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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Onwards and upwards.

85 replies

katherinez · 12/07/2007 07:03

Well dont know if its too soon for the ADs to be kicking in but today is the first day for as long as I can remember that I havent woken up accompanied by a feeling of complete panic. The knot in my chest is still there, but it is easing. Thought I should create a new thread. 'Is it better to know', was all about my dh and his affair and I need to try to move on from that.

I hope and pray that will lead me to a stronger more commited relationship with my dh, but if not, I will need to move forward on my own. Either way, I need to draw a line under this truly awful time. Maybe jumping the gun here. I know there are plenty of tough days and weeks a head. Even so, just the title of my last thread was making me feel very queasy.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 09:33

Thanks mls. Im gald things are coming together for you.

Just lost the plot again. Trying to get the girls ready for school on my own. Easy in theory but not in practice. DD1 just would not do what I ask. I just lost it. I screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed at her. And she screamed and screamed and screamed back. I feel so guilty. I just completely lost. I was so angry, and she was so angry too.. I did apologise and she hugged me so tight. She is not a cuddly child. Her emotions are mirroring mine. But she doesnt know why. We walked to per school. Rather late, but I did get her there. We both cried all the way there.

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mylittlestar · 13/07/2007 09:42

Oh don't be too hard on yourself. We all have days like that - it's to be expected in the circumstances.

What matters, is the massive hug you both had afterwards. You're all going through a hell of a lot right now and sometimes it does you good to scream and cry and get it all out.
She knows how much you love her. Don't beat yourself up.
Look forward to this evening and think of some lovely things the 3 of you can do to have a special weekend.

{{{hugs}}}

Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 12:09

Thanks mls. She seems ok now. Im just feeling very tired now. I think that the permenant adrenaline rush that ive had for the last 6 weeks is finally starting to ease.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 12:09

I think the ADs are starting to kick in.

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mylittlestar · 13/07/2007 15:53

Well I hope you have a lovely weekend.

I won't get on now probably until Monday but enjoy the weekend and I'll catch up with you next week

Thinking of you xx

Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 16:00

Thanks MLS. Hope you have a great week end too.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:14

I am so bloody angry with him tonight. Spoke to a friend this afternoon. Havent seen her for over a year. She asked me if I could go out tonight. Rang him up at four this afternoon to ask him to "baby sit" his children and he told me he was going out with some mates. So tough. I am so bloody unreasonable coz 4 hours notice is completely ridiculous. He needs at least a day. He has been out every weekend for over a month because I have been off work sick because of all his lies. How much notice does he give me? Sod all. He is a pathetic man. He really is. I cannot believe him. I honestly cant. How dare he. How bloody dare he. His children. His reponsibility? Dont be stupid.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:19

Tell me. Tell me. Think I need to get this pent up anger out of my system. Think maybe I need to go out on the pull.

Is it too soon ? Is it?

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:20

I know im on the rebound but even so. Worth a try? Maybe? Just an idea.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:22

I actually think hes the biggest twat
( excuse my language, dont like to swear but needs must) that I have ever met. What knid of bastard lies to there wife and walks out on his children. Hes pathetic and I can certainly do much better, quite frankly.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:24

Onwards and upwards. Onwards and bloody upwards. Away from that pathetic excuse for a man.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:24

and relax.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:36

Im sure every one in this position says it. But I am just gob smacked. I just did not think he had it in him. I thought he was a decent honest family man. I thought he was. I really did. I am just so disapointed in him. Its not just about me. He really doesnt seem to give to hoots about his little girls at the mo. He thinks he can just walk out on all his responsibilities and that it doesnt matter. What kind of man does that. A pathetic, cowardly, lying, manipulative tosser. That who does that.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:37

Yes I am bloody angry tonight. Did you notice?

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pinkteddy · 13/07/2007 20:42

Hi katherine, posted on your other thread about positive counselling experiences - not read all this thread but didn't want you talking to yourself IKSWIM! hope you're OK, presume your DH has moved out? So sorry. Did the counselling not work out?

moulimoo · 13/07/2007 20:43

hi katherinez. have looked at your post and really feel for you. i found out my dh was having an affair about a month before you found out yours was. its such a sickening feeling and your whole world is upside down, hang in there for your kids. I have 3 under 4.5 and they keep me going, otherwise I would have gone under. hugs x

tribpot · 13/07/2007 20:43

Sorry katherinez - you're obviously having a well-deserved rant against this guy. The only thing I'd suggest next time is not making it optional, i.e. "you've been out so tonight I am, what time can I expect you to arrive to look after the kids?"

Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:45

I know I just have to move on from him. I have to focus on who he has become. He is not my loving husband any more. He is the biggest disapointment of my life. When he said for better for worse, I believed him. Thats why I felt so secure. Because I believed we would work through things together forever.

I have to move on from him. Have too. I can do this. I will be happier without this lying, cheating, pathetic excuse for a man in my life. He has made me ill for gods sake. I have been off work sick for 5 weeks, thinking I was going mad. Thinking that all my flaws had caused my marriage to completely break down before I really knew there was a problem. Thinking it was all my fault. He knew I was sick. He knew everything. Yet he used that time when I wasnt working to lie and cheat.

I dont need a man like that in my life.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:48

I didnt make it optional. I told him I was going out and he would have to look after them. He tried everyone in his family to baby sit. Then he just sent me a text saying he couldnt do it, His sister told him to ring me, which he eventually did, But he hung up on me coz im so bloody unreasonable. aghhhhh.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:50

I went to counselling on my own last week. Very good actually. We are meant to be going together in a week or so. He so pathetic though. Hes just lying to everyone. He cant face the reality of what hes done. So I dont think counselling will help much at the mo. Hes just a cheat. Plain and simple.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:51

He moved out on saturday after I caught him using his phone. He was going to leave wednesday, just gone, If I hadnt found out I would have spent the next 20 years thinking the split was because of everything I had done wrong. He is a big fat coward.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:53

Moulimoo, You definately have your hands full. Two seems like plenty. Have things got much better over the last month. I have picked up[ a lot but its still such early days.

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Original poster
katherinez · 13/07/2007 20:54

Yes I am ranting. I am definately ranting.

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tribpot · 13/07/2007 20:58

Sounds like it's definitely worth keeping going with the counselling on your own, you could get a lot out of that. He didn't need to exhaust all of his family possibilities for babysitting, he could quite easily have done it himself, after all.

You sound pretty resolute, and good on you. Far better than wasting your life.

pinkteddy · 13/07/2007 21:59

so sorry to hear that katherine . I would keep on with the counselling even if he doesn't come. Maybe get some legal advice to see where you stand - may make you feel better? And set something up with childcare eg: at least one evening mid week and part of the weekends? Then hopefully he'll be less likely renege on it and let you down?