Activities that you and your DP do together?

[yellowbelliedlilylivered]

Coming to the realisation that DP and I don't have a lot in common and it's really affecting our ability to spend quality time together. Can I ask, what do you do with your DP (on a regular basis, doesn't cost a lot of money, require a huge amount of preparation) that allows you to bond?

I wanted to ask, as it seems that most of you do a lot of things together - how much time do you spend apart? But as I see, the last poster said that they do not spend very much time together, if I understand it correctly.

Nothing, unless it involves the kids. He has no interests outside the gym/work/Xbox/telly. And all those things bore me to tears bar watching telly but we have very different tastes. So I get my stimulation outside the marriage seeing friends and doing hobbies.

We spend most of our time in the joy of introverted, companionable silence, both having intense social jobs and two loud children.
The tv we choose to watch is always something we both like. If we can force ourselves to start, instead of tv, we really enjoy some board/ card games.
We eat together, late, without DC. Share similar views on politics and current affairs so talk about those things a lot.

And we do the same sport. Although he also cycles. A lot...

Make a cake (just one of those packet mixes) and we then get cake to eat
Cinema
We watch a lot of films and have similar film interest
Play PS4 games together
Driving range (golf) the one local to us you just pay for the balls as they have clubs you can use

We've been together 37 years and like lots of others have certain tv shows we watch together. We would be. Ross if the other one got ahead on. Other shows that we Watch on our own but that's our thing to do together x

We do most things together, I wouldn't necessarily call them hobbies or interests, just things you do as part of life - shopping, walking the dogs, cooking, watching TV, visiting family etc.

We love a mooch around second hand shops, pawn shops, garage sales, etc
We cook, ferment and preserve, gardening, go camping, go the the nudist beach, hike, geo cache, canoe, cross country ski, fishing, have garden hang outs and stuff.
We also enjoy watching shows on Netflix or Amazon, or YouTube together.

Same as others. Dont do anything specific just mull about together. Walk the dog, watch TV programmes we both like, watch a lot of film at night and aside from that it's a lot of just shopping, cooking, driving and general house stuff!

Trips to the seaside, walks in the mountains (although less so at the moment due to painful joint conditions), card games, lots of TV, cooking together or just chatting in the kitchen whilst the other cooks.

The secret to reigniting the spark is supposed to be having new experiences together that raise adrenaline.

So something like abseiling, scary rides at at theme park etc.

Then that apparently increases bonding etc. so that the nights in front of the tv will feel more like quality time. The newness of the experience or activity is kind of a reminder of your early days together.

Sex 😂

@Spudlet us too. Is it swtor?

Your posts don't sound like there is a lot of passion there ?
Don't you laugh together?
I can sort of understand people 'losing touch' with their other half when trying to keep heads above water with work and small dc taking over, but, as you say you don't have dc, it seems strange to be in a relationship where you are just sort of existing alongside one another.
It sounds like you need to have serious discussions about where you are going together in life.
How long have you been together ?

Would it be worth you both agreeing to do a period of time doing something together that one of you has suggested, and then the other commits to doing something the other has chosen - even if you think it isn't something you'd emjoy in the first instance? Or to try something neither of you have done to do each month for a year or something.
You might be surprised and enjoy something you never thought you would, and if not, you might at least be able to laugh together at the disaster of that evenings / event ?

We spend a lot of time just 'being'. Doing our own things next to each other. So he'll read a book in bed while I'm on MN and I'll watch TV while he games. We sometimes garden together, ran together before I got pregnant and too tired, have been swimming together. The things we regularly do together is watch TV - we usually watch one episode of a box set or series each night. Currently we hate watch star trek discovery and talk a lot about how stupid it is. And then when it's not on we're watching grand designs back from the 90s which again we talk a lot about! We nearly always eat dinner together, and at the weekend have breakfast while reading the news online together. We go out for breakfast or brunch fairly often. Sometimes walk the dog together. Go to a garden centre or to the beach for a couple of hours. We talk about our days, whats going on in the news, how our family or friends are doing. We probably don't have deep meaningful conversations very often, but I don't think that's necessarily needed! We used to get drunk and dance around to 50s swing music and we did dance lessons for a bit. Now we just listen to music while he has a glass of something and I sip gaviscon!

@Aria1999 No, Everquest Project 1999. It's retro

We cuddle the cat together, we chat about each other's day, he comes home from work every lunch and brings me something from his canteen and we chat, we are renovating last home together, I plan holidays and discuss with him, we go out as a family on days out, go on holiday together, plan / do garden together and discuss news and kids / family together. Sometimes just be silly together.

It's been so interesting reading these posts. My DH is a lovely man but we have limited things we enjoy doing together and it's starting to really get me down. We've been together 11 years. We don't have kids (tried but couldn't) and we have a dog. We barely take her for walks together which was something I was looking forward to but he finds it a chore.

He hates cinema, films or dramas on tv. We've never watched a boxset together. I enjoy exercise but he doesn't. He doesn't find me funny and he doesn't make me laugh that much.

We both love nice food and drink but surely that's the same for most people. He has a nice, close family and I don't. Our evening conversation tends to revolve around him asking me 'have you heard from anyone today?' - maybe I'm over-analysing but I don't think he's that interested in me but always wants to know about other people.

I learn more about what is going on when we are socialising with other people and he tells them things which I haven't even been told - that's actually a running joke and his parents have a similar joke as it's the same with them. He just isn't a big talker and we just don't 'engage'. He gets very inpatient with me at times and at those times I feel like I hate him. Despite that I stand by what I said about him being a good, decent man.

That all probably sounds worse than it is. I know he cares about me and loves me, he just has a completely different personality to me and I think I just need a lot more from a relationship.

Sorry for the blunt post but I'm contemplating what the hell I should do. I'm 45 and don't want to be feeling like this for many more years. It's been therapeutic writing this down

Would be interested in any views on this!

Just want to clarify that the dog gets amazing walks every day but my point was just I thought we'd do walks together more at weekends (just re-read my post and didn't want you thinking that she doesn't get walked!! Point was just we don't do it together, and I do it most days we I love doing it!)

As food lovers, user100987 ,could you visit restaurants together? We will go somewhere purely because one or other of us hears of a place we fancy trying. Invariably we find other, interesting things to visit in every town, city or village. So many dog friendly hotels around these days as well. We love discussing the highs and lows of a tasting menu!

User I would chat to him and tell him you would like to do more things together and maybe suggest a few ideas. You don't really say what he likes doing other than eating and drinking. I wondered about National Trust or similar so could take the dog and see something. My husband likes to go on rowing boats together and steam trains, maybe he might do something like that. If he's not keen and you never laugh at anything together it doesn't sound too promising but if he's keen he might just have got too comfortable and just needs a push to make more effort.

I did read online a sign someone likes you is if they laugh at your jokes even bad ones, and I think its important to be able to laugh and joke around. Relationships do go through difficult phases but in a good relationship you can work through issues together.

If you are able to User maybe a weekend away somewhere nice would help you reconnect. Maybe somewhere like Bath and visit some nice restaurants, historical sites, spa etc.

Thanks so much Polly and Penguin for your comments. We do occasionally enjoy nice meals out and have done the odd dog friendly hotel and they are good ideas for things to do. We do an awful lot of things separately these days but in a way that just helps me bury my head in the sand.

TV, cooking together, looking after our dog, planning our new house build, holidays, antique furniture shopping/flea markets/junk shops, walks, camping, being outdoors, lying on the sofa, motorbikes, watching motorbike racing. And other stuff. But that's some of it.

Oh playing cards and backgammon is a good one when on holiday. And we have a Times Crossword book we take with us always.