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Original poster

Masturbation

65 replies

mamato3lads · 26/04/2019 20:18

Hi everyone
Just need some perspective here please. I recently discovered through DH Internet history that he wanks A LOT....even at weekends when i am obviously RIGHT THERE and never say no. Been together 18 years 3 kids and generally happy. He is affectionate and sex is at least a couple times a week. He said that was enough! That our sex life was great! Then why the need to look up porn or celebrity women he fancies so much Confused
I feel devastated. He is understanding of my upset but can't see why im so hurt. I suffer from anxiety and this has triggered a massive relapse and im crippled at the moment. I feel rejected. Lied to. Its so sneaky makes me wonder what else he's up to that i was oblivious of. I dont look up men... Why the need? He also searched for an image of a particular girl he'd obviously seen while out shopping. He typed in the girls name then the name of the shop and our local area. Was only one search. An image search. I asked him, he pretended to be baffled but it was only a year ago. He obviously remembers. He spotted her when out, and decided to try and find a picture of her for his morning wank. I know this. I said it to him, he claims not to have a clue. So more lies.

Im devastated and cant see a way forward. For perspective he is a good man in all other ways, works very hard, is loving, complimentary and affectionate
He never goes out. Hates me going out. Always wants to be together. Is very soppy really and tells me every single day how much he loves me. Always been like that. Maybe that's why i didn't see this coming and its knocked me for six.

Am I being ridiculous? I just dont know
Please help

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 26/04/2019 20:23

I think you misunderstand why people masturbate.

I'm post menopausal but when I was younger I used to masturbate a lot. At least once a day.

I didn't masturbate because my sex life was bad. It's just an easy, very fast, enjoyable thing to do with only yourself to consider. It's comforting. A bit like kids sucking their thumbs.

Original poster
mamato3lads · 26/04/2019 20:31

I do understand that to an extent but to search for a picture of someone he's seen amd obviously fancied while out shopping makes me feel physically ill. Dont know if im overreacting or not, the anxiety makes it hard to tell if im being rational

OP posts:
Alwaysgrey · 26/04/2019 20:33

I masturbate at least once a day. It’s no reflection on my dh but means I only have to think of myself and no one else.

mindutopia · 26/04/2019 20:40

Masturbation, completely normal. But how do you know he was searching for an image of someone for that reason? I literally must search for images of people about once a week- mostly because I want to confirm their names for some reason. For all you know, he could have been trying to find out this employees name to make a complaint about something and wanted to make sure he got it right. Who knows?

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 26/04/2019 20:43

I think you're worrying to much and seeing hurt where none is intended. If your DH was chatting women up, fair enough, but he's just looking. It says nothing about how much he loves you.

I understand you suffer from anxiety but that's doesn't justify dramatising the fact that he gets turned on in private by pictures of other women. He's not sitting next to you doing this wanking, I assume.

Original poster
mamato3lads · 26/04/2019 20:49

No, he's next door in the bathroom. Blush

I can see the sense in what you're saying but it hurts to know he looked someone "real" up. That she made such an impression on him he had to look her up to masturbate over her picture. Its devastating to me.
And to the person who asked i know it was for a quck wank and not to make a complaint or whatever, it's always the same time ish he does these searches... 6am ish.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 26/04/2019 20:49

Gosh, honestly I think you need to get some help. When you object to your partner masterbating, or even thinking it's in any way shape or form your business when, how or how often he wanks, then you really are in serious need of help.

Apologise to Him and call your doctor to discuss your anxiety and other issues.

Original poster
mamato3lads · 26/04/2019 20:51

I have already called the doctor, appointment next week. I know i need some help.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 26/04/2019 20:53

Yes you do. I won't sugar coat it.

And you need to apologise to your partner for invading his privacy to this level and treating him like this. How humiliating for him.

MsLayla · 26/04/2019 20:53

Hang on. Her husband is frequently nipping off to the bathroom when she's right there in the house to watch porn and wank. And then comes back in all normal like nothings happened.

OP, we might be in the minority but I would also find this unsettling. The worst bit being that you're right there next door.

Original poster
mamato3lads · 26/04/2019 20:55

Yep. Asleep admittedly, but yes right fucking there. Never say no to sex either

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 26/04/2019 20:58

It's completely normal to masturbate. And yes to do it in your own home. Where else is he going to do it.

And If thr genders were reversed the op would be slaughtered on here.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 26/04/2019 20:59

OP says her DH is wanking at 6am. I'd be asleep at that time. Sounds like he wakes up with a morning glory and deals with it. Very mundane.

Dunno about you, MsLayla, but if my DP was monitoring my internet searches and masturbation timings I'd be seriously pissed off. Does the poor bloke have no privacy?

Pharlapwasthebest · 26/04/2019 21:01

Masterbating is different though, it’s not about you. I do it sometimes, because I want to, and it’s no reflection on my oh, it’s just because I want to.

Bluntness100 · 26/04/2019 21:03

Masturbation and sex are two very different things indeed.

Op do you never masturbate? Because if not, that's what would be abnormal here.

Ohhellothereladyface · 26/04/2019 21:09

I understand it’s not nice to think of your husband masturbating, but honestly all men do it. You say he’s loving and affectionate, you have a good sex life, and that he never goes out etc, so please see it for what it is, just a human habit that has no reflection of how he feels about you or his faithfulness. Hope you’re ok!

Namenic · 26/04/2019 21:10

OP - if you’re not ok with it, that is fine. I’m not ok with it and don’t like the idea of DH wanking over someone else’s pics (would be ok if it was pics of me). But as is evident from this thread some people are ok with that, which is fine too. You just need to talk to DH and explain why you are upset. Both of you have to negotiate about what you find acceptable. Would marriage counselling help?

Bluntness100 · 26/04/2019 21:15

Both of you have to negotiate about what you find acceptable

WTAF? He doesn't have to negotiate with her on his masturbatory habits 😱

ahtellthee · 26/04/2019 21:15

Don't know masterbation.

It's sex with someone you love

Fatted · 26/04/2019 21:17

Hang on, has he actually admitted to having a want at 6 am every morning? Or is that just when he's looking at porn on the internet at that time. Looking at porn doesn't necessarily mean he's having a wank at the same time.

Nottheduchess · 26/04/2019 21:18

Sometimes I don’t want sex, I just want a wank. Absolutely no reflection on my DH, I don’t love or fancy anyone else more.

MadamGrumpsalot · 26/04/2019 21:20

Truly wouldn't bother me. Everyone masturbates and it's a personal thing - I do it. DH does it. I don't feel the need to know about his alone time and happily he's respectful of mine too. Masturbatipn is no reflection on your sex life or relationship- it's simply a means to an end and feels good.

I would however be completely devastated and hurt if my DH looked through my internet history. I would personally feel that would shake the trust in our marriage.

Bluntness100 · 26/04/2019 21:22

Op let me try and put it into perspective for you.

For most men, having a wank is no different to taking a shit. He's emptying his ball sack, excuse my crudity, and quickly satisfying an urge. He likely rubs one out quickly in the shower.

It is not like sex. It is not like sex with you. It's not even like sex with himself. He doesn't wear his best boxers, don aftershave, light candles and have soft music playing.

It's a bodily function. It means nothing.to him. Like taking a shit.

lovesmarties · 26/04/2019 21:24

Reminiscent of the Peter Kaye advert for John Smiths - 'Claire from work' (find it on youtube).

Call me narrow-minded, but I would be deeply and painfully hurt if dp was really hunting down image of shop assistant, to fantasise over.

But was he really doing this? How could you be sure?

EngagedAgain · 26/04/2019 21:24

Whether she realises it or not, I don't think it's just the wanking that bothers the OP. Dig deeper and it's probably the fact he was interested in someone local for wank fodder. Plus the fact he never goes out, and doesn't want her going out. OP, it is normal for men to wank, but presumably if he was a bit more discreet you wouldn't mind so much?