WWYD - DH and I argument. Dinner Party tonight

[StellaRae]

Need urgent advice. DH and I had massive argument last night which continued this morning. This is off the back of weeks of bickering and arguing. In a nutshell, things not good.

We are supposed to be going to friends for dinner this evening. Us, another couple and the hosts. DH said I should decide whether we go or not and he's not happy either way WTF?!

Hate to let people down but equally don't want to ruin it by tension or even argument after a few drinks.

Tell me you are still going and it's up to him if he joins you?

Honestly I think you should go, put a brave face on it and try and resolve your differences tomorrow. I hope you can sort it out.

Of course you shouldn't cancel. I'd be really pissed off if one go my guests cancelled our dinner party tonight just because they'd had a row with their partner (now that I've bought food/cooked).

Just sort it out.

Given he's placed the burden of deciding upon you - with negative consequences eitehr way - the only logical choice is for you to decide for yourself and let him decide for himself.

So tell him you are going and you think the decent, polite, mature thing would be for him to go with you, drink very little and behave well but whether he does that or feigns illness is up to him.

I've recently started overly apologising to DH when we have arguments like this. Not always because I am sorry...but because I love messing with his mind ha ha...

Seriously though life really is too short. I hope you get it sorted out.

I'm in the camp of don't go unless you can be civil. Would hate to host friends and there be an atmosphere at my table when is supposed to be fun

I agree with those saying go on your own.

Actually, I'd be saying to DH "well, I'm going, and I'm going to have a good time. You're welcome to come with me but I expect you to behave and not spoil the atmosphere with your attitude"

And, as others have said, sort it out.

Enjoy your night.

I really want to come to the dinner party now

opps. x post with lottiegarbanzo who said it better than me!

Go along and act normal. Not going would be unfair to your hosts, who will have incurred expense and possibly started food prep, and the other guests.

Have been in this situation in the past with relationship problems: found it very hard, on top of the distress of the problems, to be in company and act normal, it felt false and lonely. Didn’t feel able to tell mutual, local friends about the situation. So I declined invitations and avoided hosting. Sadly this had a negative impact on some friendships, but helped my mental health at a difficult time.

“Life is too short” is trite - we don’t know what OP and her H’s issues are, am sure they don’t want to be struggling and arguing. Changing things isn’t as simple as just resolving to forgive/set things aside.

It depends if the argument was very serious and/or if it's make or break time.

If not then I'd probably just go with an agreement to not bicker in front of the others and resume the debate tomorrow, if further things still need to be said.

I have experienced this & would just clear the air & go.

If neither of you wants to apologise, you just say let's agree to differ and not let this ruin the rest of the weekend.

I have actually arrived at Dinner Parties with DP when we were barely speaking to each other, but after wine & good company we were fine again.

just make up and go

Yeah you should go, your hosts will have bought food in and maybe done some prep so its rude to cancel

Do you feel like making up with him?

@Loopytiles my life is too short comment just mirrors what the OP said in her last post. She herself said lifes too short!

I would never trivialise someone issues.

Nah I stand by life's too short.

If you're not happy together leave then but one argument shouldn't spoil a weekend.

It doesn't in this house anyway. Too old for shit these days.

There are so many variables here Stella, its hard to think of best solution.
Are the friends really close friends who love you no matter what or are they parents of kids at school who might enjoy the entertainment of your conflict?
Can you trust DH to behave without any meaningful mutterings or cutting comments which will flag up the tension to the whole table.

Dinner parties are fun when everything is going well and all the guests are in tune, but if not you can't move about or quietly step out of a convo without everyone noticing as you could at a less formal gathering and in some cases you can be trapped, especially if someone starts an awkward conversation and everyone is incredibly interested to hear what unfolds. I've been to some of those too and its a "Beam me up Scottie" moment.
Maybe the best thing is to try to - warn the hosts right now that it might just be you as Dh is not feeling great but you will know more if he has a nice rest today in case they might they want to invite someone else.
Have an airclearing chat with him today and if you can see it won't work, go on your own and tell them all he's been in the loo all day - no further explaination will be asked for and only one place lost, whch happens all the time when hosting. You might both benefit from an evening apart.
I hope you can work it out and both attend and enjoy yourself though OP. Best of luck xx

What is the argument about OP?

You decide what you want to do. He's old enough to make his own decisions. Don't let him hold you responsible for how the evening pans out.

OP has said it’s not one argument, it’s been several weeks. Doesn’t sound minor.

I agree she and her H should attend the evening at their friend’s.

When I read this makes me so glad I’m divorced

I remember this.... arguments that then ruined the weekend and messed up others peoples plans due to us cancelling.

Relief not to be in yours shoes.

I’d cancel but be honest with them

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff

Are the friends really close friends who love you no matter what or are they parents of kids at school who might enjoy the entertainment of your conflict?

Good grief, if they were the latter I’d have no qualms about cancelling!

Why should you have to decide?

He knows that if you go the atmosphere might be spoilt but also that tocancel now would be very rude so he’s put the decision in your hands just so that he can hold it over you and make it your fault if you get a negative outcome from that decision.

You have all day to sort this out.

Decide if you want to be together, if you do then work out the pointless arguments and go enjoy your evening.

You have all day to sort this out.

They don’t. Unfair to let hosts know at the last minute. The sooner the better

Given that you state you have been arguing for weeks, it sounds a bit more serious than kiss and make up, yes?

I would advise hosts now that you won't be able to come, and then sit down and decide what you both want to do going forward.

Agree with PP that life is too short to live like this.