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Original poster

WWYD OH friend in my inbox

83 replies

SteveTheSpiderPlant · 08/04/2019 10:35

I went out with my newish partner at the weekend and met his friends for the first time. It is a large group of couples, brothers, sisters, school friends. They have all been a group for many many years.

They all made an effort to talk to me, the men and the women and I felt included.

At one point I had been talking to DP and two of his male friends. DP broke off to talk to someone else and so did the other male friend leaving me talking to Friend X. during the conversation friend X got upset so I awkwardly patted his back and offered him a tissue. I changed the subject and all was fine. DP came back and joined us and it all moved on.

The next day the friend requested to follow me on Insta, a few of OHs other friends follow me so I just casually mentioned it to OH and he said oh that's fine X is a good guy.

This morning I have woken up to a message from the friend. Nothing untoward but I feel a bit uncomfortable about it.

I don't want to cause trouble in a long standing friendship group but nor do I want to look like I have something to hide so I am going to mention it to DP tonight when I see him.

Am I reading too much into this? I wouldn't dream of messaging my friends new partners?

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 08/04/2019 15:05

Yeah he is chancing his arm, as he wants someone to chat... Or more to ..
Do not answer, otherwise he will latch on
Tell your OH. . so he knows what was said....but just write it off and don't get cornered by this guy when your out with friends. I need the loo is a good way to get away...

user1479305498 · 08/04/2019 15:08

I never cease to be amazed at some men. When married in my20s to my ex H, his best friend mysteriously used to pop round when he knew my H was on shifts and wasn’t there. Out of the blue one day he ‘popped around’ and then called me from a phone box to tell me he loved me. (And not just in a friend way) I never told my exH coz I didn’t want to ruin a friendship, the older me now would certainly have said something. Who needs friends like that

Original poster
SteveTheSpiderPlant · 08/04/2019 15:09

Not much of a friend really, I wouldn't be happy if one of my friends did it. I am not answering the back tickle message and if I am out with them again I will be polite but careful to not end up one to one with him again.

OP posts:
Lumene · 08/04/2019 15:12

Trust your instincts OP they are working well so far.

RiversDisguise · 09/04/2019 06:51

Because of the grammar of your reply, he may have read your 'had a great time' as referring to your day in bed with your boyfriend. This is how I read it as it's actually what you wrote. Then an unnecessary 'x'. Yeah, your message definitely sounded sexual to me and some others here so maybe don't launch into labelling him a creep? He may have felt you were on joking about sex terms.

Original poster
SteveTheSpiderPlant · 09/04/2019 08:49

The x was because he had sent xx on his original message. I am new to the group I don't want to be seen as stand offish or snotty. These are my BFs friends.

Anyway I showed DP and he just said to block him. His friend has no reason to be sending me messages, they don't tend to message each others wives/girlfriends and they have know each other 15 years. This guy met me for a couple of hours.

He liked a photo of me on BFs Insta, then went and followed me and then sent me a message. not usual behavior in their group.

All sorted now anyway so drama over and hopefully next time I am out with them we can just pretend it never happened.

OP posts:
FleeceDetective · 09/04/2019 08:55

In future, saying you spent the day in bed with your new boyfriend, unless it’s strongly implied you were both full up with D&V, always says you were shagging like rabbits.

Original poster
SteveTheSpiderPlant · 09/04/2019 08:57

It does say we were recovering, I thought that made it clear we were sleeping it off but I will bear in mind for future...

OP posts:
FleeceDetective · 09/04/2019 09:00

Recovering from a hangover? Horny shagging like rabbits!

Original poster
SteveTheSpiderPlant · 09/04/2019 09:03

I am obviously doing hangovers wrong but I accept that my message could have been taken in a different way than I intended.

OP posts:
another20 · 09/04/2019 09:28

It doesn’t matter if your message was misunderstood - he still carried on with OTT creepy behaviour - if you were in doubt first time you are clear now. If he hadn’t meant to be creepy first time he would have then been embarrassed by your message and just said something neutral.

LumpyPillow · 09/04/2019 09:33

Errr no, it wouldn't make me think anything sexual at all.

Why is it acceptable or normal for someone who is supposed to be her bfs long term FRIEND to think she was being 'sexual' by saying they'd both been in bed all day recovering from a hangover. Thats what people do? Its a perfectly normal and common thing for adults to say to each other - its probably been said trillions of times. Should she have said recovering on the sofa? Oh god you can have sex on a sofa!

Why is her response seen as anything remotely sexual? When shes never met him before that night, they have no history of flirting or anything of the sort, its her bfs mate, she comforted him. Utter psycho twaddle, 'oh poor (creepy, unboundaried gross man child) man must have been confused!' oh please! Apologist bullshit.

user1479305498 · 09/04/2019 10:28

Some people on here have minds like sewers, I Don’t think it was remotely sexual OP , the guys a chancing dickhead

bluebell34567 · 09/04/2019 10:51

op, it think you need to be careful about messages you give out.
i think maybe something during your first night chat with him and your text to him are giving wrong messages.

StormTreader · 09/04/2019 10:57

Oh for goodness sake, it's not OPs fault for "not being careful" about the messages she's sending - he met her as his mates GF, she mentioned her BF in her reply, she matched his x in case that's just a general thing this group of friends do when messaging, and he promptly revealed that hes a massive letch. This isn't the OP leading anyone on accidentally or otherwise, its all on him.

WipeYourFeetOnTheRhythmRug · 09/04/2019 11:00

“op, it think you need to be careful about messages you give out.
i think maybe something during your firs night chat with him and your text to him are giving wrong messages.”

Yes OP, because women are responsible for men’s behaviour. There is no way he is a creep - it’s your fault. Were you also wearing a short skirt? That probably did it too.

Hmm
Original poster
SteveTheSpiderPlant · 09/04/2019 11:05

I actually was wearing a shirt skirt and I smiked a lot too.

I must have tempted him with my tissue. I didnt even hug the guy when he cried, I very awkwardky patted his shoulder and chucked a tissue on the table. How in earth is that giving him the wrong message.

OP posts:
Original poster
SteveTheSpiderPlant · 09/04/2019 11:06

Typing on a new phone please excuse the typos

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 09/04/2019 11:11

You've done the right thing OP, he sounds like a chancer, stay well away.

WipeYourFeetOnTheRhythmRug · 09/04/2019 11:14

I hope you realised I was joking - you did nothing wrong, including wearing a short skirt!

Original poster
SteveTheSpiderPlant · 09/04/2019 11:18

Wipeyourfeet yes, I was agreeing with you, my tone doesn't always come across.

Some people on here woukd genuinely think that a short skirt and a smile was leading him on though, how depressing.

OP posts:
HeavyLocks · 09/04/2019 12:27

“op, it think you need to be careful about messages you give out.
i think maybe something during your firs night chat with him and your text to him are giving wrong messages.”

Shock victim blame much?

honeylane · 09/04/2019 14:14

Bluebell WTF

RiversDisguise · 09/04/2019 18:01

Now you lot are ganging up on Bluebell, implying she's a rape apologist and injecting twaddle about short skirts. Nice.

The OP will have an easier time if she learns to recognise bullshit and shut it down rather than playing along to be nice.

eeeggghhh89 · 09/04/2019 18:58

Your reply was fine except for the X it's inappropriate for a random fella he'll most Def take it your interested

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