Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy his reaction

66 replies

Pregnantbitscared88 · 31/03/2019 07:49

Hi all me and bf have been together forever 10 months both have one child each from previous relationships.

Found out in pregnant shocked to say least and unsure of bfs reaction

I had told him period was late and I was worried. He was worried working yday when I Did test so obv didn’t wanna ringband say over the phone. When he got home from work he went on and on about it but my DD was there so I didn’t want to say. When I did tell him he was shocked it took him 20 mins to hug me he didn’t reassure me things would be ok.

Our living situation is complicated he lives with his brother and they own the house together I rent a tiny two bed. He said I would have to get a bigger house and I said oh so your moving in with me and he said well I’d like to but I have to see what my brother wants to do....I told him that he shouldnt have to worry about his 50 yr old brother.

Then he said I’m still going to ** (which is a week long lads holiday in June which is gonna cost him £1000s) I was annoyed at this because why is that one of the only things you’d worry about.

He then said that I need to stop making this all about me that he matters too. I told him that unlike lads holidays I’ve one child already and another hopefully that I have to worry about and make sure they have a nice comfortable home and it didn’t seem that was something he was concerned about. Then he start shouting how I was wrong and if that what’s I think of him we should break up....

Then when I said I was tired he started laughing saying you’re so dramatic you’ll be the most annoying pregnant person

His reaction has made me uneasy or am I just being a hormonal mess

(The only nice thing he said was well this was always out plan it’s just happened a bit sooner)

OP posts:

MadameAnchou · 31/03/2019 13:24

He doesn't want to move in with you. He won't. He's telling you who he is. You will be a lone parent to this baby. If that's what you want, carry on with the pregnancy but he's not going to do what you want.

Original poster

Pregnantbitscared88 · 31/03/2019 16:43

Hi guys thanks for all the replies

I will be having this baby with or without him I have a very good job so am not concerned about money. We spoke about the holiday and he made me feel like I was being unreasonable expecting him not to go. He doesn’t seem to be taking into account that while yes I understand this effects him but right now the big effect is on me (meaning me stopping drinking not going on planned things that involve alcohol) but al his plans are staying exactly as they were

OP posts:

MadameAnchou · 31/03/2019 17:01

I don't see why you have an issue with his going on the planned holiday in June. It's not his fault you can't drink. That's pretty controlling of you, you'll be a long way from due date and he planned it ages ago.

10 months is no time at all to have been together, much less force a blended family situation on your existing kids.

As you're fine with going it alone just carry on as you are. He doesn't want to move out of his house and quite honestly, if I were him, I wouldn't, either.

DarlingLittleBabyName · 31/03/2019 17:06

a lot of good advice from previous posters OP. you have two children now, i'd focus on that. pay attention to your partner in the upcoming weeks, is he ready to be a good father? will he support you? from what I'm getting, doesn't sound like it. do what's best for you and your children OP. good luck x

category12 · 31/03/2019 17:06

You are being unreasonable expecting him not to go on a pre-booked holiday. You've only been together 10 months - that you've got pregnant shouldn't force you into fast-forwarding your relationship into something more serious, when it might not work long-term.

That said, personally, i couldn't be doing with someone who would happily gamble away thousands.

labazsisgoingmad · 31/03/2019 17:09

lads holiday? sounds like he needs to grow up and take his responsibilities seriously but sadly dont think he will got a strong feeling you will be a single parent sorry if this is not what you want to hear

starzig · 31/03/2019 17:10

You can't stop him going on a holiday he has planned. That is pure selfish. And 2-3k is normal for holiday spends. Whether it be gambling, drinking, hikes, tourist attractions doesn't really matter it is just holiday spends.

MadameAnchou · 31/03/2019 17:20

What's wrong with a lad's holiday? I went on a cruise with a group of all female mates from uni, just us women, and we're all in our late 40s.

Order654 · 31/03/2019 17:20

Your be a single mum to 2 within a year or 2.

His reaction tells you everything.

CitrusDreams · 31/03/2019 17:21

How old are he and you?
It's not sounding great - he sounds awful, irresponsible and a horrible person with that "perhaps we should break up" overreaction over a little disagreement. Maybe he said the same thing to his previous gf with their child and that's why they broke up. These people won't change.

Amongstthetallgrass · 31/03/2019 17:26

Oh Jesus he sounds like my ex!

That uneasy feeling was gut warning you what your about to get in to with this pillock.

Original poster

Pregnantbitscared88 · 31/03/2019 22:08

Another chat tonight and you’re right I’m in this alone

OP posts:

Original poster

Pregnantbitscared88 · 31/03/2019 22:08

We are mid 30s btw

OP posts:

MadameAnchou · 31/03/2019 22:15

Well, you got your second baby so there's result there, but it's unsurprising he's not going to buy into the happy blended family fantasy, especially this early on.

Original poster

Pregnantbitscared88 · 31/03/2019 22:17

‘You got your second baby’ not really sure what you meant by that comment

OP posts:

stanski · 31/03/2019 22:31

I'm confused as to what the problem is with him going on his lads holiday.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 31/03/2019 22:33

I think youre mad to continue it’s hard enough with one child on you’re own but two with two different fathers contact etc and the drama that comes with it.

PinkiOcelot · 31/03/2019 22:34

The hipocrisy on this thread is amazing. Yes this was a planned holiday, but it’s going to cost a fortune and if he was a decent guy, he’d forgo the holiday without OP expecting him to. Babies are expensive!
How did your talk go tonight OP?

Snappedandfarted2019 · 31/03/2019 22:34

I also agree you don’t have a right to tell him he cannot go on a pre existing holiday that was booked prior to you being pregnant.

inlectorecumbit · 31/03/2019 22:50

I am so sorry that your talk tonight didn't go too well.
Please consider your options carefully. A single mother of 2 DC. It is totally doable but will be difficult. However do consider if you want to be tied to this twat for the rest of your days...
How old is your DD?

Obsidian77 · 31/03/2019 22:58

Can't understand the oh but he's planned his holiday BS.
Yes, and now he's found out his GF is pregnant.
That he can't or won't even consider changing his plans tells you everything about his priorities.
Sorry op

MrPickles73 · 31/03/2019 23:05

Yes but GF of 10 months... if they were already living together or there was a clear intention of long term commitment that would be different?

Original poster

Pregnantbitscared88 · 31/03/2019 23:09

It’s the cost of the holiday that I think he should reconsider...I have had things planned that now because I realise I’m gonna have an extra little person in responsible for I’m gonna have to not do.

He came up with the idea of still living separately and he’d come see us as much as possible like 80% of the time. I will have no problem him seeing his child but I think we are worth more than that. He obv doesn’t see a future so there’s no real point continuing. I don’t want to terminate my baby it’s as simple as that and I don’t feel I have to explain why. I’m sad that I am gonna have two kids to two diff dads and two failed relationships but I hope I can write on here next Mother’s day and say what a wonderful day I’ll have had with my two babies. Trying to look at the positives

OP posts:

lovinglifexo · 31/03/2019 23:17

you’ve been together less that a year wow

did u get pregnant deliberately ?

Gruzinkerbell1 · 31/03/2019 23:17

Looking forward to seeing that update next year OP. You’ll be okay

Flip

1 2 3