Wife is ill and asleep

[pearses]

My wife has been ill for some time. Nothing massively serious, but pretty bad. She started treatment last week and it went wrong, they think something else is in play. We find out tomorrow, Jesus I am fearing the worst. I've no reason too but I just have this sickening feeling. The symptoms all match the worst case scenario - but they also march other things but they symptoms are so severe it seems unlikely to me, but then I no nothing. Sorry for posting here, I don't think I've ever posted but I've been here a long time. I can't tell her because she is in such a positive place, but I know ill not sleep tonight. Also it's not worth my life to wake her.

I'm not really looking advice, just wish there was someone to talk to right now.

I hope the results are a good it come and she can be treated and back on her feet ASAP. You obviously love her incredibly, never apologise for that.

For what it's worth, you aren't a massive dick, you're a wonderful husband that is concerned about your wife.

I pray that everything comes back okay for you x

For both of you

Thanks again everyone, don't really have much of an update as they lost the tests. Bit unbelievable and frustrating but we haven't really got angry, just laughed like it's a carry on film.

The surgery sent them to the hospital and the hospital has no record of them. Repeated the bloods and will have them back in a day or two and see what happens next. She is doing well, bit up and down and her heart rate is constantly crazy high, which is really worrying but over all a lot more positive. We will push for more progress next week.

Again, the messages were nice and helped a lot. We are both calm (on the outside at least!), Reading the stories about other people getting through the same was helpful, so again, thanks for sharing that.

Hello OP been thinking about you and popped back to find out how you and your wife were getting on.

I can't believe they've lost the tests - that's just miserable for you. I really hope the second set come back soon with good news.

Try to relax, I know its really scary especially when there's nothing you can do but wait. Its a nice day for a walk in the sunshine

By the way I think she's so lucky to have such a lovely caring husband

@listsandbudgets thank you for that post - I seen it at the time, but I honestly just wanted this to fade away so I didn't reply.

There is no tumour, it has taken this long to find out, but we got a letter to say there was no significant abnormality (weird / worrying phrasing - you are not significantly abnormal, just a bit - plenty of teasing about that!). They lost the tests, which we repeated, then told us the test was very expensive so had to wait until there were a few people to test at once. Crazy, but it kinda settled us that it couldn't be that serious if they will willing to take their time.

I am sure the people that replied probably won't see this, but thank you all - I was honestly in the worst place I've ever been that night I posted and only I've had a couple of drinks tonight I've the courage to come back to it.

My wife is still extremely ill, has been off work now for 6 months and no end in sight. Another batch of testing coming soon, but while it isn't great, it isn't life threatening / limiting so we are extremely lucky.

She is exhausted all the time, can't manage more than 2 hours out of bed a day and any more just destroys her for days. But her mental health from such a set back / lack of being able to do much is actually really good (everyone always says it must be destroying her / killing her not getting to have a life - that's why I mention it). But she is actually ok mentally but she is really strong so that's no surprise. The anxiety of being off work is probably the worst - if she manages to go for a drink or do something - what if they see a picture and judge her etc. No amount of reassuring is gonna change that at this point, which is a pity as I think it is holding her back a bit from doing some things she could possibly do.

Again, thank you, I realised a couple of days later I think I'd had a panic attack that night, it's never happened before or since so... yeah I'll shut up now.

Do not ‘shut up now’ we all need support, and those caring for others REALLY need support.
We are all still here, and can listen to you for as long as you need.

@NewAndImprovedNorks thank you, I'm honestly all good, I just thought it was right to update and say thank you. Obviously it isn't about me, but you know what I mean

In real life, sure its not all about you.

But on here, that’s different, it is about you.

Wishing you and your wife all the best.

Just read this op. I totally understand your middle of the night panic. Completely understandable. Thankfully it has turned out not to be your worst fear. Hopefully they will get to the bottom of it soon and your wife will feel better soon

Unfortunately it can be really hard to work out what is wrong sometimes, they start with the stuff that is common then start working through rarer causes, alas sometimes despite every test they struggle to find a cause. Hopefully they will get a cause soon so they can help her

@Otterhound Thanks for that, I do appreciate and to be honest most people - and hearing where we are - follow up with "ah it must be really hard on you too". So it's honestly not like I'm forgotten in the whole thing. It can be a little lonely, a bit isolating. I work from home, and while she is home all day too, she is in bed so I can go a weeks without seeing anyone. That is literally the only effect it has on me and only issue I'd have.

But I wouldn't say that in real life, I wouldn't want anything thinking for a second that looking after my wife is a burden and it really isn't.

I need a hobby!

@stucknoue yeah it's been a lang haul with tests. We have a firm diagnosis on part and treatment is under way, but it takes 4-6 months to start working - if it does work. We are 3 months in to that treatment and it has had zero impact, but they will tell us its too early to test.

There is definitely a heart problem and the cardiology appointment has taken ages, but she is up for a 24 hour tape on sat, so hopefully some results. Kinda worried they have her on beta-blockers as I think that will skew the results bring her heart rate down, but I'm also worried about her coming off them. If someone would return our calls it would clear things up.

I hadn’t seen the original post but caught this update. So glad it’s not bad news. I hope things start to improve.

Don’t feel bad about reaching out. Everyone needs to do it sometimes, and although this place can be scary, I do find generally folks are kind when it’s needed.

@Yabbers yeah it can be crazy in Aibu, but I have found the relationship boards fairly reasonable. I've been here for years, kinda talking rubbish now because once again I'm sitting in silence working and slightly tipsy, but I've honestly learned a lot from this place. It's scary when you read about bad traits and recognise some of them in yourself.

So sorry you and your DW are going through this dreadful time.
I haven’t got any useful advice to offer but thinking of you, and more for you both.

@Casperandjasper thank you Casper, I appreciate it. So would she.

Ah OP, you sound lovely. Both of you do. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time.

@Tingface thanks tingface, in fairness it's easy to seem lovely when there's no contraindicating information! But I do really love my wife. She doesn't deserve this, but she is ok. I hate her work though, I really think the fear of being caught looking "well" is holding her back. I understand it though, it's probably unsolvable because the reality it is actually probably true, people can be dicks.

I am up late again, but just wishing your wife well,and to you I wish you not to worry all night. Best wishes to you both

What good news.

But being a carer is hard. Give yourself permission to be tired, or overwhelmed, or even frustrated, scared, and angry. Not with her, but on your own and (if you can afford it financially/time-wise) with a counselor.

How very hard this has been on you OP and your wife.

It is very stressful to see someone you love suffer and feel so helpless.

It would be very helpful to you both for you to mind your mental health.

Getting some fresh air every day in a walk etc. and also seeing if you can connect with friends.

Admitting to friends that you have worries and sharing, releases something within us, and can bring great relief.

Reach out to your GP too.
Everyone needs support.

The best of luck to you both.

You sound lovely and I'm so glad reaching out to Mumsnet was a support in your time of crisis. Your worst fears have not been confirmed, which is a relief. Please take the good advice about coping with the stress of being a carer.

I see it in terms of the oxygen mask routine on planes. They tell you that if someone else is depending on you to put their mask on for them, you must put your own on first. If you don't you might be overcome, in which case both of you will die. Not a perfect analogy but I'm sure you know what I'm getting at.

Thanks for the messages.

Exactly as expected above.... managed to get her convinced to have one night out on friday. It was great, she had a brilliant night - one picture appeared on social media and work called yesterday. If she is fit enough to be out is she not fit for work. She literally slept for 3 days after it and is really suffering from it. Loads of swelling and increased heart rate (probably shouldn't have pushed the night out when I read that back actually). Gonna lodge a complaint with occupation health.

Oh, FFS!