Think my husband is having an affair

[KateMumtoBoys]

I think my husband is having an affair. Not sure were he is finding the time. He goes to work during the day then home. Doesn't socialise. Last week I found viagra in his wallet, wallet hidden inside work coat, and hung inside the wardrobe. Two tablets missing. He hasn't discussed buying these with me. I then convinced myself that he is having problems down below and doesnt want to talk to me about it? Then this week, I have found condoms in his gym bag. One in an old phone protector (so he had been keeping one in his phone proctector), then another 3 in the pocket of his gym bag. So I called into boots and these come in a packet of 10, so 6 used. We havent used condoms in over 7 years. Then I read in a google feed that some men use condoms to masturbate with. I really dont know what to do. I l always trusted him to the moon and back. I am in complete shock.

Get a babysitter and announce you are joining him at the gym..

2016 is a while ago. Not condoms bought recently.

Is he actually a member of the gym? Has his gum kit been used or still fresh when he comes home?

Is his towel wet? Or does he come home and shower?

@TheGrapefulDread I like you

Can you follow him? See where he goes when he says he is going to the gym/work at the weekend? I would also hide near his work to see if he walks out of work with a woman at lunch time. Lunches are the typical way people bond at work.

I also completely disagree with CherylCheshire, not every man is out to cheat on his partner and not every man will screw anything that moves.
SMH.

Can you check his locations in the phone? Should tell you whether he was really at work on Sunday.

I hope that there is, somehow, a decent and kind explanation for it lass.

@cherylcheshire

I’m so sad for you that you believe all men are that way. It’s not true and there are decent men out there I promise.

OP, I’m not going to lie...it doesn’t look good. Brace yourself because when you ask him, it’s likely that he will first lie and then minimise.

Decide what you want to do now, so that you know how to move forward when the time comes.

Unfortunately I would also say something is up because of the viagra but the out of date by 3 years condoms though? Could they possibly be from when you were using them together? As hard as it may be I would certainly look for more proof before confronting him. Phone location/bank statements/phone bill/search history on phone/google maps/sat nav history etc. Good luck to you

Oh dear. None of this is sounding good.

But don't say anything yet, try and gather some 'proof' first. Next time he has to 'work late' or at the weekend, could you drive to his place of work? Or just wait outside? Would his car be parked there?

Agree check bank statements etc.

Also take some time to get your ducks in a row/take copies of all finances/pensions/mortage payments etc. Passports/paperwork etc. And make plans to see a solicitor. But don't let him know any of this yet.

Someone I know hid her iPad in his glove compartment in his car and then followed where he went on the 'find my iPad' app or some such. Incredibly easy to do, but the results were devastating.

I'd be getting all my ducks in order so that I could lock him out the second I had irrefutable evidence. He is probably doing it when he's 'at the gym' or when he's 'putting in extra hours at work'. I'd invest in a gps tracker for the car and install it when he's asleep - he probably won't think to check. Will be hard to access his personal phone and he's probably got a PAYG sim anyway. It won't be easy to physically and discretely follow him either when you've got the kids at home. Did he have an affair during his first marriage?

Most men will have affairs if they can get away with it. Two local mums are being cheated on and they believe they have a happy marriage and faithful husbands.

Googled shelf life of condoms apparently five years, so if three years out of date potentially eight years old.

Is there a reasonable chance that those condoms have been languishing in his gym bag for years and the viagra is there for when you and him have sex? Maybe he is struggling to maintain an erection but doesn't want to say anything to you out of embarrassment. Working late and for the first time ever on a Sunday is a bit worrying, all things considered, but again, he could actually be working.

Only way to know is to track his movements with GPS

If the condoms have been around for seven years they'll be showing signs of age on the packet .... doesn't sound good!

It's a very rare man indeed who will refuse the chance of sex with an attractive woman – no matter how happy he is at home with his partner.
Women are very different, of course, but your husband is not a woman and therefore cannot be judged by the same high standards.
He's a man therefore he'll screw anything that moves as long as it's good looking and he thinks he can get away with it.
As painful as it might be for you, his behaviour is absolutely no reflection upon your relationship or his feelings for you.

Cheryl what the fuck are you on about?

As painful as it might be for you, his behaviour is absolutely no reflection upon your relationship or his feelings for you.

That makes it alright, then

Funny, my X made that statement. "I had no intention of leaving you!`"

Yes, its incredible how knowing that I am just the wife appliance (childcare, property management, administration, cleaning, cooking] whilst he is infatuated with someone else,

is acceptable

Have you noticed that he’s had any problems in the downstairs department? Could this have been a short fling a few years back and he’s forgotten he’s hidden the condoms/ viagra? I would be inclined to believe this happened a while ago if anything.

*It's a very rare man indeed who will refuse the chance of sex with an attractive woman – no matter how happy he is at home with his partner.
Women are very different, of course, but your husband is not a woman and therefore cannot be judged by the same high standards.
He's a man therefore he'll screw anything that moves as long as it's good looking and he thinks he can get away with it.
As painful as it might be for you, his behaviour is absolutely no reflection upon your relationship or his feelings for you.

Absolute bollocks @CherylCheshire*, you need to mix with different men!

CherylCheshire Are you on glue?

Men do have critical reasoning skills you know.

@LooUpdate that made me chuckle...she is either on drugs or completely jaded my men lol.

Maybe not an affair if - could be that he's using escorts and other prostitutes.
He could be using his lunch times to see them, his 'gym' time or when he's working 'late/early'.
If someone wants to cheat they will ALWAYS find a way.

It might not be another woman he's cheating with either - he could just as easily be having sex with another man.

I suggest you refuse to have unprotected sex (if any) with him, get yourself tested at the sexual health clinic and also confront him about his deceit.