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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Situation with boyfriend

96 replies

HouseHelp2019 · 22/03/2019 07:04

Hello,

I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for five and a half years. We don’t live together.

He has never mentioned moving in together in the past.

He has now seen a house he wants to buy. It is essentially his dream house. Unfortunately, it is £100k over his budget. He has been trying to get finance for it formhimself.

This has been going on for a couple of weeks. Having spoken to a number of IFAs, it is clear that he can’t afford it on his own.

He has now mentioned to me that we should buy it together.

I’m not particularly keen. I feel like I’ve only been asked as a last resort. It’s his dream house not mine. It’s not even clear whether he just wants me to buy it with him but it still be ‘his’ house.

Also, I worry what would happen if we split up.

I’ve no idea what to do! The property goes to auction next week so I don’t have a lot of time to decide.

OP posts:

UserFran43 · 25/03/2019 11:58

In short. Run for the hills.

You are worth so much more than this blokes pipedream.

Original poster

HouseHelp2019 · 25/03/2019 12:59

I have told him it’s a no. He seemed to take it quite well. I told him that he was only asking me as a last resort which he acknowledged. He also did say that he needs a push to do something (ie moving in together) and that this was his push.

I asked him if he would want to move in together if not for the house. He said it would depend on the house.

When I said that I think we were starting from the wrong place he said we needed to find out whether we would like to live together at some point.

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 25/03/2019 13:40

Oh HouseHelp2019, I really hope this goes well for you.

I can't imagine continuing in a relationship with him after he said 'depends on the house'.

Please dig deep and see how you deserve so much more from a partner All the best

HollowTalk · 25/03/2019 13:51

Oh god, don't live with him. I'm depressed just reading about him.

Happynow001 · 25/03/2019 14:06

I asked him if he would want to move in together if not for the house. He said it would depend on the house.

I'm glad you said No to him but perhaps you should also be saying No to the whole relationship. Really, what positives are YOU getting from it? He sounds cold emotionally and doesn't seem to have your interests at heart. This man doesn't care for you - he just wants what he wants.

It really is time to stop over-investing in this "relationship" as you are holding yourself back from a normal, equal partnership with someone else in the future.

Original poster

HouseHelp2019 · 25/03/2019 18:01

I think part of me feels bad because I do want a normal relationship and to move in with my partner. However, not under these circumstances.

OP posts:

ErrmWTAF · 25/03/2019 18:15

Good for you, HH19 - know your own worth. And it's several billion X what he's got going for him.

Hidingtonothing · 25/03/2019 18:38

In the nicest possible way I want to shake you OP! Why on earth are you even entertaining the idea that his unenthusiastic, meh attitude to the prospect of living with you is anything approaching good enough for you? If someone really wants to do something they will push past fears and insecurities, or at the very least be demonstratively, actively trying to do all they can to overcome their issues, he is doing neither.

The fact that a house he can't afford is what has eventually motivated him to move your relationship on further than an inch would hurt me massively and I'm not sure how you move on from that tbh.

Original poster

HouseHelp2019 · 25/03/2019 19:18

Oh and now he’s being a bit arse with me. Figures!

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 25/03/2019 19:19

It would depend on the house!?

God, don’t move in with him.

GetStrongKeepFighting · 25/03/2019 19:44

Are you going to let him carry on ? .

Cherrysoup · 25/03/2019 19:50

I asked him if he would want to move in together if not for the house. He said it would depend on the house.

Wtaf? Designed to make you run away. Quickly. What a totally horrible way to put something. Zero empathy.

pootyisabadcat · 27/03/2019 14:30

Get rid of him, House.

BumbleBeee69 · 27/03/2019 14:40

You did the right thing OP, his arsey behaviour now proves you did the right thing, he's a cheeky fucker right enough

I hope your Mum is okay OP

saccade · 27/03/2019 15:17

For the past few months I’ve been working up to ending it

Stop working up to it! Just end it! You don’t need his or anyone’s permission!

Also, he is quite unemotional as he was hurt in the past and has issues with ‘letting people in

Excellent - the one situation in which this is a great advantage as you won’t need to worry about his reaction!

I do want a normal relationship and to move in with my partner

Good! But this normal relationship will not be with him! He is incapable! Stop wasting your time!

Dieu · 27/03/2019 15:28

Unless this relationship is for life (or as much as it can be!) - and you love the house (have you viewed it?) - then I wouldn't take this step.

Mistybee · 27/03/2019 16:57

Does this relationship have anything good going for it?

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 27/03/2019 17:03

I thought he was iffy before you posted the 'depends on the house' comment.
Now I just think end it now, follow your gut, this isn't going anywhere.

YogaWannabe · 27/03/2019 17:15

I wouldn’t even stay in a relationship with him let alone even consider living with him.
You deserve better, get rid.

Andyjakeydan · 27/03/2019 17:21

No no no no no way....tough luck if he can’t afford it innit....i want a Bentley but i can’t afford it so that’s just tough too !!

ohfourfoxache · 27/03/2019 18:14

Might be a good opportunity to dump him.....

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