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Original poster

Husband said he would do housework for sex

83 replies

Workoverload83 · 26/04/2019 11:50

Not really sure to begin with this thread,I'm at my wits end and need some impartial advice.
Been married 5 years with 1 DC,I'm currently studying, working part time looking after DC and deal with 95% off all household duties.
Recently I've been feeling very overwhelmed I'm in the last phase of my course and am pushing to finish early . DH works full time in a manual job ,but once he's home from work he literally does nothing.
I've repeatedly asked for help ,last night I asked again and explained it's his house and child too and I'm demented trying to keep up with everything.
He basically sat watching the TV saying he works hard and he does what he can.
Then he said if we had sex everyday I would happily help more in the house. As if I'm some sort of call girl. He wasn't joking and I'm actually horrified .
The marriage hasn't been going well but this is a new low. Am I overreacting or Am I right to think up yours!!.

OP posts:
Hearhere · 26/04/2019 12:47

My preference is for sex to be something that both people do for mutual enjoyment and mutual pleasure.

The fact that he frames sex as equivalent to housework tells me that he views sex as a kind of maintenance service that you perform for him
Just as he might ask you to shave his back because he can't do it himself very well he also wants you to empty his balls because it's better for him than doing it himself

Hearhere · 26/04/2019 12:50

And yes if someone tried to make this kind of bargain with me I would be renegotiating, I would want a whole year's worth of housework in return for one hour of sex, what he is asking for is something like one shag is equivalent to washing up a few plates, as if you were a desperate Street prostitute who would give someone a blow job for a fiver

SandyY2K · 26/04/2019 12:52

I'd stop doing anything you currently do for him...like cooking, laundry etc.

Such a horrible comment.

FireFighter999 · 26/04/2019 12:56

Who is forcing you to run round doing everything OP?

Seriously stop! Do stuff for your DC and yourself but thats it. Do not cook, clean, wash up, just leave it all.

And as for sex, tell him he is a complete turn off because of his selfish lazy attitude!

Drogosnextwife · 26/04/2019 12:57

Tell him you don't find lazy fat sexist lumps sexually attractive unfortunately.

This!

Mistybee · 26/04/2019 12:59

Does he make more of a financial contribution than you since he works more hours than you?

How was he when you first had your baby? Was the housework, laundry, cooking etc done while you recovered?

Your husband sounds like my XH

He too was a lazy bastard who didn’t pull his weight in anyway but still thought I would find him desirable

It kills relationships dead

YouKnowILoveYou · 26/04/2019 13:04

My dh was like this. I'm now single!

ChuckleBuckles · 26/04/2019 13:09

You know what OP, take him up on his offer.

Find the hunkiest bloke you can, put him in a pinny and rubber gloves and have him cleaning the house when "D"H gets home from work. Tell hubby that he was correct and regular sex was now being exchanged for housework and introduce him to hunky bloke, the man now "on the job" so to speak.

More seriously though this kind of treatment can kill any desire stone dead, it is so disrespectful and smacks of "her indoors" knowing her place. Some men just don't seem to understand that treating a partner with kindness and care outside the bedroom dramatically improves things in the bedroom.

For now focus on studying and let the non essential housework slide, best of luck with your exams.

acalmerfuture · 26/04/2019 13:20

but if I was you I would go along with it (on your terms) and state that if he starts by pulling his weight for a full week then you can consider more regular sex if he keeps it up

Jesus Christ don't debase yourself with this proposal. Just stop doing any housework for him, no laundry, no dinner, no shopping. Let the lazy misogynist do it himself.

Original poster
Workoverload83 · 26/04/2019 13:32

Thank you to all for advice. It's what I had thought and there are more problems in our relationship than I had realised. For now I'm putting my study first once this is complete I will look at my options

OP posts:
mbosnz · 26/04/2019 13:38

Good on you. Also, prioritise your study over housework and cooking, if you're in exam mode. The world does not end if the vaccing does not get done. A cooked chook and a salad is a healthy meal. . .

Good luck with your studies!

slipperywhensparticus · 26/04/2019 13:40

What a turn off I suggest you be too tired for the foreseeable

Harebel · 26/04/2019 13:41

I'm sorry to say this but it's almost laughable like he's some sort of fucking prize and you're gonna be lucky to have sex with him once he's got off his lazy arse to do some housework.

Get a magic wand. You shouldn't be having to educate your husband about his responsibility to keep the house clean.

LindaLa · 26/04/2019 13:47

Talk to him seriously and ask him to make a list, like a menu what act for what chore.

When he has done it, copy it around ten times and give one to every member of his family but more importantly give it to a solicitor for a divorce.

Original poster
Workoverload83 · 26/04/2019 13:55

His family would think it's hilarious, they share his views if not worse one's.

OP posts:
cherryblossomgin · 26/04/2019 14:04

I would be wearing a chastity belt and not washing until he pulls his weight.

LindaLa · 26/04/2019 14:04

Really?? Did you lose some sort of contest to end up lumbered with him?

Get list, get solicitor and have a nice uncontested divorce

TheLazyDuchess · 26/04/2019 14:14

"I'd stop doing anything you currently do for him...like cooking, laundry etc."

"Such a horrible comment."

^I hope that was sarcasm..?

InTheHeatofLisbon · 26/04/2019 14:18

OP I'm furious for you reading that.

I also wouldn't lift a finger for him until he sorts his stinking attitude out. I certainly wouldn't want sex!

So aye, from now he can cook, clean, wash his own clothes, the works until it sinks in that he's got to be an actual grown up.

And he'll hopefully learn that a bone idle, disrespectful misogynist is about as sexually attractive as a bucket of sick!

ShinyShoe · 26/04/2019 14:28

He’s utterly vile. Time to consider your options

TheLazyDuchess · 26/04/2019 15:25

You could arrange it so when you do dh favours, like scrubbing his shit out of the loo, or sorting out his manky undewear, he gives you sexual favours in return too? So it goes both ways?

I hope he has a strong jaw, because I reckon he'd spend a lot more time pleasing you, than vice versa...

SavingSpaces2019 · 26/04/2019 15:33

he said if we had sex everyday I would happily help more in the house
He's full of bullshit.....he had sex with you and produced a child - and STILL does nothing!

He was 'helpful' at the beginning because he wanted to lull you into a false sense of security and get his feet under the table.
Now that he thinks he's 'got' you trapped he's reverted back to his real self.
Lying, deceitful prick!

I'd use him for childcare etc if you need it until you've completed your course and then dump him!

fecketyfeck21 · 26/04/2019 15:39

i would be telling to fuck himself via solictor and a divorce absolute.

shiveringtimber · 26/04/2019 15:55

What a creep. Tell him to dress in a frilly white apron, high heeled shoes with a feather up his arse and a rose between his teeth. Then laugh like hell & kick him out.

pallasathena · 26/04/2019 18:28

Careful he doesn't sabotage your studies OP...