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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Two weeks ago my husband left me and our 6 and a half month old son

76 replies

MyloJesse · 23/04/2019 23:02

Hi all,

Just after some advice really. My husband dropped a bombshell three weeks ago. He told me that he was unsure if he loved me and had been feeling like that for the last 9-12 months. Ten days ago, he moved back with his mum and dad, is demanding joint custody and is telling me I should buy him out and expects 50% of the equity. I've my dead body! There is no one else and came completely out of the blue - a week prior to the initial conversation we agreed that we were going to start trying for another baby in January!!!

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I'm utterly heartbroken and still in shock. X

OP posts:
QueenAnneBoleyn · 23/04/2019 23:11

Not been in a similar situation but couldn’t read and run.
Get yourself some good legal advice. To hell with his demands / expectations.
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. Flowers

Original poster
MyloJesse · 23/04/2019 23:13

Thank you. My uncle is a solicitor so he's been helping and has laughed at his demands! X

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 23/04/2019 23:14

There will be someone else. That's why hes going after 50/50, because he doesn't expect to do the hard yards. I'm so sorry. Flowers

Get angry AND get everything.
Do not agree to 50/50 of a 6 month old.
Do not leave the family home.
Claim CMS.
Change the locks.
Solicitor. Divorce.

CloudRusting · 23/04/2019 23:17

I would strongly suspect he has someone else lined up. But will deny it until he is blue in the face and will insist they met after you split.

QueenAnneBoleyn · 23/04/2019 23:17

Well that’s a positive!
Out of interest what have his parents said? Have they expressed sadness / surprise at his actions?
As for the custody aspect......In my opinion such a young baby couldn’t be away from you overnight surely?

JaneEyre07 · 23/04/2019 23:17

Is there really not any chance of another woman? Few men up and leave without the lure of something under their nose...........

He sounds like very selfish, and you're well rid even though it must feel like utter shit at the moment Flowers

RosemaryHoight · 23/04/2019 23:18

Not been in that situation either but don't let him walk all over you.

Rtmhwales · 23/04/2019 23:22

There's not always another woman. There wasn't in my case.

Stay in the home, put in a claim for CMS tomorrow. That's the best start.

BritInUS1 · 23/04/2019 23:23

My friend went through exactly this 3 years ago. She was adamant there was nobody else. I'm afraid there was and I think sadly you will find the same is true. Stay strong, you can do this x

SchrodingersBrexit · 23/04/2019 23:23

Yes, been in a situation incredibly similar. Transpired there was someone else.

Don't concede on anything until you have legal advice. Be very careful what you put in writing (texts, emails etc)

Original poster
MyloJesse · 23/04/2019 23:43

Hi all,

Yes defo not another woman, I think the responsibility of being a husband and father was too much for me and he just bolted.

He wants half of the equity in the house as he needs a big enough deposit for the bank to even consider offering him a mortgage - he's in a crap salary whereas mine is double his. X

OP posts:
Mammajay · 23/04/2019 23:50

Hi Mylo,
I think you might be right. He might be scared of thy responsibilty or feel less important in the relationship. That is no excuse for his horrible treatment of you and your baby.Have you got close family or friends nearby? You need someone to support you now. What a horrible thing to have to deal with.

Justwanttotravel · 23/04/2019 23:50

No OW when it happened to me either!

Singlenotsingle · 23/04/2019 23:51

He'll just have to rent then, if he can't afford to buy! What a shame!

gluteustothemaximus · 23/04/2019 23:56

Bollucks to him. Fucking cunt. Too much for him being a parent? Let's all walk away from our children shall we, when the going gets tough?

So he's been feeling like this for 12 months? So when you were 3 months pregnant.

Don't give into his demands. Fuck 50/50 custody. Man who walks out on his child doesn't get to decide that. Cunt.

Sorry OP. Be strong. Channel anything you have into getting best outcome for you and your baby.

Hidingtonothing · 24/04/2019 00:08

he needs a big enough deposit doesn't really matter what he 'needs', the courts/solicitors will be looking at what's fair and, most importantly, what your DC will need so what he wants is pretty much irrelevant. Don't let his demands frighten you and agree to nothing without proper legal representation.

I know you're still reeling from the shock but you deserve much better than someone who can't handle life and parenting. You may have just escaped a lifetime of carrying his weight as well as all the life/parenting responsibility Flowers

Whichwayfoward · 24/04/2019 01:01

No other woman here either. Just helping with the stats.

Get legal advice pronto. Wishing you the very best.

goose1964 · 24/04/2019 01:55

Still with DH but my friend who left his wife had no sign of another woman, maybe his motorbike though

HerRoyalNotness · 24/04/2019 02:02

Responsibility of being a father was too much for him and he wants 50/50? What a Fuckwit!

I believe when they’re small, little and often is the recommended contact.

I’m really, really glad that you out earn him.

WTFisThat · 24/04/2019 02:06

What an absolute cunt he is Angry
He probably wants 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay child maintenance, then will get his mum to look after him. Stand firm op!

Thatnovembernight · 24/04/2019 06:08

I’m struggling to understand why a father who can’t take the responsibility of parenthood would want 50/50. That would be a lot more work for him than he has had up until now. Is it just about the money? So he can get some money and not have to pay maintenance? What a horrible man.

ponyprincess · 24/04/2019 06:16

Get legal advice-if he takes you to court they will consider his needs for housing too-he could try to force a house sale if you can't buy him out. For custody 50/50 at 6 months might not happen but might be the future. Go speak to a lawyer to protect yourself and be informed

MoleMummy · 24/04/2019 06:16

Sorry to hear 😔 do you feel the same? Were you unhappy too or would you want to make things work?

Just thinking that if there is no one else and it's the new parenthood that's affecting his mindset- is it worth trying relationship counselling to see if talking about things could help you both work through this?

Becoming a parent for the first time tests the best of relationships and maybe this could be resolved?

xx

Fairylea · 24/04/2019 06:22

Can you afford the mortgage on the house on your own (with his maintenance too)? Have you checked what you’re entitled to as a single parent - depending on your own salary of course- the website “entitled to” has a good benefit checker which might be helpful.

I ended up having to sell my house but I think it depends on your circumstances.

blackcat86 · 24/04/2019 06:41

What are his parents like? Is any of this coming from him? DHs parents think the sun shines out of his arse and I can imagine them pushing him on getting 'what's his' and 'his rights' rather than being appalled at him abandoning his wife and child. Dont give an inch. You are not responsible for what this idiot does next and hopefully your uncle is willing to support you through the process. I agree that he probably wants 50/50 to avoid CMS and will just turf the baby off to his mum. No way!