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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy his reaction

66 replies

Pregnantbitscared88 · 31/03/2019 07:49

Hi all me and bf have been together forever 10 months both have one child each from previous relationships.

Found out in pregnant shocked to say least and unsure of bfs reaction

I had told him period was late and I was worried. He was worried working yday when I Did test so obv didn’t wanna ringband say over the phone. When he got home from work he went on and on about it but my DD was there so I didn’t want to say. When I did tell him he was shocked it took him 20 mins to hug me he didn’t reassure me things would be ok.

Our living situation is complicated he lives with his brother and they own the house together I rent a tiny two bed. He said I would have to get a bigger house and I said oh so your moving in with me and he said well I’d like to but I have to see what my brother wants to do....I told him that he shouldnt have to worry about his 50 yr old brother.

Then he said I’m still going to ** (which is a week long lads holiday in June which is gonna cost him £1000s) I was annoyed at this because why is that one of the only things you’d worry about.

He then said that I need to stop making this all about me that he matters too. I told him that unlike lads holidays I’ve one child already and another hopefully that I have to worry about and make sure they have a nice comfortable home and it didn’t seem that was something he was concerned about. Then he start shouting how I was wrong and if that what’s I think of him we should break up....

Then when I said I was tired he started laughing saying you’re so dramatic you’ll be the most annoying pregnant person

His reaction has made me uneasy or am I just being a hormonal mess

(The only nice thing he said was well this was always out plan it’s just happened a bit sooner)

OP posts:
Windygate · 31/03/2019 07:53

Are you willing and able to bring up two children on your own? He's telling you who he is, listen carefully.

LovingLola · 31/03/2019 07:56

I agree with Windygate.

LovingLola · 31/03/2019 07:57

Do you work ?

category12 · 31/03/2019 07:58

Sounds like you're going to be a single mum of two. You might want to consider your options.

MrPickles73 · 31/03/2019 08:00

I would listen to the advice you are getting from the above posters..

MadeForThis · 31/03/2019 08:10

Fatherhood isn't new to him if you both have dc from previous relationships. He doesn't want to change his life for you or the baby.

How often does he see his dc? What sort of relationship do they have?

This will show you what type of father and partner he will be.

To be honest he sounds like a shit.

NotTheFordType · 31/03/2019 08:12

OK. So he's made it very clear he's not going to parent his child with you.

Are you up for single parenthood?

AuntMarch · 31/03/2019 08:18

Actually I think it's a bit quick to judge if that was all before it had time to sink in.
When I took my pregnancy test and worked out the dates my first thought was that I was meant to be away that weekend I was due! Obviously that really wasn't important in the long run it's just that if anyone else had known that I would have seemed disappointed that a baby would be getting in the way of a piss up when actually I am over the moon.
He DOES have to consider his brother if they own the house together too.

I'd give a lot more weight to the way he speaks about it all when it's sunk in a bit.

AuntMarch · 31/03/2019 08:19

I'm interested to know where a week's holiday costs one person thousands though.

whiteroseredrose · 31/03/2019 08:20

Think hard about this. If you continue this pregnancy you will be permanently stuck with having to see this loser. Or be a single parent.

It's only been 10 months. You didn't really know him until now. But you're seeing his true colours.

In your shoes I'd terminate the pregnancy and the relationship, sorry.

MrPickles73 · 31/03/2019 08:23

Tbh I wouldn't necessarily condemn him as a loser. He's already got one child and lives with his brother. He has gF for 10 months who accidentally gets pregnant. What would you expect him to say?

LemonTT · 31/03/2019 08:42

At the moment he is your boyfriend of a few months. You aren’t in a committed relationship with him so you probably need to consider seriously whether or how you can be a single mother of 2.
At best he is wavering, not offering additional commitments but indicating he isn’t adverse to you having his child. But that might mean he is ok with being a weekend father.

You have some serious thinking to do about this and how it impacts on your daughter. He isn’t the important one in this, she is.

ukgift2016 · 31/03/2019 08:46

So how did you 'accidentally' get pregnant.

lunabody · 31/03/2019 09:04

Sounds like he was in shock and didn't engage his brain before he opened his mouth about the holiday and living arrangements.

The comment about you being annoying was shit, but people can be incredibly thoughtless and insensitive when they're consumed with their own feelings. If it's a pattern, it's worrying, if it's a one off, don't dwell on it too much. Talk again when it's all sunk in and see if he's switched his brain on and is a nice person again (assuming he normally is??). Also - congratulations!

lunabody · 31/03/2019 09:05

Oh fuck - just re-read the original post and clicked the shouting

lunabody · 31/03/2019 09:06

*clocked the shouting.

Not good. Really not good. If he's not massively apologetic then run for the hills.

MrPickles73 · 31/03/2019 09:09

Well it seems like your expectation is you will now Co habit. And he didn't seem against that but said he had to check with his brother (fair enough if they live together). I think you're expecting quote a lot of this chap if you have only been seeing him for 10 months and there were no plans for living together / having a family etc.
If out of the blue I told my husband I was pregnant I can't say he would be too delighted (nor i!)

Original poster
Pregnantbitscared88 · 31/03/2019 09:16

I was on the pill...took it properly I’m so confused how this has happened

He’s going to Vegas so has said he’ll need £2/3k for gambling

OP posts:
category12 · 31/03/2019 09:21

Wow.

My personal values wouldn't match with a guy who'd happily gamble £2/3K.

MrPickles73 · 31/03/2019 09:48

Maybe it's the trip of a lifetime for him? The point is it doesn't sound like he's desperate to live with you or start a family with you. Fact.
You need to consider whether you want to and are able to sustain a family of three.

Original poster
Pregnantbitscared88 · 31/03/2019 11:01

He has been before he is well travelled.

I said to him this morning that I don’t want him to resent me for having to move in etc and his reply was I feel you’re getting cold feet about us and don’t want to be together....wtaf?!?!

OP posts:
MrPickles73 · 31/03/2019 11:12

Maybe give it a rest for a couple of days and discussing it again when you've both had time to think about it. It's a lot to take in.

PicsInRed · 31/03/2019 11:35

You can conceive on the pill if taking certain antibiotics, or if you've vomited (so vomited the pill up) IIRC. It's also not quite 100% effective.

Agree with previous posters, he's telling you how it will be and where you and baby will figure in his priorities (below gambling and boozing with mates).

Unfortunately, it's going to be single mumhood, or considering options. From the sounds of him, I'd be worried whether his involvement will make it more difficult than just being a single mum.

What's he like with his ex, the mother of his other child? Is she "psycho"? Does she "keep his child away from him"? Does he pay child support willingly, or is she "taking all his money"? That will also give you some answers.

HollowTalk · 31/03/2019 11:39

I agree with the others, unfortunately. If you have this child you'll be bringing him/her up alone and have a lifelong connection to this man. Are you prepared to do that? I have to say I wouldn't be.

stacktherocks · 31/03/2019 13:16

Have you decided to proceed with the pregnancy OP or are you weighing things up? That’d help to know. Your post kinda implies to me that you’re going ahead with it but I wanted to check. Not sure many women would immediately know for sure they want to carry a pregnancy with a new guy or less than a year when they already have a child with someone else and are in a less than solid financial position.

Do you work? How do you support yourself?

Even with the best will in the world if he’d been delighted and supportive it’s still only a slim chance such a tenuous new relationship would long term survive throwing a baby into the mix so early on when you are already parents with other people. His response says quite clearly to me he doesn’t want this child.

So are you willing to have the baby as a single parent if so?