Abusive ex and now pregnant

[myheadsamess15]

I left my abusive ex a couple of weeks ago and found out this week that I am pregnant with his child. He was never violent towards me (not that it makes it much better), but was manipulative, controlling and messed with my head. I have told him I am pregnant and he seems pretty happy about it as it would be our first child. I'm not certain he can change and have no intention of moving back to live with him or even get back together, but I am worried he will use this baby as a way of controlling me.

When the baby comes could he request to have the child 50% of the time? Would he be able to take the baby for that long when I plan to breastfeed? I'm worried I now need to stay with him so he doesn't get to take the baby away from me.

You don't have to see him or have any contact with him and all. Why are you even speaking to him about scans? You also don't have to accept any money at all, or gifts, or shopping trips. When the baby is born you apply for support formally, through CSA, not "I'll always take care of you and the baby - don't you trust me?".

Don't let his family get involved- they have no right to see the baby and never let them pretend to you that they do. He can apply for access through the courts - you don't have to put ANYTHING in place or make any effort at all to ensure access.

You are still in thrall to him, from what you have said so far. Try to stay on this thread if you can because there are lots of people with practical experience who can offer support.

Termination is NOT you're only option, if you dont feel it's right to do so then it's not. Keep the baby and navigate as you go. You're doing the right thing by starting the freedom programme, I've heard really good things about it! Get a clear head, and tackle things as they come. When I had my dd her dad was asking for overnight immediately, solicitor advised 2hr visits (with me at home) 4 times a week. We then gradually built up to an overnight when she was about 1. Then we took it slow, now he has 2/3 nights a week. Its do able and it works. I dont know what your ex is like, just start to log and record as much as you can now incase you need it in the future. Good luck!

I wouldn't have told him and kept away from him, until he requested a DNA test. Ffs don't put him on the birth certificate.
yes, he will use it as a way to try and control you for the next 2 years or so.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. Unfortunately I lost the baby a couple of weeks ago and go into today for medical management. I'm coming to terms with it and realise it was probably for the best, considering my circumstances. I'm still upset, but once I have physically recovered I can start to build my life again with out the abuser in my life. Thank you all

I wish you well.

Oh goodness OP, I'm so sorry x

It's not the same but I had a massive pregnancy scare a week or so ago. I was becoming used to the idea of a third child with a different man.

My heart goes out to you.

Oh you poor love. You've had a rough few weeks, and I understand that it's hard to know how to feel right now. Sad either way, of course. Be kind to yourself.

I’m so sorry, I’ve only just read your thread. Sending you lots of love x