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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DP has a new sim card package in his pocket and doesnt know why

54 replies

bamboo788 · 18/04/2019 06:52

He emptied his pockets on the kitchen table the other day. I picked up a set of cards, 1 pay as you go top up card for tesco mobiles and 1 card that has the pop off tesco sim with the sim already out of the card.

Neither of us has a tesco mobile. some of the printed writing on the cards has been scratched, so it looks to me like it's a few weeks old and been in his pocket for a while.

I asked him whats this? do you have a second phone? he said no and said he did not know how it ended up there. I asked him again he shrugged and said i dont know!

I stupidly rang the number there and then but it went to voice mail. he looked unsurprised and smiled. I thought he seemed smug and unsurprised. I checked the number of mobile validation on a website and it says its a valid active number.

So as not to drip feed,

He has a mobile phone which he had for years and he has never stopped me accessing or using it or borrowing it.

The relationship isn't going well and he has 2 days a week where i am not around but he usually looks scruffy, doing DIY or lazing about in work clothes. His job is manual and he has been coming home 2 hours later smelling of booze since 2 or 3 months ago. He says he is drinking at the workshop with his work mates after work. when i call him he doesnt answer or if he does he keeps the conversation very brief almost grunting instead of actually talking properly like i am at X and i will be back at X he's like umm hmmm. he comes home smelly and filthy from his job so, i can't imagine he is having sex afterwards?!

He doesn't look clean or groomed as if meeting someone but I'm wondering if i'm being stupid or what

What do I do? am I paranoid?

OP posts:

Nquartz · 18/04/2019 06:55

He has to be cheating, what other logical explanation is there?! Stuff doesn't end up in your pockets without knowing where it came from!

A man doesn't have to be groomed to attract women, you're in a relationship with him aren't you

bigchris · 18/04/2019 06:56

Could he be using it for gambling or something?

Order654 · 18/04/2019 06:58

He’s lying.

He knew the phone was off when you called it which is why he’s smirking.

Of course he knows where the SIM card is and how it got there. It’s his pockets!

Go hunting for a second phone, check his car, the house, pockets, tops of wardrobes etc

Any chance you can turn up half way through the days on his days off ? Just to see if he is casually laying around at home?

CorlysVelaryon · 18/04/2019 06:59

I can't think of any explanation other than a second phone. The fact that he denied it suggests cheating.

What is your situation? It would be enough for me to end a relationship but accept that you may want more 'proof' if you have dc together.

Wouldilie2u · 18/04/2019 07:03

Didn't want to read and run but can't really offer any useful advice apart from take a "wait and see" attitude: it won't take long to see his true colours

Original poster

bamboo788 · 18/04/2019 07:04

I have a child with him and a jointly owned home.

OP posts:

Original poster

bamboo788 · 18/04/2019 07:06

I feel sick. I just had the feeling something wasn't right and it seems to you all so far it might be true. I'm not completely crazy to think it.

OP posts:

Kel801 · 18/04/2019 07:07

My little brother used to delight in sneaking things like gift cards and SIM cards from supermarkets into peoples pockets without them knowing... not that that would explain the activation of the SIM cards x

NotReadyForThisX2 · 18/04/2019 07:09

Does he need another phone though or can that sim just be put into his phone? I'm not sure but I think I remember my Dp putting his sim in mine when his phone was broken once.

Have you got the sim Op?

MaidenMotherCrone · 18/04/2019 07:10

I'd check under the seat in whatever vehicle he drives. Found first one there.

YouJustDoYou · 18/04/2019 07:11

Sometimes they're drug phones.

LordWheresMyShoes · 18/04/2019 07:12

I'd definitely be looking for the phone. Not necessarily cheating but I strongly suspect he's hiding something

CorlysVelaryon · 18/04/2019 07:19

My friend recently confirmed her suspicions about her dh's secret phone because he was daft enough to have enabled Bluetooth, so it was detected from her own phone.

Another friend did a similar thing when she asked her dh's car media system to search for discoverable devices : his secret phone came up on the list.

It'll be in the house somewhere, check the first room he goes to when he comes in from work. It'd be safer to leave it at work but they won't be able to go a whole evening without communicating.

Shoxfordian · 18/04/2019 07:29

He sounds so shady
Search the house and his car for it if you can

Thatnovembernight · 18/04/2019 07:36

I don’t know if he’s cheating but he’s definitely lying about that phone SIM card. Plus he’s changed his behaviour in recent months. Something is up. Hope you find out soon - limbo is horrible xx

Stuffedwithnonsense · 18/04/2019 07:36

Could the SIM be in someone else's phone, hence unsurprised when you called because he knew it wouldn't ring, i.e. could it be someone else's second phone that is only picked up when he calls?

NASA20 · 18/04/2019 07:39

Just keep trying to ring it especially when he's out of the house, call of withheld number so he doesn't know its you. He could be switching sims between his own phone or have a second phone.

Original poster

bamboo788 · 18/04/2019 07:54

Thanks everyone for your messages I read them all.

He goes to the kitchen normally. We've a mini drawers set on the counter for bills and letters there which I have just opened up looking for a document in it and there it was, an old mobile phone completely dead out of battery.

I opened the phone cover and lifted the battery, Tesco sim card.

I charged it up and turned it o and called my number. It is the number of the sim card I saw.

I looked into his pockets. He still has the sim and pay as you go cards in his jackets pockets. I dont get why he would empty his pockets and then puts back sim cards he doesn't know the purpose of back in his pockets. It doesn't make sense. Why did he not bin it then or put it aside somewhere, why back on him.

I looked at the call logs, messages, gallery and downloads, all dating to oct 2018 and after. The phone is an old mobile of mine going back 4 years or maybe 8 i don't remember. Some photos of our child.

Only one number I don't recognise in the call log but the rest just top up call to tesco and several missed calls from my DH's usual number to this tesco number.

Before I asked him about the sim, I had rearranged and tidied up the drawers and I am sure the phone wasn't there. I had collected all old phones for recycling but never got around to it and put them in a shoe box in storage in a high cupboard so it wouldn't just wonder off on the counter and accidentally gets shoved in the drawer. The old phone wasn't just laying around or in the drawers before I asked him about the sim card.

He must've put it there for me to find.

OP posts:

BeepBeepBop1 · 18/04/2019 07:55

Depending on the network he can just pop the other SIM card into his phone and won't need to have a secret phone ... I used to use a PAUG tescos SIM card when I was abroad in my normal EE phone as it was cheaper than my contract ... it does sound very odd ... my gut instinct would be to look for the other phone if there is one or find the activated SIM card and try it in your phone or a friends ... You'll be able to see saved numbers to the sim or any saved messages to the sim ... but if the worst case scenario is it's being used for cheating he may be using the data to access things like WhatsApp ... try and get the phone number if you find the phone/sim (call your one number then delete it from the call list) and look on WhatsApp for it or Facebook x

Original poster

bamboo788 · 18/04/2019 07:58

thanks, its not coming up on whatsapp.

OP posts:

Fannybaws52 · 18/04/2019 08:00

He's playing games with you. Is this relationship worth saving? He knows you are stressing over this and is enjoying your torment.

Doesn't really sound like love or respect, does it?

S021 · 18/04/2019 08:01

This is strange.
Why would he be calling the number himself?
Why would he need to be topping up if it’s not being used?

I’m wondering if he removed the sim from another phone and put it in that old one for you to find.

Shitonthebloodything · 18/04/2019 08:01

I wouldn't talk to him any more about it until you find something else. Sounds like you need to be one step ahead, he's clearly a confident liar. Look up the number that's stored but he's probably just been swapping the Sims in his current phone anyway.

C0untDucku1a · 18/04/2019 08:02

Cheating or not, he is being very dishonest and it is like he is gaslighging you about the phone if you think he has put it there for you to find. Make a plan to get rid of him.

S021 · 18/04/2019 08:03

I agree.
Either leave or act normal and be vigilant.
He will mess-up soon enough

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