Husband searching for escorts

[Desmond1993]

I just want to start this with saying I have no issues with my partner watching porn. Does upset me abit when he specifically types in for categories that don’t relate to me ‘slim’ ‘skinny’ ‘ebony’ as it makes me feel like he wants something else. He’s been watching a lot of porn recently. But porn I can deal with.
I had a look at our iPad (which we share) history and there was a website called adult work on there. It’s a website for escorts and you can look in your area for escorts who are close.
We live in a small area and he searches for escorts in our actual area. Not ones miles away which would be hard for him to meet with.
He has a snoop at their pictures and on he goes to the next profile. There’s numerous escorts he’s been looking at in our area.
We have a daughter and son both under 3 years old and have been together for 4 years, I moved miles away from any friends or family 4 years ago to be with him.
He says he loves me, doesn’t really show it with attention though but I just put that down to a long day at work.
The only time he does give me attention is when he wants sex. Which to be fair we do have a few times a week.

My question is would you be angry/upset at this?
Would you confront him?
What do I do?

Personally I’m devastated and want to confront him when he gets back from work but I just don’t know if that’s the right thing to do.
Any help will be appreciated.

Would just like to add me and the kids are going up north to see family next month for 5 days and he couldn’t get the time off work to come. I’m now super worried he will meet up with an escort while we are away.

If you have to worry what he's up to when you're not there it's time to walk away, sorry OP

I would end my marriage over this...

I wouldn't hesitate to end my marriage over this op.

At this point in time I want to. We argue a lot, nothing feels the same any more. I’m just super worried. He helps ALOT with the kids and even around the house! I literally have no one to turn to.
I don’t know how I would afford to live, survive dealing with the kids alone.
I honestly feel like I’m trapped because he does help me a lot and honestly don’t know how I’d cope alone

Why would he look for escorts locally if he wasn't interested in their services?

That constitutes unreasonable behaviour for me.

Name change fail OP.

That’s what I was thinking. If he fancied looking at random escorts, why ones in our area?
I know he will turn around and say something stupid like ‘I was wondering if there was anyone I know on there’

Keep quiet, go off sex or insist on condoms, get your/ his financial details together and go to your parents early. Find out what you need to know. There will be ways to manage without him.

Why not tell him you’ve got an infection, and will be going to sexual health to get it checked out? His response might be informative, and it can be your reason to put off having sex for a while.

I’m 99% sure he hasn’t had sex with one YET. He rushes home from work everyday to come home and help me with the Kids.
Doesn’t go out with friends
Doesn’t go out without me or the kids.
He simply hasn’t had the time to yet I think.

Yes, I would be angry and upset about this. Do not underreact. He is actively searching for women who are available to him for sex.

If my husband did this, I would show him the door.

Don't tackle it right now.
Think about what your next steps would be.
You could go away with far more than 5 days worth of clothes.
Then come back and do some serious snooping.
But Adult Work!??? I'd not be coming back to be honest.

How much of your time, your headspace and your emotional energy are you already spending on worrying about/trying to monitor his betrayal of you though OP? And how much more will you have to spend now you've found the escort searches? Is it possible you would find life and dealing with DC etc easier if you didn't have that constant worry of what he's up to? Have a really good think about that and be honest with yourself about how much of your mental energy it's going to take if you continue in this relationship.

Finances/housing are another issue. Do you own or rent and in whose name? Do you work or SAHM? Do you have family/friends, even if they're miles away? Sorry for all the questions but it will help you feel stronger if we can find some practical solutions to some of your worries.

He's looking at escorts because he's planning to hire one

Are you leaving him op?

We currently rent our place and I think it’s in both of our names. I’m a stay at home mum on benefits unfortunately and my parents live quite a while away but don’t see it possible for me to move back with them space wise.
We split about 3 years ago while I was pregnant over petty little arguments and he happily moved back to his parents and gave me any money I needed for the kids. Issue is his parents are now retired and moving across the country!
I honestly feel stuck.
I struggle with mental health issues and the thought of raising the two kids and dealing with the house alone is giving me a panic attack.

And you know what. He’s been pestering me for the exact dates me and the kids are going away for days now!

I feel for you OP. However wouldn't you feel more anxious knowing he'd slept with someone else behind your back?
You might be surprised how strong you really are! And you deserve much better if he is actually looking to book one.

Yeah that's because he's planning on seeing an escort. Go away and stay away if you can op

Ducks in a row

Full sti screening

Bin the creep off!

You'll manage at your parents temporarily until you can organise somewhere else. You can do this.

You'll be miserable staying with him, he views women as "useful" for meeting his needs not as real people.

That's understandable OP The replies here are bound to centre on ways to make it possible for you to leave him because his behaviour is completely unacceptable but you don't have to do anything you don't want to and certainly not until you're good and ready. Is there anything we can do to help you keep calm and support you for the time being?

"I struggle with mental health issues and the thought of raising the two kids and dealing with the house alone is giving me a panic attack"

Honestly, that would be nothing compared to living a lie with this arsehole. Of one thing you can be absolutely certain: you confront him and he will deny, deny, deny. He will tell you just as little as he thinks he can get away with. Even if you had categorical, irrefutable proof he would lie and minimise.

Is this the kind of person you want to be in a long-term committed relationship with? Really?

What do I do when he gets back from work this evening?
Say something or act like nothings happened?

Say nothing.
Be evasive.
Keep planning, and keep your plans to yourself.

He’s sooo good at sensing when something is up though. I know it will end up in an argument tonight because I’m ‘being off’ with him.
I can’t stand the thought of sleeping in the same bed as him tonight. I just want to run away right now.

Don’t underestimate that he could get dressed to go to work & have pulled a sickie or taken a day of leave in secret. Rushing home every night doesn’t mean he is where he says he is 24/7. Sneaks gonna sneak.

Am sorry this happened to you, but good on you for finding this out! You can now take time to decide what you want to do with this information.

I have zero issues with porn & worked in a sex shop so am a fairly liberal monogamist, but that is crossing a line. It looks very suspicious & a bit too ‘real’.

It's gonna be bloody hard but keep your cards close to your chest for now.
Decide how you want to proceed before tackling him.