Activities that you and your DP do together?

[yellowbelliedlilylivered]

Coming to the realisation that DP and I don't have a lot in common and it's really affecting our ability to spend quality time together. Can I ask, what do you do with your DP (on a regular basis, doesn't cost a lot of money, require a huge amount of preparation) that allows you to bond?

Not much .

Been married over 30 years & although we met through a mutual volunteering interest our lives have really gone in different directions.

Our political views are very different so we tend to avoid discussing political matters, DH loves sport & spends a lot of time watching/playing ... I watch/help at one particular sport but that’s it. There is very little tv that we would choose to watch together, we have different friendship groups with very little ‘crossover’. We like food & drink but not necessarily the same. We often holiday separately, DH loves active holidays, skiing especially, I prefer sunshine. We both quite like going for a walk.

Not really sure how we’ve stayed married so long .

Ragwort would you say you're happy in the marriage though? You sound very similar to me and my DH in some ways

What *Ragwort has written doesn't sound that different from me and dh. It works for us. We don't troop along after the other doing things that don't interest us, we both have our own interests. Could be said that means we have more to tell each other when we are together. Crucially, when times have been hard, we have both been there for each other. DH is my absolute rock. Like most people, there have been bereavements, illness, worry about work, and various stressful times, and that is when we are there for each other. I prefer to be 'home alone' than camping half way up a freezing mountain, and he'd say the same for some of the things I do. That is fine because it works for us.
The OP though doesn't seem to have that, nor what really bonds us together throughout - our dc, nor the passion of a new relationship. There has to be something that holds you together and means you want to stay with that person, it is just that 'something' might be different for different couples, and also different at different stages of life.

I think me and DH are lucky in that we share so many interests but, for us, it's important to share the other's interests too.

We both love going to the cinema but don;t necessarily share the same taste in films. As I said, we take it in turns to choose the film. Many films that DH has chosen I would never have gone to see in a million years but more times than not I have really enjoyed them. Same for DH and the films I choose,

We don't do much separately simply because we don't want to. We went to a car show today. DH could have gone on his own or with a friend of his but he prefers to go with me. I was happy to go along and it was more enjoyable than I expected although very cold. We then went for a nice late lunch.

We go riding together, I learned to ride before we got married and he learned afterwards, now we are empty nesters we have started again, great for bonding as we are both have to try hard and are outside our comfort zones . We also go camping (though also like a bit of hotel luxury)

It's an interesting question which has made me think about my previous LTRs.

Longest LTR (7 years) - we shared the same taste in music and films/TV. We went to gigs a LOT. We also used to watch a lot of box sets while high on weed (VCR throwback!) We were of a similar intelligence level but sexually we were mis-matched.

Marriage - 7 years. Sexually we got on great, politically we were in the same page, but intellectually we were so different. He had a real chip on his shoulder about education (he was expelled from school at 13.) If I talked in a way that's natural to me he would accuse me of "using big words to think you're better than me" :(

Last LTR - lasted 4 years. (In retrospect it should never have been anything more than a fling - he was fresh out of a 15 year marriage and clearly on the rebound. I had separated from my ex 2 years prior, but 6 weeks after meeting ex my H suddenly died. Ex was very supportive, even drove me several hours to help pick up H's belongings etc. There was a lot of "Knight in Shining Armour" syndrome going on.)

Anyway we really didn't have a whole lot in common. We had amazing sex. We enjoyed cooking together and travelling. But we didn't have the same taste in music, films, TV. We did watch TV together but as soon as we split up I stopped watching them, which says everything.

we are learning both Ballroom Dancing and Bridge together, both started from zero knowledge/experience

learning together has been great for us