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Original poster

BF is a nice guy but..... (weight related)

73 replies

Glitter00001 · 21/04/2019 21:40

I could really use some advice on my relationship. I'm prepared to be shot down here. Maybe I need that.
My BF of just over 2 years is a really nice guy. We get on well, we have fun times together but over the last few months his weight is really bothering me. He has always been a big guy but he's just getting bigger. He's put on around 4 - 5 stone since we've been together, he's now around 25 stone. I hate myself for saying this but I just don't find him attractive anymore. I struggle to do anything in the bedroom and don't really want to. But he's still the same person I met, just bigger. I've tried suggesting things to be healthier but it just falls on deaf ears. His best friend owns a pub, he socialises there a lot and drinks ten pints a night easily so obviously this doesn't help.
I want to end the relationship but I don't know if I'm being stupid and superficial. And I really don't want to upset him. I could just use a bit of advice. Thank you

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 21/04/2019 21:42

10 pints a night? Jeez. Never mind the weight issues he has some serious alcohol issues right there.
He won’t change unless he wants to. If you don’t like who he is now then do end the relationship.

CoffeeConnoisseur · 21/04/2019 21:46

25 stone and drinking 10 pints a night?

Ditch the fat alcoholic and don’t feel bad about it.

Original poster
Glitter00001 · 21/04/2019 21:48

Thank you wolfie, he does drink a lot and I don't but he seems to be affected less because of his size. I suppose I don't see that as who he is. He's a nice man but eats and drinks so much, I'm a bit embarrassed sometimes when we are out which I feel awful for.

OP posts:
Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 21/04/2019 21:49

I'm fat. I was expecting you to bu but nope, too heavy, likely to have major health issues, not to mention the colossal cost of his drinking...

Not much of a future really, particularly if he's not bothered.

Original poster
Glitter00001 · 21/04/2019 21:49

Coffee how do i do that without saying that? It would hurt him terribly

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 21/04/2019 21:50

He’s not affected less because of his size. He’s affected less because he habitually binge drinks and has developed a tolerance. Run!!!

PerfectPeony2 · 21/04/2019 21:52

I think the drinking issue is even worse than the weight! He’s an alcoholic.

Can you just be blunt and say you’ve noticed he’s gained weight, you’re worried about him etc?

Original poster
Glitter00001 · 21/04/2019 21:53

Sorry I don't know how to make people's name bold.
What - there are other things that are affected by his weight. He is always tired. I can't sleep with him all night because the snoring is intolerable. When I stay at his I end up on the sofa.

OP posts:
Hearhere · 21/04/2019 21:53

I feel sorry for the guy but I would struggle to have a relationship with someone who didn't take care of their health at all, it doesn't sound as if he's willing to change and so I don't think his long-term prospects are very good health wise

CoffeeConnoisseur · 21/04/2019 21:55

You tell him “this relationship isn’t working for me any more so I’m ending it”... if he pushes you for a reason “I’m sorry, you’re going to find this hurtful but I don’t find you physically attractive any more, your appearance has changed significantly since we first met and I think you have an issue with alcohol dependence. I don’t want to continue in this relationship”.

Hearhere · 21/04/2019 21:55

The fact that he can tolerate a large amount of alcohol, in other words drink a lot without seemingly becoming intoxicated, does not in any way protect him from the harmful effects of that alcohol

trinity0097 · 21/04/2019 21:55

I would firstly, for his sake, get him to the doctor as it sounds like he has sleep apnea!

Then you need to seriously consider your relationship and if you see a future in it.

Original poster
Glitter00001 · 21/04/2019 21:56

Perfect - he gets very irritable when his weight is mentioned by anyone (some of his family have been very blunt in the past). I don't think he realises or is denying to himself how big he is.

OP posts:
Yayayo · 21/04/2019 21:57

OP - I have never been attracted to someone that is overweight (just can’t), particularly if that’s due to unhealthy lifestyle. If he’s not willing to change, run! It’s not going to get any better.

Hearhere · 21/04/2019 21:57

You're not being stupid and superficial, he is reckless with his own health and well-being, it's difficult to have a relationship with someone who does not share your core values

Hearhere · 21/04/2019 21:59

2 years is early days in a relationship kind of still in the honeymoon phase, it's not going to get any better is it
This man is deeply stuck and entrenched in his own bad habits
don't get stuck with him

Cambionome · 21/04/2019 22:01

You are perfectly within your rights to end a relationship for any reason you like.
Could you just say that it isn't working for you any more without going into details about his weight?

Torytop · 21/04/2019 22:02

You’re in a relationship with a walking health timebomb, OP. I’d cut my losses. It alarms me that the ten pints a night isn’t top of your list of concerns — have you become so used to his alcohol problem you’re minimising it?

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/04/2019 22:03

He’s a serious binge drinker if not an alcoholic. And he can’t possibly be the same person unless he was permanently pissed when you got together.

Yes people change physically but 5 stone in 2 years is mega and he wasn’t small to start with.

You can end a relationship for any reason you like OP. Do it now before you’re stuck and frustrated and resentful. He must have reasons for the weight gain and drinking but they’re not your problem.

Original poster
Glitter00001 · 21/04/2019 22:03

Hear
That's where I think my feelings have changed. The not taking care of himself at all. It's frustrating.

OP posts:
Hearhere · 21/04/2019 22:05

I think it if it were me I would let him down gently and just say it's not working for me anymore because if you say that the reason is to do with his over eating and over drinking then that gives him an opportunity to say 'I promise I'll change'
but he won't and you'll be back to square one

BollocksToBrexit · 21/04/2019 22:06

He needs to get tested for sleep apnea. He may have no control over his calorie intake because he is driven to find energy from somewhere. I went up to 23 stone before I was diagnosed. The weight has been falling off me since I started using a CPAP machine. My obsession with eating and drinking high calorie/fat food disappeared literally overnight.

ahtellthee · 21/04/2019 22:06

I couldn't invest in someone who didn't invest in themselves. DH and I are both cuddly and like a drink but we are aware, exercise and talk about it.

Tell him honestly how you feel. Good luck.

Whichwayfoward · 21/04/2019 22:06

You are ashamed of him, can't sleep with him or in the same bed for his snoring, he doesn't want to stop drinking and doesn't care for his health.

I'm sorry, but he really isn't thinking about how all the above affects you and that's not fair.

Chocmallows · 21/04/2019 22:07

It is ok to want to be healthy and to be fully honest that it is important to you. He can equally choose to be unhealthy, but he should be honest that he is making that choice. It sounds like he wants to pretend it isn't a problem and hope you will join in.

This would be ultimatem time for me, I would ask him to take a week to consider if he is able to change. At the end if he still cannot face facts, e.g. speak to GP and talk honestly I would end things.