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Original poster

So confused with his hot and cold behaviour

74 replies

Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 07:28

Met someone a few months ago & it’s been a bit on and off (long distance) but recently things have progressed and he spent a few days with me last week.

When he was with me he was soooo nice and we had a great time. Just really really relaxed and chilled out

When he went he txt me saying he really enjoyed my company and the day after was telling me he felt at peace with me he’d also proceeded to tell his dad and friends about ‘us’

However...since weds I have seen a totally different side to him! I’ve seen him act in ways I’ve never seen him act like before. I said something to him on weds and he kept copying what I was saying and then sending me really nasty voice notes. I called him and asked him what his problem is and he shouted at me for calling him on no caller Id (when he was with me he wanted to call someone his battery went flat so I said use my phone and changed my settings and must have forgot to put it back) he got really really angry and was like next time call me with ur number on. He also misunderstood what I’d said to him so he apologised and told me to not go on about it again

Because I was a bit shocked how he acted I did bring it up later saying oh I can’t believe you acted like that and he started twisting things and bringing up things I’d done to him which had no relevance to the convo

Then yesterday he started arguing with me as I mentioned I txt my ex about something. After a while he calmed down and he called me for ages and we had a nice convo but on the convo he mentioned that he had been ‘enquiring’ about me in my area! This caught me off guard a bit So I wanted to know who he’d asked and what he had said but he said he will call me back later he got busy

Anyway ... he was then texting me so I messaged him saying can u call me back urgently

When he called back he was like what’s up? I asked him who he asked and what they said and he went bezerk saying my cars broken down and is this is all u can go on about I already told u who told me why you going on about it etc etc he then said talk to me when your behaviour improves (he was the one shouting) and he was being quite nasty

Anyway I called him later saying I didn’t know ur car broke down as u had been messaging me so how was I to know? And he started saying I have lots of drama and I’m too emotional . When he calmed down he was nice again

I’m really confused Tbh. He lives far (3 1/2 hours ) and makes the effort to see me and was the nicest guy when we were together but I don’t know where this side of him has randomly come out from

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 26/04/2019 09:09

I would see this as a lucky escape and end it. Tell him it’s not working and you won’t be contacting him again then block him. As much as a dick as he is it’s not fair just to ghost people and it will make it worse as he’ll be contacting you thinking everything is normal.

TowelNumber42 · 26/04/2019 09:13

I don’t want to enrage him so

No! This is how you stay in the cycle of abuse. He is nuts. Trying to find ways to stop him acting nuts at you will FAIL. Because he is nuts.

Get out swiftly and firmly.

No ambiguity. No letting him get more invested in you. If you don't dump firmly now, he will be getting excited that you are a keeper because you are OK with being abused by him. This will make him worse.

You cannot appease your way out of this.

End it clearly as fast as possible. Then block.

Highest probability is that he will rage and try to get in contact, when that fails he will bugger off. Other escalations are quite rare. If it ever gets to police stage though you'll need to show you clearly told him it was over and that you want no further contact.

aprilshowers12 · 26/04/2019 09:16

His personality is disordered. You've probably only seen a fraction of the behaviour you'd be exposed to should you continue any form of contact.
My advise, finish this relationship immediately and block him on everything. Do not answer your door unless you're expecting someone and do not engage in any further contact whatsoever

Original poster
Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 09:16

He has told me before he’s been through a lot with psycho exes and doesn’t want drama and had tried to make me feel sorry for him. I know people referring to exes as psycho is a red flag but he was always really convincing..

When I’d met him on the weekend, I had made it clear from before that I wouldn’t be doing anything physical with him (he seems like the type to not stop at a kiss and has told me he doesn’t like protection) anyway so after a really nice day in the evening he came on top of me and starting kissing me but in quite an aggressive way. I did tell him to stop and that I didn’t want to and that he was hurting me (he was on me and pressing on me really hard) but he kept saying ohhh don’t play hard to get u know u want to etc and then he kept on saying that I started it!

He did get off but I was a bit err at him saying I started it but I didn’t think it was a really big deal because it was only a kiss and he did get off eventually but should I have told him to piss off at this stage

OP posts:
TowelNumber42 · 26/04/2019 09:21

Tell him to piss off now.

Orlandointhewilderness · 26/04/2019 09:23

Dump and block. Lucky escape I say!

cees · 26/04/2019 09:25

Be glad you are aware of his fuckery before your go any further. You say you have kids, think of them and block this asshole.

Motheroffeminists · 26/04/2019 09:25

Ah the ol' psycho exes routine. Dump and run. Do not do it slowly. Get rid. Today. Don't let him control you.

Boysey45 · 26/04/2019 09:36

Like people say, just text him and say that your not wishing to see him again and then block him off everything. If he just turns up then don't answer the door. I think he will be used to women dumping him personally so it wont come as a shock. No one would put up with all that.

bluebell34567 · 26/04/2019 09:38

are you sure he lives that far away?
he is lying all the time and he doesnt sound normal.
tell him its over and block him.

Wildrose19 · 26/04/2019 09:43

I think he will be awkward however you finish it but don’t just fade away gradually as you are just prolonging the agony. Better to call it a day clearly by text.

Expect him to chase you though, turn up, beg, plead, then turn nasty and threaten so be firm and have a plan if he does turn up eg don’t let him in.

Sorry recently been through similar with a man who lived some distance away but still managed to suddenly turn up and did all of the above.

Lunde · 26/04/2019 12:13

You need to dump and block. Men like this never take a hint and longer you continue to engage with him the harder it will be to get rid of him.

Original poster
Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 13:18

Thanks I will block him.

Yes I am sure he lives that far away. I don’t think he will beg me but I feel he will turn nasty so I will take necessary precautions

OP posts:
Original poster
Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 13:21

Surprisingly he has not contacted me today at all despite usually texting me all morning. His Facebook is full of memes saying things like letting go of toxic people will make you happier LOL

Weirdo!

OP posts:
QueenBeex · 26/04/2019 13:24

I'd block him on Facebook too, I bet he's only posting those types of memes because he's hoping you'll see them, get annoyed at them then msg him!
People do odd things to try get someone's attention!
Definitely a lucky escape!

thelastgoldeneagle · 26/04/2019 13:26

Urgh. 'psycho exes'? No, he's the psycho. Dump, block and run. What a loon.

Honeyroar · 26/04/2019 13:27

Take his meme onboard! It's right. Letting him go will ultimately make you happier.

I'd just dump him and ignore. I'd want to see what he was ranting if he does.

Original poster
Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 13:30

Yes his memes are right! I’m not going to message him as i will see if he messages me first & then I’ll dump him.

Weirdo was on the phone to me yesterday evening being really really nice (telling me he wanted to marry me and that he will move to my city to be wth me etc) and then totally switched on me an hour later and on top of that said I was the one telling him to move to me when I had never ever said that!

OP posts:
Offallycheap · 26/04/2019 13:56

has told me he doesn’t like protection) anyway so after a really nice day in the evening he came on top of me and starting kissing me but in quite an aggressive way. I did tell him to stop and that I didn’t want to and that he was hurting me (he was on me and pressing on me really hard) but he kept saying ohhh don’t play hard to get u know u want to etc and then he kept on saying that I started it!

What in the name of God!!!!!

Even if everything else was absolutely brilliant, just on the basis of that alone he needs binning immediately.

Offallycheap · 26/04/2019 13:57

He’s crackers. Properly disordered and needs therapy or something. Run run run.

Have you blocked him?

TeaForTheWin · 26/04/2019 14:26

He's utterly cream crackers. Personality disorder for sure.

I'm a bit worried about how much you put up and how you were 'confused'. This is exactly what his sort want. He already thinks you are ensnared as you have put up with far too much. Still, at least you are seeing sense now. Damage control time.

'I've been asking around about you' ho-leee-shit. Total psychopath.

A 'this clearly isn't working out for either of us, I wish you all the best' and a block on everything is the route to go down. Gotta be firm with these sorts. It also helps to imply it isn't working out for them either so that it makes it seem like it is a mutual decision rather than you breaking it off with them. If he tries to contact you in any way again after this point -ignore ignore ignore. He will likely try to make you feel guilty or like you owe him some sort of explanation in order to get you to talk with him again. DONT rise to it. Block and no contact.

Original poster
Zizzi898 · 26/04/2019 15:39

He has messaged saying ‘I believe in give and take in a relationship so how you doing moody pants’ but I’ve not responded. I’m at work anyway and the message he sent implies he thought I would contact him first today but usually he is the first to always text good morning or call me in morning etc

After work I will message him and yesterday he said to me ‘I can’t be dealing with drama you are too emotional’ etc etc so I’ll say something along the lines of ‘i thought about what you said last night, you’re right, I am too emotional and I don’t think I’m ready for anything so I think it’s best we call it a day’ or something along those lines.

OP posts:
TeaForTheWin · 26/04/2019 15:52

Hmm I wouldn't say the 'you're right' part. I'd just say 'ive given it thought and we clearly aren't right for one another, wishing you all the best' and then delete and block.

Dealt with these sorts a lot and you don't want to make it seem like it's their fault but you also don't want to seem like you are agreeing with their view of you. More 'you're entitled to your opinion, I don't feel that way but we clearly aren't right for one another', but you wont need to go into that anyway with a 'sorry, this just isn't working' approach anyway.

TeaForTheWin · 26/04/2019 15:57

Ps: I would just send the message and get it done. Don't even aknowledge his prior message in the text either. Sooner it's done the better.

Also, you mentioned he stayed far away? On the off chance he shows up at your house afterwords, don't go out of the house. Can just see his sort being like 'well ok but I have no where to go tonight after making the journey so you should at least let me stay here' crap. Don't be slow shout 'F*ck off, im calling the police' if he wont leave, or slow to call them. Not that it'll come to that but just incase.

BigButtons · 26/04/2019 16:03

Just message him to say it isn't working for you. No explanations, no apologies. Then block him.