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Original poster

Do I tell a stranger their husband is on tinder?

106 replies

RelapsedChocoholic · 05/04/2019 19:26

As the title says really

A match accidentally (I’m assuming) uploaded a picture with a wedding band visible- then took the picture down.
When I asked about the picture he came up with a random excuse for why he’d taken it down, but eventually confessed he was married.

The usual excuses - he was bored... just looking for friends... (yeah, that’s why you were so keen for me to come over right there and then...) etc

He blocked me when I didn’t reply.
At no point did he say his wife knew- just offered a list of reasons why I should feel bad for him.

He used his real name and employer, plus told me lots about his background, so, one google and I’ve found him (and his wife)

I think I would want to know if it was me, but equally it would be the end of my relationship- that seems like a really massive thing for me to potentially cause.

Would you message her? If so how? I have screen shots of the profile and some of the conversation (including his excuses)- but sending this in a random message on Instagram just feels wrong. Plus part of me is pissed off he thinks it’s ok to waste single women’s time- that’s not a good enough reason for me to dump this on his possibly blissfully ignorant wife.

He deserves to be outed - but all feels a bit drama-y. Maybe I should just message him and hope it scares him enough to grow up?

Eurgh! Some men suck!!!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 05/04/2019 21:21

Former you wouldn't want someone to tell you? So you knew?

I'd question the motive of the person who told me. There's lots of cheating men out there...quite honestly, why would anyone waste so much brain space worrying about random people's relationships.

chocolatebuttonsandcheese · 05/04/2019 21:22

No

CookPassBabtridge · 05/04/2019 21:26

Absolutely tell her.

Morticiaismymumgoal · 05/04/2019 21:39

That's interesting former, I'd want to be t

Morticiaismymumgoal · 05/04/2019 21:43

Sorry- That's interesting former, I'd want to be told and as long as there was evidence in the form of messages etc I wouldn't question it at all. I'm not trying to argue or disagree with you, I just can't see it from the other pov at all so find it interesting to hear that some people wouldn't tell or want to be told even if it were by a stranger.

Original poster
RelapsedChocoholic · 05/04/2019 21:47

Hi formerbabe -

Why would anyone waste so much brain space worrying about random people’s relationships

I guess he’s made me part of it.
I don’t sit worrying about the infidelities or random men in general, just this one who if I hadn’t seen the picture that he then deleted, I wouldn’t have necessarily known he was married. Now I do, and I feel some responsibility (misplaced or not) to this woman, as well as the other women he is potentially misleading by pretending to be single.

(And I haven’t spent the day agonising, I was curious what other’s thought this evening as I was reading mumsnet/ waiting for my washing machine to finish... #rocknroll ... maybe you’re right about getting a life... Grin)

If he hadn’t given away so much information about himself I wouldn’t have bothered looking either- I’m not on a crusade, honest! But he did, and now he’s (slightly) less of a random man.

I’ve drafted a message but think it would be better to send in the morning (don’t want to look like a drunken loon!), plus gives me time to sleep on it.

Thank you to everyone who’s answered me Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
RelapsedChocoholic · 05/04/2019 21:49

Eurgh there are typos in that... so annoying!!

(definitely need to get a life!)

OP posts:
LellyMcKelly · 05/04/2019 21:57

I’d tell her in a heartbeat. I’ve been cheated on and would much rather have been told rather than wasting another few years on the slug.

Jumbo2000 · 05/04/2019 22:13

Yeah, tell her.

What she does with the information you provide is up to her.
But I think most women would agree... we would want to know (well, I would anyway)

Nala8 · 05/04/2019 22:23

I'm glad you are going to send her a message.. you are doing the right thing! What she chooses to do with that information is her choice.

nespressowoo · 05/04/2019 22:24

I would want to know - so yes tell her.

Xyzzzzz · 05/04/2019 22:29

Tell her. She deserves to know.

whitehalleve · 05/04/2019 22:31

I've told a stranger her husband to be was on a dating site. Zero regrets. He was an arsehole and she deserved to know.

beenwhereyouare · 05/04/2019 22:33

I haven't read the entire thread, but if you've noticed, people who've been cheated on are saying "yes", they'd want to know.
Maybe that should help you decide. And good for you, thinking about her. 🌷

AwdBovril · 05/04/2019 22:34

I would like to know, if I was the wife. Maybe his wife is ok with having an open relationship. If that's the case, she'll not be upset if the OP contacts her, will she.

CandyCreeper · 05/04/2019 23:27

nope

TooManyPuppies · 05/04/2019 23:52

I would want to know but I'm not sure how I would feel if a complete stranger contacted out of the blue. It's probably best to keep out of it.

Agree. A friend perhaps but a complete stranger, no. I would be hesitant to believe some random person that tracked me down and probably a bit concerned about you being a stalker or something. I'd stay out of it in this situation.

TildaTurnip · 06/04/2019 00:01

I would say because her sexual health is at risk and that alone is enough reason.

Tigger001 · 06/04/2019 00:06

I would tell her in a heartbeat but I would probably wait a while if he has a way of finding out its you and knows how to find you.

I hate scumbags who cheat, they are just wasting their partners time and it's the lowest of the low IMO.

Itswinternow · 06/04/2019 00:21

I'd want to know. So I'd tell!

Mrsmummy90 · 06/04/2019 00:31

I'd tell. Glad that you're going to message her. She deserves to know.

Frannibananni · 06/04/2019 01:01

How do you know it was actually him and not someone trying to cause him trouble?

AceOfSpades123 · 06/04/2019 04:40

I would want to know and would be extremely grateful to anyone who told me

NuclearReactor · 06/04/2019 06:13

Definitely tell her! Regardless of whether you are a stranger or not. Send the screenshots to back up what you say otherwise yes, you will look crazy.

I was the 'OW' unknowingly and told the POS fiancé as soon as I realised what was happening. She was obviously very upset but got rid of him. A few months ago she messaged me to thank me as she has now moved in with her new fella and is extremely happy apparently 'all thanks to me'. That was a really good feeling.

NobodysDogsbody · 06/04/2019 06:18

If I knew the couple, absolutely. I think in your case, you have had exchanges with this person and they are clearly not who they say they are, you are not just informing the wife, you are protecting other women online too. I agree with other posters in not sending the evidence unless asked as you may put yourself at risk.

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