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Original poster

WWYD OH friend in my inbox

83 replies

SteveTheSpiderPlant · 08/04/2019 10:35

I went out with my newish partner at the weekend and met his friends for the first time. It is a large group of couples, brothers, sisters, school friends. They have all been a group for many many years.

They all made an effort to talk to me, the men and the women and I felt included.

At one point I had been talking to DP and two of his male friends. DP broke off to talk to someone else and so did the other male friend leaving me talking to Friend X. during the conversation friend X got upset so I awkwardly patted his back and offered him a tissue. I changed the subject and all was fine. DP came back and joined us and it all moved on.

The next day the friend requested to follow me on Insta, a few of OHs other friends follow me so I just casually mentioned it to OH and he said oh that's fine X is a good guy.

This morning I have woken up to a message from the friend. Nothing untoward but I feel a bit uncomfortable about it.

I don't want to cause trouble in a long standing friendship group but nor do I want to look like I have something to hide so I am going to mention it to DP tonight when I see him.

Am I reading too much into this? I wouldn't dream of messaging my friends new partners?

OP posts:
Original poster
SteveTheSpiderPlant · 08/04/2019 10:36

Just realized my user name might make me look male.. I am female.

OP posts:
another20 · 08/04/2019 10:36

What did it say?

whitesoxx · 08/04/2019 10:37

What does the message say?

Hi, sorry for crying on you like a drunken fool. Was nice to meet you.

Or

Fancy a shag?

Massive difference

bluebell34567 · 08/04/2019 10:37

yeah, it feels uncomfortable. can you ignore it?

LorelaiRoryEmily · 08/04/2019 10:37

I would tell your OH. What did the message say?

PointlessUsername · 08/04/2019 10:38

I would just tell dp. No need for you to hide it.

LuluBellaBlue · 08/04/2019 10:38

Yes I’d show it / mention it to DP.
Depending on what it said though I really wouldn’t read too much into it.

HoldMyGirl · 08/04/2019 10:38

I would just ignore it and say nothing to your dp.

Some people have poor boundaries, I would just assume it's that.

Shoxfordian · 08/04/2019 10:39

What did it say? Probably doesn't mean anything

RiversDisguise · 08/04/2019 10:41

Ridiculous to work yourself up about it when you don't know what's in it, ffs

Treaclesweet · 08/04/2019 10:43

Maybe he's just saying it was nice to meet you etc & is a bit embarrassed by crying on you? I think you're really jumping to conclusions here.

Musti · 08/04/2019 10:43

Depends what the message says. I would just do a polite reply that doesn't encourage conversation. A bit odd that a stranger got upset with you. He sounds like he has issues.

Musti · 08/04/2019 10:44

Not with you but he picked you to be upset around when he was in the company of friends!

sackrifice · 08/04/2019 10:48

You obviously feel something is off.

You don't have to respond to the message.

You are perfectly entitled to remove him as a friend on FB, and block him.

If he asks just say you it felt off, and so you have made moves as a result. You don't have to erase all your own boundaries to appease a man and his friends.

Never apologise or explain.

As a previous poster said, weird that he picked you out of all his friends. They are probably kicking themselves for not spotting it as quick as you have.

Jellyfloodagain · 08/04/2019 10:48

What does it say?

Original poster
SteveTheSpiderPlant · 08/04/2019 10:49

It says Hiya, hows your head today? xx

We had all had a lot to drink so presumably he is asking if I have a hangover? But we went out on Saturday, it was midnight on Sunday that he sent the message.

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 08/04/2019 10:53

I would ignore the message and see if he tries to make small talk again.

MrsChanandlerBongg · 08/04/2019 10:58

It could be innocent, but on the other hand would you like it if you partner received a message like this from a friend of yours he'd just met?

RiversDisguise · 08/04/2019 10:58

Xx is out of order to a friend's girlfriend,

So I think you should show your boyfriend, say you're not answering this, and block.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 08/04/2019 10:58

Sounds to me like hes embarrassed and trying to see if you remember. I'd reply, say hazy memory but good night, nice to meet you and see you around

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 08/04/2019 10:59

Also I'd mention the message to your bf so he knows you've replied

Original poster
SteveTheSpiderPlant · 08/04/2019 11:03

@NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 thats a pretty perfect reply. Thanks I will send that and mention it in passing to DP.

OP posts:
MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 08/04/2019 11:04

I'd reckon he's looking for a way in to discuss the tears

He might be embarrassed and wondering if you are going to, or already have told your boyfriend.

I'd reply, keeping it breezy (but don't say you are breezy, that totally negates the breezy! :o ) also I'd mention the upset to your boyfriend he's much better placed to know if it's out of character and if X needs support or maybe a kick in his sleazy pants

On the face of it there's nothing untoward...other friends have added you and been accepted on IG

pudding21 · 08/04/2019 11:07

I think he is fishing to find out if he made an idiot out of himself in front of you. He probably has that free floating post beer anxiety. Or he could be trying to hit on you but give him the benefit of the doubt.

pissedonatrain · 08/04/2019 11:08

You're making a big deal about nothing.

Either reply or ignore.

cringe at use of DP and OH for someone you just started dating.