Affair with a friend - action against friend?

[metallica121]

Male here

Slightly long post, but please bear with me and assist with your thoughts as I am very confused.

I recently found out that my wife was having an affair with a common friend. It lasted for 2 months until I found out about it. She admitted to the affair.

I have several more common friends with this friend.
We have decided to give my marriage a chance (dont have kids).

While I am aware that my wife is also to be blamed, but having seen all the facts it was the friend who played a significant role in wooing the wife and taking advantage or her unstable mind.

I want to seek advise with regards to what action I can take against him to punish him OR is it even worth doing anything OR just let him go and forget relationships with other friends who are common to him?

I am not seeking advice regarding cheating, divorce.

Now when the affair began, we were going through a rough patch in our marital life and I know my wife was in an emotionally disturbed state. She is a fairly sensitive woman and young in age too.

The common friend became aware of our situation and unknown to me started offering support. He has had several short relationships and he got divorced because he cheated on his wife. I have seen messages, emails and heard how it all began. Without going into too much detail, it was him who is majorly responsible and took advantage of a vulnerable woman.

I am understandably furious and want to understand what options I have against him. Anything legal, through police, solicitors or on social media ? Or just not bother about him?

Given we have common friends, I am now avoiding social situations. I am unsure if I should tell all friends how he acted so they isolate him or will it backfire? Or get new friends?

Anyone who had been in similar situation?

Your wife sounds quite vulnerable to me. Does she have any family nearby? How did you meet?

GimmeBread, English is perhaps not OP's first language or culture.

I agree with everything that's already been said by previous posters. I also query a large age gap and what you're implying about your wife's capacity to consent to relationships yet you're presumably happy to still be married to her.

In relation to your question: don't seek revenge. (Personally I find that you're effectively asking an Internet forum how to "punish" him disturbing as well). Nearly 10 years ago I was (unintentionally) the other woman in that I wasn't aware my partner was already in a pre-existing long distance relationship. When he flitted between wanting me and her and then ditched me to take her back I was absolutely heartbroken and spent literally years fantasising about having revenge on him. But I never did a thing, because deep down I knew that whatever I did would probably only serve to hurt me more than him. The best action for your own wellbeing is to disengage with him (but still maintain your mutual friendship group if that's what you want to do?) I would again emphasise though that your wife is the one who made vows to you and chose to break those, not your friend.

From what you've said in your OP about your wife being unstable and very young, I am concerned that she needs help. I'm guessing your friend offered her help and security, but it then turned out he was just after sex.

How young is your wife!?

Anyone who had been in similar situation
English is not the OP's first language.

OP, though, @Jackshouse is 100% right. Either your wife is unable to choose either of you as her partner, or she's able to choose both of you. She can't be too frail to have chosen the other bloke, but strong enough to have chosen you.

Poor little wife. Is she now stable in mind?

What to do about your ‘friend’? Absolutely nothing. He is not your friend. Simple as that. You either close this chapter and work on your marriage or you pursue some kind of ‘punishment’. Not both.

GimmeBread, English is perhaps not OP's first language or culture.

There are some quite consistent irregularities in his grammar that make me think it isn't. This isn't a criticism, just an observation.

There are some quite consistent irregularities in his grammar that make me think it isn't. This isn't a criticism, just an observation

Indeed. I once interviewed a Moroccan student who had taught himself English by watching British films largely from the 1940s and 50s. His manner of speech and accent was quite odd.

Why would this be seen as a criticism?