WWYD - DH and I argument. Dinner Party tonight

[StellaRae]

Need urgent advice. DH and I had massive argument last night which continued this morning. This is off the back of weeks of bickering and arguing. In a nutshell, things not good.

We are supposed to be going to friends for dinner this evening. Us, another couple and the hosts. DH said I should decide whether we go or not and he's not happy either way WTF?!

Hate to let people down but equally don't want to ruin it by tension or even argument after a few drinks.

If I was hosting I wouldn't want friends round who were obviously having problems - most of us are not Oscar winning actors and it would be obvious and awkward for all. Suggest OP that you and your partner stay home and have a serious talk about things

@StellaRae, I would go alone, but give him the option of joining you.

I think RedHatsDoNotSuitMe has the best response:

Actually, I'd be saying to DH "well,I'mgoing, and I'm going to have a good time. You're welcome to come with me but I expect you to behave and not spoil the atmosphere with your attitude"

Hope things work out for you.

Lol Mmmmbekki, I've been to both and I only go to the first ones now.

I hate it when I have friends over who are clearly not getting on. It does sour the evening. I think I'd rather they cancelled and came over another time.

I like the suggestions of as your dh has said its your choice, that you choose to go alone. I'd do that I think. Or, if you don't want to go alone, use this evening to have a chat about what is going on between you, as you say its been going on for a while.

You have all day to sort this out.

They don’t. Unfair to let hosts know at the last minute. The sooner the better

I meant they have all day to sort the argument out, not whether they are going to dinner or not.

Depends what the rows have been about. To have been rowing for weeks on end isn't right surely? Do t go if you don't feel you and dp can be social without ruining it for the others. The hosts will survive to hold another dinner party.

We have friends who we used to see quite a lot as a couple who loathe each other. They bicker/argue all the fucking time and I hate it.

I see my mate (wife) quite a lot but no one socialises with them as a couple because it's so unpleasant.

I hope you manage to resolve it before tonight. Good luck.

I'd go. DH and I have been in this situation before and actually seeing him being funny and interesting in front of our friends (and hopefully seeing me the same way) usually softens the bad feeling we have toward each other. It also forces people to stop sulking.

But that would depend on whether the bedrock of your relationship is okay, or if you have bigger issues.

I would go. I agree with flingingmelon, I've only been in this situation very occasionally, but I find that seeing the person as they are with other people seems to help soften the angry feelings. But it depends what this is about. If something massive has happened then that's not going to work.

If you can't trust your husband not to kick off in company though, that changes things. Best behaviour or not at all.

DH absolves himself of responsibility for the decision about tonight and gets to be unhappy about it either way - what's that about??

Go and take a friend.

I'm on the 'go but don't drink' camp.

OP, I think it very much depends if this is an argument or potentially the end of your relationship. It is rude to cancel on the day, particularly if it's just a silly argument that's got out of hand. However, if this is the end for you and your DH, I'm sure your friends will understand if they are good friends.

Thank you so much for all your replies. Arguments have been about communication issues and different opinions about whether I quit my job or not l. I don't think it's the end of the road for us but we need a long conversation and to agree on better communication and more understanding and kindness.
We've agreed to talk calmly (fingers crossed) this afternoon. Atm Im thinking that I will go to dinner party and hopefully he will join.Will let you know how it pans out. Thanks again x

DrM I'm interested, trivial to you maybe, but not everyone else.

DrMorbius - thanks for making me smile at your daft response. Not sure why you felt compelled to reply at all. It seems that plenty of people do give a f&ck and are happy to reply for which I'm very grateful.
Lots of us use this site to seek objective advice for what may seem to be trivial problems.
Perhaps "urgent advice" was slightly melodramatic but that's usually excusable in times of heightened emotions.

Thanks to all of you who gave a f&ck - really appreciate it.

Lots of people argue with their partners and privately wonder am I BU or is he? Sometimes its good to get an outside opinion. I find it quite helpful actually to see different PoV on the same question. Best of luck tonight Stella.

Hope you get it sorted OP and have a good evening xx

So what will you do?

Good luck op hope you can get back on an even keel again

How did you get on?

Had a long talk in the afternoon which helped clear the air a bit. I think it's going to be a work in progress but it's a start. We both went last night and it went fine. Thanks again - really needed all your advice yesterday

Hope you went and both enjoyed it OP.

Glad you are starting to get back on track op.