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Original poster

So confused with his hot and cold behaviour

74 replies

Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 07:28

Met someone a few months ago & it’s been a bit on and off (long distance) but recently things have progressed and he spent a few days with me last week.

When he was with me he was soooo nice and we had a great time. Just really really relaxed and chilled out

When he went he txt me saying he really enjoyed my company and the day after was telling me he felt at peace with me he’d also proceeded to tell his dad and friends about ‘us’

However...since weds I have seen a totally different side to him! I’ve seen him act in ways I’ve never seen him act like before. I said something to him on weds and he kept copying what I was saying and then sending me really nasty voice notes. I called him and asked him what his problem is and he shouted at me for calling him on no caller Id (when he was with me he wanted to call someone his battery went flat so I said use my phone and changed my settings and must have forgot to put it back) he got really really angry and was like next time call me with ur number on. He also misunderstood what I’d said to him so he apologised and told me to not go on about it again

Because I was a bit shocked how he acted I did bring it up later saying oh I can’t believe you acted like that and he started twisting things and bringing up things I’d done to him which had no relevance to the convo

Then yesterday he started arguing with me as I mentioned I txt my ex about something. After a while he calmed down and he called me for ages and we had a nice convo but on the convo he mentioned that he had been ‘enquiring’ about me in my area! This caught me off guard a bit So I wanted to know who he’d asked and what he had said but he said he will call me back later he got busy

Anyway ... he was then texting me so I messaged him saying can u call me back urgently

When he called back he was like what’s up? I asked him who he asked and what they said and he went bezerk saying my cars broken down and is this is all u can go on about I already told u who told me why you going on about it etc etc he then said talk to me when your behaviour improves (he was the one shouting) and he was being quite nasty

Anyway I called him later saying I didn’t know ur car broke down as u had been messaging me so how was I to know? And he started saying I have lots of drama and I’m too emotional . When he calmed down he was nice again

I’m really confused Tbh. He lives far (3 1/2 hours ) and makes the effort to see me and was the nicest guy when we were together but I don’t know where this side of him has randomly come out from

OP posts:
Thewheelsarefallingoff · 26/04/2019 07:32

He sounds like a dick. Don't put up with that behaviour. I would tell him it's not working and block him. He's obviously seeing just how badly he can treat you and get away with it.

Shoxfordian · 26/04/2019 07:34

Yeah he's a dick
Block him and move on op

Nothavingfunrightnow · 26/04/2019 07:37

He will never be a better person than the person he has shown you. He sounds vile. Do yourself a favour and don't waste another minute on this man.

Lozzerbmc · 26/04/2019 07:40

Relationship shouldn’t be like this with such conflict after just a few months. We date to see if we are compatible with each other. You two are not. Time to make it permanently off. Theres plenty more fish in the sea Flowers

Original poster
Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 07:42

I can’t believe I have been so stupid to invest time on him.

Yesterday whilst he was on the phone my ex had txt saying he wanted to FaceTime the kids and he started saying oh when was the last time he see them (was the day before) and he then started saying so why does he want to face time them?!

I’m feeling a bit worried in case he does anything because he now has my address (which id kept from him until last weekend !)

OP posts:
yoshismother · 26/04/2019 07:42

Run!

Singlenotsingle · 26/04/2019 07:44

He's been on his best behaviour so far, but now the mask has slipped and he's shown you what he's really like. He was putting you down, arguing for no reason, getting angry, "enquiring" about you Shock, maybe inventing a reason to dump you. Get rid. Things can only go downhill.

Original poster
Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 07:45

One more thing after our convo yesterday where he told me I had drama and shouted at me when his car broke down he put his profile back online!

When I called him back I said oh how’s ur search going that was quick putting it back on, he said look and see how my search is going and he’d taken his profile back off but i was thinking that was extremely petty

OP posts:
Original poster
Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 07:47

The thing is, he wanted to progress things and I’d told him let’s take things slow and I didn’t really want people to know I’m in a ‘relationship’ (if u can call it that) so when he said he’d enquired about me, I was like huh? And I explained I didn’t want people to know and he started saying things like well that’s not my problem I’m not an idiot don’t think u can hide me etc

OP posts:
Motheroffeminists · 26/04/2019 07:48

Why are you still engaging with him?! Block and delete and run. He's an abusive arsehole and luckily has shown you early on his true self.

PurpleWithRed · 26/04/2019 07:52

He's a nutter, it's pretty obvious why he was single when you met him. He's obviously worked his way through all the sensible women who live closer than 3 ½ hours away. He's got great technique - charming and lovely to start with then vicious and controlling as soon as he's got you hooked.

Just finish it and block his number. He must be used to it happening.

IwishIwasaspaceman · 26/04/2019 07:54

Bloody hell. He sounds awful. If this is near the start of a relationship (when people often try to impress those they are interested in) God only knows what is in store for you later.

I can't think why you would want to stay in this relationship.

  1. He clearly has anger issues.
  2. Copying what you were saying.
  3. Sending you nasty voice notes.
  4. Shouting at you for calling him with no caller ID on (why did he answer it then?).
  5. Dictating that you can't bring up issues you don't feel have been resolved.
  6. Twisting things you've done and bringing up things that aren't relevant to the conversation.
  7. Not liking that you sent a text to your ex.
  8. Enquiring about you in your area. (Wtf?).
  9. Shouting at you.

Ha ha. He told you that you have lots of drama and are too emotional. Well, I don't know whether you do and are, but it sounds to me as if he's describing himself.

Get rid. He's the stuff of nightmares.

PlatypusLeague · 26/04/2019 07:55

This is not a person who will make you happy. Please do not see him again.

Offallycheap · 26/04/2019 07:55

Please, please PLEASE run. As fast as you can. I had to doublecheck that this wasn’t my ex. These were the red flags I ignored because I thought I loved him and because he was a great “package.”

He’s gaslighting you. And he’s showing you EXACTLY who he is. He’s mentally abusive.

Original poster
Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 07:59

Yes I think it’s him with the drama and is too emotional. Wow when it’s written down like that it makes me think wtf am I doing spending another minute on him

He seemed really sweet I was ill couple weeks ago and he was getting a taxi to drop some stuff of to me! (3 1/2 drive there and back!) he was really insistent but I said no but did think that was sweet of him but he’s just acting like a complete nutter now

OP posts:
Miniloso · 26/04/2019 08:09

Classic abusive behaviour from a narcissist/sociopath. Get out now. He’s love bombed you, now gaslighting you, next will be the discard. Leave him before you get even more hurt and mentally and emotionally scarred.

NoCauseRebel · 26/04/2019 08:40

The hills are that way.

The more I read about OLD, the more I wonder how so many people put themselves through it. Seriously.

FuriousVexation · 26/04/2019 08:52

Why would you be confused about this? He's clearly demonstrated he's an unpleasant fuckstick.

He probably prefers long distance because everyone in his home area knows he's a cunt.

RLEOM · 26/04/2019 08:55

Run!

Original poster
Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 08:58

I feel like such an idiot tbh!

Should I tell him I don’t want to speak to him any longer or just block him? I’m feeling a bit scared for some reason if I just block him

OP posts:
Motheroffeminists · 26/04/2019 09:02

I'd be tempted to just block. He lives far enough away for you to not worry too much that he'll just pop round but I understand your fears.

Just an "hi, after some thought, this isn't working out for me. All the best for the future." Then block and delete on everything.

It's tempting to call him out on his behaviour but it would only enrage him.

Original poster
Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 09:05

The thing is, the far drive wouldn’t bother him...he’s driven all the way before just for a coffee.. I don’t want to enrage him so I think I’ll slowly stop responding to him and then just block him

OP posts:
lifebegins50 · 26/04/2019 09:05

he was really insistent but I said no but did think that was sweet of him but he’s just acting like a complete nutter now

This was a red flag..you said Mo and he was really insistent. He pushed your boundaries so needed to call a half here.

Perhaps send him a "not sure this is working out so let's call it a day, wish you good luck"

Then block him. If he starts to escalate call the police straight away. Also tell a family member or good friend.

TowelNumber42 · 26/04/2019 09:07

One short text dumping him. Then block him.

Then tell friends and family about the crazy guy you dated for a little while, in somewhat jokey way, so they block him for you if he tries to contact you through them.

Make sure they know this was just a bit of dating, not a long term relationship, and the guy seemed nice then went nuttier than a snickers. They'll bat him away and make you feel better laughing about it later over wine.

Offallycheap · 26/04/2019 09:08

Don’t engage with him. Yes yes to absolute textbook narc/sociopath behaviour. That doesn’t mean he’s a violent serial killer but it absolutely means he will fuck with your brain.

And be prepared for either “I’ve been really unwell (insert other drama)” and a world of love bombing to get you back into line.

Bet cha.