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Original poster

Unforgivable insults..?

61 replies

Sabrinatheteenagebitchx · 13/04/2019 10:39

Yesterday myself and my partner had a petty argument and in this argument he decided to call me a 'pathetic stupid fat cunt'. He apologised today but obviously i haven't accepted the apology..

Its the fat bit i find unforgivable. How can we ever move past this?

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/04/2019 13:06

I would ditch a further 11 stone now by getting shot of him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/04/2019 13:08

Do not use your child as the sole reason to stay with someone like him now. This person should not be used as glue to bind you and he together.

ChristmasFluff · 13/04/2019 13:09

It isn't 'words just said in anger' though, is it? Presumably he wouldn't say those words to his boss or his Mum? (If he would, then he isn't the sort of person anyone would want to be around anyway). So he isn't willing to give you the respect he would give to a work colleague, let alone someone he is supposed to love.

I'm with the PPs - I think he is contemptuous of you, and that is what the insults are revealing. That's why I wouldn't stay with someone who did this. Contempt is one of my deal-breakers.

Slippiepippie · 13/04/2019 13:13

Id get over it.

I have called DP disgusting names as has he to me. Including fat.

I am fat, so if i dont want someone to call me fat in a heated argument i better get skinny!

MikeUniformMike · 13/04/2019 13:13

Your DP is probably conscious of his weight gain and insulted you as a projection.
If he is a pathetic stupid cunt in general, dump him.
If he's ok otherwise, forgive him.
It doesn't sound like you are fat at all.

Slippiepippie · 13/04/2019 13:16

People are horrible to eachother during arguements. They are only words. You decide what you wanna do.

From my experience me and dp get over it and apologise and realise how silly it is to fire these words at eachother in heated fights

EngagedAgain · 13/04/2019 14:26

Your weight is not the issue, if it weren't that it would probably be something else, he would find fault with.

CupcakeDrama · 13/04/2019 20:39

I am fat, so if i dont want someone to call me fat in a heated argument i better get skinny!

I dont agree with this. I dont think its normal for partners to insult each other. Especially not personal insults about their appearance.

RunningOutOfFucks · 13/04/2019 20:52

I had "You fucking little cunt" spat squarely in my face once. There is something about your c bomb when it's said with venom. I heard it a lot 🙄

Only you know really how its said, what's behind it. But a pp mentioned contempt, i think those kind of insults express contempt

WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/04/2019 21:00

That’s a deal breaker for me. I’ve been married for years and I’ve never been called anything close to that.

Regardless of time together or dc, to me that’s unforgivable

LizzieSiddal · 13/04/2019 21:01

What is he usually like? Is this the only time he’s ever done this?

I wouldn’t leave a relationship if this was totally out of character. However if he’s disrespectful or abusive in other ways, this would be the final straw.

MumsyJ · 13/04/2019 21:03

I don't condone certain name calling. However, he's since apologised. If it's something that's never happened before, forgive him, we all are guilty of saying things we don't mean when we're angry.

DramaAlpaca · 13/04/2019 21:04

Name calling is not acceptable in a loving relationship. I would not be able to forgive or forget that.

user1486131602 · 13/04/2019 21:07

I put up with that for 13 years the same words and insults:
I only realised when I was told that my son had called something a stupid c@@t at aged 5!
Don't fool yourself, your kids will be party to the abuse. Leave, please.
Then, when you have, drop 4 dress sizes and let him know that you are happier with a guttersnipe who has no self respect ✊

Merryoldgoat · 13/04/2019 21:18

I’ve been with my DH nearly 14 years. We have NEVER slung insults at each other. Some things you can’t come back from.

I wouldn’t be able to get past ‘pathetic’ and ‘stupid’ in particular.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 13/04/2019 22:03

Everything peopleme included have said on this thread and your only response is I'm going to get to a size 12.

Get yourself some self respect op.

Aragog · 13/04/2019 22:07

Been with dh for 30 years. Never called each other names in an argument. Neither of us wound put up with that, its just not in either of natures to sling round insults, let alone the nasty offensive ones your dp has said.

screamifyouwant · 14/04/2019 08:40

Don't loose weight cause he called you fat Shock

And those who think it's ok to insult your partner when having a argument it's not !!

S1naidSucks · 14/04/2019 09:13

So what happens when your child turns into a teenager and starts calling you abusive names, because he’s grown up hearing his father do it. Name calling is never acceptable. It gives permission for verbal abuse to become point scoring and gets more and more personal as the name caller tries to ‘score the most points’, when the last insults have less effect because of the constant use.

You may have a child together, but four years is nothing together. I think you need to have a serious chat and tell him that you will walk, next time he calls you names and MEAN it! If you call him names then grow up and stop it. Neither of you are children any more and you have a little boy to raise. Part of raising a child, is setting a good example to it. What kind of example are you setting, calling each other names? You’re telling your child that it’s ok to verbally abuse and by association, mentally abuse his future partners. While women continue to set the bar low, we raise the next generation of abusers. No, I’m not victim blaming. I know that abusive men are really responsible, but we need to, if we get safe, get out of these relationships.

Boysey45 · 14/04/2019 10:18

I'd ditch him, he will get worse with time not better because he knows he can get away with it if you stay with him.

EvaHarknessRose · 14/04/2019 10:31

If you diet, you have internalised the insult. Get angry and respect yourself instead.

Oblomov19 · 14/04/2019 10:32

Goodness. I didn't realise people thought this was abnormal.
Arguing is not bad. It's what you say, how deliberately hurtful it is that does the damage.
We rarely argue and try not to say nasty things, but we've had one or two corkers over the years. Not as bad as some of these listed though. I don't believe real damage has been done.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 14/04/2019 10:55

I'd be more offended by stupid than fat because I value intelligence over aesthetics, and cunt doesn't really bother me at all, it's only seen as offensive because it refers to female rather than male genitalia and I think the female body is a wondrous thing. If it's a one off and he is truly truly remorseful I might be able to get past it but it would be difficult.

MrsTeaspoon · 14/04/2019 12:32

Well, my husband is my children’s father...if he ever spoke to me using such derogatory language he’d be out the door and I’d tell my daughters why! I’d also expect him to leave me if I ever used insults to hurt. We care about each other - yes we can have differences of opinion but we have never, ever spoken without respect. If it’s language you wouldn’t use to a stranger why think it’s acceptable to use to your partner, it’s not. Anger is not an excuse, it’s a desire to hurt and that’s horrible.

Newadventure · 14/04/2019 15:37

I remember my ex calling me a "fat cunt" regularly during arguments. I was a skinny 9st at the time, he just used to say it because I had/have issues with my weight and he knew it would hurt me the most. Prick that he was..
Sounds to me like this is what's happened here. Not that he thinks it, he just really wanted to hurt you in that moment Sad
What were you saying to him??