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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Think my husband is having an affair

80 replies

KateMumtoBoys · 17/04/2019 12:52

I think my husband is having an affair. Not sure were he is finding the time. He goes to work during the day then home. Doesn't socialise. Last week I found viagra in his wallet, wallet hidden inside work coat, and hung inside the wardrobe. Two tablets missing. He hasn't discussed buying these with me. I then convinced myself that he is having problems down below and doesnt want to talk to me about it? Then this week, I have found condoms in his gym bag. One in an old phone protector (so he had been keeping one in his phone proctector), then another 3 in the pocket of his gym bag. So I called into boots and these come in a packet of 10, so 6 used. We havent used condoms in over 7 years. Then I read in a google feed that some men use condoms to masturbate with. I really dont know what to do. I l always trusted him to the moon and back. I am in complete shock.

OP posts:

Original poster

KateMumtoBoys · 17/04/2019 16:47

Thanks everyone for your thoughts! Think I just need to settle myself down from the shock, and just monitor everything. Going to leave my ipad in the car and can track that. Just strange the condoms being so out of date but yet in a recent bag he uses. Just going to sit back and watch over the next while

OP posts:

Wantmyflipflops · 17/04/2019 16:49

Don't confront him until you know more. The minute you say something to him he will start to deleter/remove all possible evidence and he will deny deny deny.

I would say check his car for another phone. Check his gym clothes...if he is working out they should smell.

If you don't find anything else then maybe it's not as it seems and he has an explanation.

Online phone records are always a good thing to try and get hold of.

mamato3lads · 17/04/2019 16:50

Just ask him. You won't be able to "sit back", this will eat you up.

Foxmuffin · 17/04/2019 16:50

Does he have an iphone? If so log into his iCloud and use the find my iPhone app there.

Really strange that the condoms are so out of date

I hope there’s a reasonable explanation.

TheGrapefulDread · 17/04/2019 17:14

If you leave your i pad in the car, don’t forget put it on silent & turn off vibrate,

ComeOnGordon · 17/04/2019 17:28

I never suspected my husband till I was on the computer and saw that his emails were open and don’t know what made me look but he’d ordered condoms. We didn’t need them either. He also came home nearly every night at a normal time but it turned out he’d been waiting till I went to bed at 10.30, I thought he was watching tv as he was a night owl & he was sneaking out to meet her.
It took a while for the whole story to come out (I found messages on our computer that he’d saved).
It has destroyed all trust I have in people - I had not a hint of suspicion. He was being an arse but there were so many other reasons (family ill health, a stressful job, kids etc). An affair was the last thing I imagined.

I’m sorry you’re having to go through this - it’s shit. But you’ll be ok. Be prepared tho for him to lie and lie and lie some more if he thinks he’s been caught

Bengal12 · 17/04/2019 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aweedropofsancerre · 17/04/2019 18:00

Bengal12 i would suggest you start your own thread

Bengal12 · 17/04/2019 18:02

Sorry, I meant to start a separate post! First time posting and upset! How do I delete? Didn’t mean to hijack a thread!

ConfCall · 17/04/2019 18:05

It’s nonsense that all men will cheat given a chance. Ignore that comment OP.

Usually I am pretty cynical but I’m wondering if the condoms are 7-8 years old (ie yours from ages ago) and if the viagra is to improve his sex life with you - you may not have noticed a problem if he resolved it with meds as soon as it developed.

The Sunday thing is odd though. And introverts can cheat too.

Inawholeofdoom82 · 17/04/2019 18:11

Not read full thread so apologies if I have missed updates.

Are you sure he is actually going to the gym?

Also, it might be prostitutes/escorts as opposed to an affair. Sorry you are having to deal with this op.

LightDrizzle · 17/04/2019 18:12

It sounds more like paying for sex than an “affair” in the sense of there being another woman.
Whichever, it’s awful for you. I hope he comes clean.

MsDogLady · 17/04/2019 18:18

So he has put the condoms in a recent gym bag? Sounds like he decided to risk using old ones that were left over.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 17/04/2019 18:19

@Bengal12 if you go into topics, body and soul, relationships and then click "new" bottom right, you can start your own thread.

youknowmedontyou · 17/04/2019 18:39

Sadly I'm with MsDogLady, can't think of any other explanation.

Wilbs77 · 17/04/2019 18:45

Sounds like he's up to no good. My ex husband started having an affair with someone from work, I thought the same as You, that he didn't have time. They used to shag in the store cupboard at work or in the car park after work. Also when he said he was going to the gym he never actually went, he met her instead! I really know what you're going through!

Tinkoschminko · 17/04/2019 18:51

Don’t listen to Cheryl - she’s on crack. Men who are capable of cheating will do so with a range of triggers and men who won’t, don’t. It’s all about the man - there isn’t a range of attractiveness that pushes all men into sex-savage mode. Please don’t go down that road - this is no reflection on you.

Aimily · 17/04/2019 18:54

With the condoms going out of date in 2016, I'm tempted to say give him the benefit of the doubt, as @ConfCall has said, they could be from the last time you'd used them, is the gym bag a bag he's had for years and used when you'd been away previously as they could be left over?
And I second that not all men will cheat given the chance.

Graphista · 17/04/2019 18:54

My ex cheated, he too "didn't have time" they were shagging in unused offices in lunch breaks etc

Sorry but from your op it seems pretty obvious to me.

"I can't see it being at a gym, he really isnt socialable." No he's probably saying he's going to the gym and seeing her.

Condoms may have been manufactured in 2016 doesn't mean that's when they were bought. Someone else may have given them to him.

Regardless he shouldn't have them in a bag he's currently using.

How did your relationship start?

C0untDucku1a · 17/04/2019 19:08

Never believe he doesnt have time. People having an affair make time.

Fuppy · 17/04/2019 19:33

OP, are you sure he's actually going to the gym?

Sorry you're going through this

MsDogLady · 17/04/2019 19:34

The bag is a “recent bag,” so he placed the condoms in there recently.

managedmis · 17/04/2019 19:35

He's not the sharpest either

ThunderOnlyHappens · 17/04/2019 21:23

I would be very suspicious OP. Any chance you can access his emails/search his car for a secret phone?

Original poster

KateMumtoBoys · 17/04/2019 21:29

That’s what I’m trying to google. The date on the condom doesn’t say expiry or manufactured. So it’s hard to tell. Iv checked our old box & it’s a different variation (same brand). It’s SKYN blue extra lube.

OP posts:

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