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Original poster

Unforgivable insults..?

61 replies

Sabrinatheteenagebitchx · 13/04/2019 10:39

Yesterday myself and my partner had a petty argument and in this argument he decided to call me a 'pathetic stupid fat cunt'. He apologised today but obviously i haven't accepted the apology..

Its the fat bit i find unforgivable. How can we ever move past this?

OP posts:
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 13/04/2019 10:41

I wouldn’t be able to forgive that or get past it. If arguments are that volatile is it really the right relationship?

PurpleDaisies · 13/04/2019 10:44

That would be unforgivable for me.

Is it s one off?

GimmeBread · 13/04/2019 10:45

Yeah I wouldn't be able to forgive that.

mamaoffourdc · 13/04/2019 10:47

I wouldn't accept any name calling!

AtlasObscura · 13/04/2019 10:47

'We' doesn't come into it.

This is now purely down to 'you'

This would be unforgivable and signal the end of the relationship for me. At the very least he should offer to leave and give you the time and space to think about what you want to do next

Bathtime17 · 13/04/2019 10:49

He also called you a stupid cunt! It's amazing how society has invested so much value on women's appearances that the "fat" comment was the one that stung.

But anyway, that is really low. You have to know your own boundaries. I wouldn't let anyone call me that, much less someone that is supposed to love me.

Call him a small dick worthless fuckwit. Might at least make you feel a bit better Wink

DelphiniumBlue · 13/04/2019 10:50

I don't see how you can move past this. If you do, there will be worse to come.
I hope it's a fairly new relationship and that he's not the father of your children.

BillywilliamV · 13/04/2019 10:50

I have been married for 20 years, if my DH called me any one of those words he’d be out the door so fast his feet wouldn’t touch the ground!
Go and find someone who will respect you OP.

Jeezoh · 13/04/2019 10:51

That wasn’t just one insult, it was 4 and each one on it’s own sounds way OTT for a petty argument.

RiversDisguise · 13/04/2019 10:53

I'd be shocked if my husband used any of those words about me.

What a horrible thing to say.

I could not forgive that

JeSuisPrest · 13/04/2019 10:54

He calls you that during a petty argument? What does he save for the real humdingers?

No, I couldn't get past that - it would always be in the back of my mind that's what he really thinks of me and my physical appearance.

Calling someone selfish, pig headed, arrogant, unsympathetic etc (if name calling is your style of arguing) is one thing because one of you usually is being one of those things when arguing, but what has our physical appearance got to do with whether you have Sunday lunch at his mother's again?

Theninjawhinger · 13/04/2019 10:55

I would really struggle with that. When we split up, my ex called me a malicious and pathetic cunt..... when I ever wavered over whether I was making the right decision or missing him, I remembered those words and it helped.

Flowers for you

Original poster
Sabrinatheteenagebitchx · 13/04/2019 11:18

Unfortunately he is the father to my child! And we have been together 4 years.. if this was a new relationship or no children involved it would be end of relationship without a doubt.

Tbh the other words dont hurt me they are words just said in anger. Its the word fat which kills me. Like wow so that's what you really think.. but every time i complain im fat he says dont be so silly you're perfect.

OP posts:
EngagedAgain · 13/04/2019 11:29

I think people do come out with their inner thoughts in an argument, petty or not. Sorry. He sounds a bit of an arse, and will probably get worse. If I were you I would give it more time, but have a timescale in your head, and if he's got worse or makes a habit of it, dump him.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 13/04/2019 11:31

I'm my opinion in a relationship wether it be friend or life partner there is never an excuse to use personal insults. They serve no use except to deliberately hurt the person they are used on. Anger at each other's behaviour is one thing but a choice to deliberately hurt the person you are close to/love, usually using a term they know plays to someones vulnerability just because you can is quite another.

for me I would question my judgment and partner choice if it happened because they would fundamentally be different to who I thought they were.

Iv been with Dp over 15 years and we have never in all that time personally insulted the other even in the middle of disagreements or anger at the other.
On the flip side my first partner was abusive and he would use a personal insult placed at the exact right moment and watch me crumble and I thunk took pleasure in it. But like I say he was abusive, he was definitely not the person I thought he was.

Thatnovembernight · 13/04/2019 11:31

He either said it because that’s what he really thinks or just because he knew what would hurt most. It doesn’t matter really which it is - you’re worth so much more than this. If someone called me a cunt I would literally never speak to them again.

Didthatreallyhappen2 · 13/04/2019 11:59

I wouldn't forgive my DH if he used any one of those words to me. What an absolutely horrible thing to say.

AnyFucker · 13/04/2019 12:02

He hates you, doesn't he ?

screamifyouwant · 13/04/2019 12:08

I've been with my dh more than 20 years and I have never insulted him like that nor has he. It amazes me couples who think it's normal.
It's a sign of his immaturity . Saying that your not going to leave him because he called you fat but I'd make him see you are never to be personal name calling and vice Versa .

Happynow001 · 13/04/2019 12:09

My goodness. These words are bad enough if they were to come from abusive drunken stranger. This man is supposed to love and care for you but, in a supposedly "petty argument" up come up four poisonous words which he threw at you.

He had YOU in front of him when he said them. Is this how he really feels about you? What do you think he'd say if the two of you were having a really serious argument?

Those words (all four of them) would have really hurt me in the same scenario.

MikeUniformMike · 13/04/2019 12:42

He has apologised.
He said the words in anger just to hurt you and probably didn't mean them.
Unless you are overweight ignore the fat insult. The rest of the insult was just him being a pathetic stupid cunt.

5LeafClover · 13/04/2019 12:51

Those are hate filled insults. They don't just slip out, he chose to say them because he wanted to hurt you. What kind of apology was it? If it was the 'I've said sorry so now your never allowed to mention it again' type then prepare for the next time he loses his temper with you and gives himself permission to say whatever it takes to hurt you most.

NotFatTransslender · 13/04/2019 12:54

Tbh my DP and I can have some quite full-on arguments. I will tell him exactly what I think of him and he will say some awful things.

Afterwards he always says he didn’t mean it, but I actually do Blush. For me, an argument isn’t about saying the most hurtful thing (if it was, I’d call him a fat cunt too as I know that’s what would sting the most!) but to let out what I’ve been bottling up.

I’m not sure which is worse tbh, saying exactly what you DO think (which means you have these negative feelings even when you’re getting on well) or saying things that aren’t true just for effect (in which case you’re just being nasty to hurt the other person).

I’d say, if you are actually overweight he said fat because he knew that was your Achilles heel. The whole thing is a nasty tirade of verbal abuse but he knew that word would sting so he used it.

For me I’d assess whether he is generally respectful outside of arguments. Does he really have so little respect for you, or is he just letting off steam and spouting whatever venom pops into his head at the time to spite you. Obviously neither is good, but one of them you can work with, one is a hopeless cause.

NotFatTransslender · 13/04/2019 12:58

And btw, of all the insults DP and I may fling at each other about being selfish, over-sensitive, narcissistic, pathetic etc neither of us ever gets personal with physical attributes. I do think that’s different to “stupid” or “cunt”, both of which are nasty but neither of which are true.

I’ve said he must not ever call me a cunt - stupid I’d probably let slide - but fat, ugly etc is totally off limits as they’re the sort of thing that will stick once the argument is over.

Similarly if you had learning difficulties and he called you stupid that might be the thing that hurt most.

Agree with a PP that fat to a woman is probably like small-dicked to a man. It’s below the belt, especially if you are already conscious of it.

Original poster
Sabrinatheteenagebitchx · 13/04/2019 13:03

I was a size 14 when i met him im now a 14/16 so not like ive gained loads of weight since we've been together. Him on the other hand has put on 3 stone in last 2 years!! Im gonna make it my mission to be a size 12 by the end of the year. Not for him but for myself!!

OP posts: