Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Crush on school dad

63 replies

ThisIsASecret101 · 05/04/2019 19:52

I've been married 10 years. 2 DC. Had a rough patch the last 8 months including marriage counselling. It worked for a bit but we've fallen back into bad habits.

Lately I've been chatting to a dad at the school gate and I've got a bit of a crush on him. He's married with 2 DC too. Obviously I'm not going to do anything about it but it's clearly symptomatic of something that's not right. I'd like the clear thinking of MN to talk me through it.

OP posts:
Crazyhairymary · 05/04/2019 20:09

Maybe you need to think about calling it a day if things are still the same after counselling

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 05/04/2019 20:11

Disengage, op. It would be messy for all involved and painfully embarrassing on the school run.

slipperywhensparticus · 05/04/2019 20:12

School dad pays attention? And oh doesn't? I can see that but school dad isnt your solution maybe being single is

Original poster
ThisIsASecret101 · 05/04/2019 20:17

Or try more counselling? DH is a genuinely lovely man but hugely annoying. I need to get less annoyed. He needs to think before he speaks.

We live in a small community too so would be the scandal of the town. His wife is notoriously lazy and does nothing for the kids; he does it all. However she is well known and it would not go down well.

OP posts:
FineWordsForAPorcupine · 05/04/2019 20:31

Be honest, OP - this post isn't so people can "snap you out of" your crush. It's so you can talk about it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/04/2019 20:35

You have no idea what's going on in his marriage. Focus on your own. End it if it's not making you happy - but don't encroach on this man's marriage. Just don't.

Original poster
ThisIsASecret101 · 05/04/2019 20:38

Or suggest things I can do to get over it?

I had a similar brief crush on DH's friend about 3 years ago and shared it on MN and received some helpful advice. He is still friends with him but I look for the bad in his friend (obviously don't go on about it) so it reminds me what a knob he is especially how he treats DH albeit a highly attractive one

OP posts:
SleepingSloth · 05/04/2019 20:56

His wife is notoriously lazy and does nothing for the kids; he does it all.

Did he tell you that? If he did, he's probably lying and possibly looking for an affair. I don't know how else you would know what she does or doesn't do and what goes on in her life but wherever you'd heard it, it's really none of your business.

Get counselling again if you think it helped, talk to your husband. Stay away from other people's husbands, there's always trouble in sight when anyone else is commenting on how terrible another persons partner is.

If you have an unhappy marriage, don't wreck another family in the process of making yourself feel better.

Original poster
ThisIsASecret101 · 05/04/2019 21:32

No it's known throughout our DCs year group not via him. But everything else you say makes sense.

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 05/04/2019 21:52

Alright. Go on then OP.
How's she "notoriously" lazy?
Not enough muffins for the PTA bake sale?
Rocking trackies and trainers at drop off?
Forget me nots in the front garden rather than rose and chrysanthemum?

There's no way you could know about the things that actually count (her behind-closed-doors parenting) unless Daddy was having a quiet concerned word with lots of potentially lonely ladies about his wife's womanly failings...until someone bites. And you bit his hand off.

Wouldn't be the first Daddy and won't be last.

SilverySurfer · 05/04/2019 22:16

Of course, if she's 'notoriously lazy' there's no problem stealing her husband is there? Well, apart from causing pain and upset to your husband and children and his wife and their children. Hmm

It sounds like he's looking for a bit on the side. Is your bar set so low that you would be happy with that? Not sure what you are hoping to hear.

ChippyPickledEggs · 05/04/2019 22:25

Ooof OP, this has got disaster written all over it. I also live in a small community. People will have already noticed you two hanging out and chatting. Don't let yourself become the subject of a whispering campaign. Messy, messy, messy.

Shinyshit · 05/04/2019 23:00

I could be classed as a "Lazy" Mum to gossipy people who have no idea what go's on in my life, (severe inflammatory bowel disease and chronic depression) which I like to keep private, so my dh does the majority of the school runs, whilst I care for our 11 mth and 2 yr old.
It sounds like you are trying to find reasons why she's not worthy of her poor husband, and you could swoop in and make him much happier.
You don't sound like a very nice person at all op.Hmm

SleepingSloth · 05/04/2019 23:09

*It sounds like you are trying to find reasons why she's not worthy of her poor husband, and you could swoop in and make him much happier.

Exactly this. It's makes horrible reading. You and your 'DCs year group' need to concentrate on your own lives and stop gossiping. It's a sign of unhappy people when they spend their time talking nastily about others. You have no idea what's happening in this woman's life. Maybe she doesn't do school runs etc so she avoids the school mums gossip and bitching....and who could blame her.

Talk to your husband instead.

SleepingSloth · 05/04/2019 23:11

I could be classed as a "Lazy" Mum to gossipy people who have no idea what go's on in my life, (severe inflammatory bowel disease and chronic depression) which I like to keep private, so my dh does the majority of the school runs, whilst I care for our 11 mth and 2 yr old.

Sorry to hear you are going through that. Flowers. Hope you are ok.

springydaff · 06/04/2019 02:57

Don't be an idiot op.

Get away from him for a start. As pp says, everyone knows already you two are spending time together. Avoid him. don't talk to him. Arrive late/early so you don't see him. Etc.

Sort things out with your husband. Just because you're married doesn't mean you won't find others attractive and get crushes now and then. Just ignore the crushes and don't feed them. Don't be an idiot.

Theoldwoman · 06/04/2019 03:06

Jog on ...

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/04/2019 03:06

His wife is notoriously lazy and does nothing for the kids; he does it all.

Thinking mean thoughts about his wife to mentally justify your behaving poorly is unpleasant. This not-even-an-affair has you being horrible about other women.

Sort out your marriage or split up. No scandal, no small village nonsense. Be a grown up.

HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame · 06/04/2019 03:09

This has made me wonder if anyone on the school run fancies my husband? Hmm

Seriously though OP don’t go near this!!! Bad idea.

Alicewond · 06/04/2019 03:12

You aren’t sounding great here OP, you criticise others a lot

winecigsandchoc · 06/04/2019 03:29

Ha! I could be the lazy Mum here lol my DH does the school run as much as possible because he could be called away with Work for months at the drop of a hat and I suffer from depression and anxiety.

Don't judge someone you don't know and leave her husband alone!

Crabbyandproudofit · 06/04/2019 03:45

Your DH is "genuinely lovely". If you act on your crush you are not "lovely" and neither is school-gate dad if he reciprocates.

Ginandunicorns · 06/04/2019 03:46

ExH had a crush on a mum. Fast forward a year and they're now together and "happy" She still avoids the school run and lost all of her friends. My DD refuses to see him. Your choice.

MsDogLady · 06/04/2019 04:43

His wife is notoriously lazy and does nothing for the kids, he does it all.

In front of him you are charming and flirty. Behind his back you and the other ‘Mean Girls’ slag off his wife. I wonder what he would think of that?

You have never walked in this woman’s shoes. Their arrangements are their business and were mutually agreed upon. Respect that.

You should stay in your own lane. You’re crossing the center line. Your husband and children deserve better. His wife and children do too.

Potatonose · 06/04/2019 09:23

You know what have other women's back in life instead of putting them down and using any BS to justify your shit behaviour. That's such a nasty thing. And if he's been saying that then he's not that great is he?

The answer is simple: get more counselling, talk to oh or talk and leave. Not ooh that man needs rescuing from an awful woman, which by the way is the oldest shit in the book. I agree with another poster it seems like you just want to get a thrill talking about it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread