driver and guide (if they are separate individuals)?

Ye Gads stand your ground. Give the amount you want to give straight to the guide/driver.

Why do you feel you have to do what this bossy woman wants? Why give a shit what she or anyone else thinks??

Tell her "Nope, not going to do that, I have my own plan of what/how to tip"

The end

OK stop, breath, this isn't a big deal "Mary I am sure you mean well but I am sorting out my own tip, with all due respect we know each other a week, I am not discussing anything financial with you, transferring money to you or even continuing this conversation with you, that's the end of it" and if she says a another word "You really are being inappropriate and have gone beyond pushy with a bunch of strangers, stop it now"

None of that needs to be said aggressively but firmly, people like her bulldoze people because they catch them off guard, keep this in mind SHE IS A STRANGER - FUCK WHAT SHE THINKS OF YOU, now treat her with the same upfront assertive attitude she is treating you with.

And tip the €90

Sorry but this is only a problem if you make it one. Just say you are sorting it out yourself and give what you want. I'd ignore the recommended tip and give what you want.

Don't worry about it and don't give it anymore thought. If you end up giving in and giving her the recommended money I bet you will really regret it.

Hope you enjoy the rest of the holiday.

I too wondered about driver and guide both getting tips which means £200 would be about right.

All of it sounds excessive to me. Even if the 2500 was split between driver and guide, that’s 1250 each for 9 days work, in a poor country! A lot of people here don’t earn that much for 9 days work!

I wouldn’t give in to the pressure. It doesn’t matter what miss bossy thinks, you’ll never see her again.

I too wondered about driver and guide both getting tips which means £200 would be about right.

Yes this is my view also. The ore holiday information informed the op ten a day is the norm, as such 200 per individual for the nine days for two people would be about right. It would be 180 to be accurate.

I think if the op had phrased this differently the reactions would have been different,

I booked a holiday, on the pre information it was stated a tip of ten a day per guide was the norm per person as a tip, but at my discretion.
There are two of them, a guide and a guide come driver.
The holiday is 9 days.
This gives me a cost of 180, 90 each.
I had not planned this and was going to give 50 in total, 25 each.
The group has agreed to collect the tip as one, and then hand it over. They have rounded it to 200 as it's been an excellent trip.
I can't pay this and one of the members is hassling me.

I think the responses would be, then you need to be honest, and explain uou will tip seperately as you can't afford it.

I do trips like this all the time. Tipping is so personal. The amount is a suggestion - and to be clear is a high suggestion. We usually navigate this by taking control of the situation and saying very firmly that if anyone wants to do a group tip we are happy to chip in to an anonymous envelope (so people can give what they are able or want to) or we'll do it ourselves. Most people chip in to the envelope. We do thus because there are a lot of people who are super bossy like your fellow trip mate and I got sick of feeling uncomfortable with it and others being made to feel bad because they couldn't afford it!

The key thing now is not to let this person bully you into doing something. Have a gentle chat and say you're not comfortable that everyone can afford a set amount and suggest envelope as an approach that might work. If she is insistent on her way or the highway, and she calls you out on it on the bus etc, be breezy and just say you're sorted, thanks. And give what you want or can afford. Others will not think you are an idiot they will admire you for this and then question themselves as to why they didn't do this for themselves.

I don't tip a set amount.it depends how good the guide is, where we are, cost of living, how many trips a year they might do etc. Usually it's about $10 per day ish (which is only 140 for 2 week trip so 200 for 9 days I'm afraid I would not happen for me). Sometimes more. Sometimes less.

The issue really is op, you should have spoken up at the time it was agreed and said, I'm sorry that's a bit much for me, let's do an anonymous envelope or whatever. By not saying anything they think you've agreed, and of course now she's chasing for the money, thjnking you wish to give it.

I get how hard it is to be the one who says no, I'm not going to pay that, but you were always going to have to say it at some point, so the sooner the better to avoid all the confusion afterwards. It's now starting to over shadow your trip because you've not told them

As for these men, yes it is likely high pay, but possibly for a reason. They are away from home. They will also be protecting you. If they don't go out of their way to make sure the trip is good, they lose custom and get bad reviews. These men are key to the success of it. So having them well paid is important. It's arguable about whether that should be up front in salary and charged to the cost of the holiday, or via tip at the end, but there is huge advantages to a tip at the end. It's an incentive for them to do it well. Each and every trip. Because their wages are dependent on it.

Is there not some person who is from the tour company who is kind of in charge? Can you speak to them and get them to stop this bossy woman in her tracks?

It's none of her business what each person does!

Speak to her privately and say you will be only giving £50 as that is all you can afford. She can hardly make you give more!

Based on her behaviour, I would suspect that not all of the money collected will make it to the guide(s).

I would just smile ingratiatingly at her every time and say oh you ARE brilliant aren’t you offering to organise all that but I never talk money or politics among friends so I have made my own tipping arrangement, OK?

It will drive her mad because she won’t know whether you are tipping more or less and because she can’t control you. Remain enigmatic on this subject. The others will wish they were like you.

I think the amount you tip should be entirely at your own discretion OP. The info leaflet suggesting £90 per person or whatever is only advice, it’s not an instruction.

And however much you decide to tip, it really isn’t anything to do with bossy woman - so just tell her you’re sorting your own tip, repeat, repeat, repeat.

'Oh no, I did this once and the collector waltzed off with most of the cash. Never again. I'll make my own arrangements thanks.'

I've done a few of these and it is totally normal to tip the guide directly (if you wish to). When she brings it up again you can just smile sweetly and say 'thanks, I'm going to tip {guide} directly'. Ask at the hotel for an envelope to put it in.

What the company have suggested is - just that - a suggestion. Round it up or down to what you feel comfortable with. If you appreciated the guide's services then you can show this in other ways - online review /email to the company and local agent praising him by name, recommending him to others if he is self-employed, offering contact details. When I visited China I had 2 hours to kill at the airport with a guide and we practised a speech she was preparing for a competition. I coached her on her English, found alternative words for those she was finding difficult, etc. No £cost to me but value to her.

Don't let it spoil your trip - it sounds as though you've taken a punt for a nice holiday so don't let bossyboots spoil it for you.