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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Not speaking to my daughter

61 replies

Atkinson1910 · 20/03/2019 17:48

It is 4.5 years since I last saw or spoke to my daughter. She just wouldnt see my grand daughters for 2 years and I missed out on their lives. Then her ex husband decided that I was needed in their lives. It was good at first and we set up a babysitting time of once per month, always staying at my house. Then it drifted because they were so busy. No I hardly see them at all. I'm not sure how to sort this situation out. I have text her ex husband and the girls are always doing things and have no time for me. It is when it is convenient to them both. I have text and phoned her in the past and she hasnt answered. I want to see the girls but I dont care if I dont see her again as I dont even like her. Sorry this is my daughter and I dont like her. Any ideas. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:

Original poster

Atkinson1910 · 20/03/2019 17:51

Whoops, I ment to say, She wouldnt let me see my grand daughters for 2 years.

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 20/03/2019 17:53

Well the fact you don’t like her is probably the reason you don’t see her.

My mum doesn’t like me guess what she has never met her grandson. My Ds will not have him see me treated badly

Duchessgummybuns · 20/03/2019 17:57

Yeah I think I know why she won’t let you see your granddaughters OP

Isth · 20/03/2019 17:58

Don’t be a twat OP, it’s very obvious and understandable as to why you don’t see your grandchildren. You despise their mother.

GetStrongKeepFighting · 20/03/2019 17:58

If you don't like the daughter there's no way you should see the kids.

My mother wants access to my kids but given she abandoned me as a baby. No Fuckin* Way.

Gazelda · 20/03/2019 18:03

The GC don't seem interested either way. So Why should she persuade them to spend time with someone with open dislike.

Bookworm4 · 20/03/2019 18:04

Must be a long backstory to this.

Ellisandra · 20/03/2019 18:13

She doesn’t like you, so why would she want you to see them?

Was her husband already an ex husband when he was setting up this babysitting?

Ellisandra · 20/03/2019 18:13

Sorry, I meant - you don’t like her.

Roscommonet · 20/03/2019 18:15

Gigantic backstory

gamerchick · 20/03/2019 18:18

If you dont like her then why would she let you in their lives?

I agree there must be some backstory and I would like to hear her side tbh.

blueskiesovertheforest · 20/03/2019 18:23

Nope, you won't see your granddaughters if you don't like or care about your daughter, obviously. Presumably you were and are a dreadful parent? Why would you get to be a grandmother to the children when you don't care about your own child at all?

mrsk28 · 20/03/2019 18:26

My mother expects to be able to see my soon to be born baby despite disliking myself and my husband. Obviously never going to happen, you can't bypass the parents and see their kids.

I don't understand why you would want to see the children of someone you dislike?

GertrudeCB · 20/03/2019 18:33

Fill in all the missing information and I will give my opinion .

Morgan12 · 20/03/2019 18:40

Yeah more info needed. Why don't you like her?

azulmariposa · 20/03/2019 18:43

You don't like her, yet you want access to her children? Why? You have no legal right to see them. And really if I was her and my mum was so horrible I wouldn't let her see my children either.

Whocansay · 20/03/2019 19:32

More info is needed here OP. The reason you fell out and don't like her would make a big difference.

Could there be a reason that they have stopped coming? Are you bad mouthing her around her children?

If you want to see her children, you need to make up with your DD. I wouldn't want my children spending time with someone that didn't like me either.

RhubarbTea · 20/03/2019 19:34

Is this a reverse? Why don't you like her?

LaughingCow99 · 20/03/2019 19:39

There has to be a good reason you don't like your daughter. What is it? Maybe it's justified, maybe not. They are her children at the end of the day. I have a friend whose daughter uses her young daughter (my friend's granddaughter) as a pawn, allowing her mother to see her grandchild when she gives her money and does as she is told and goes on lockdown if her mother stands up to her. Awful situation. I've told my friend she needs to walk away and she has reluctantly agreed. It's not easy but sometimes for the best.

OKBobble · 20/03/2019 19:46

It probably doesn't help your cause to be dealing with her ex either!

nespressowoo · 20/03/2019 19:51

Is this a reverse?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 20/03/2019 19:54

Easy. No relationship with the adult no relationship with the child.

PepsiLola · 20/03/2019 19:59

No one, who is not nice to or about me, would have ANY right to spend time with my children.

And frankly if my own blood was texting my exH to get around me, I would go NC.

SoyDora · 20/03/2019 20:03

To be honest if my mum openly disliked me I wouldn’t be in any rush to facilitate contact with my children either.

Frenchmontana · 20/03/2019 20:28

Hmmm. Odd post.

I am NC with my parents. Who keep in contact with my exh. The man that abused me and they know he did. But dont think it was that bad and I was over reacting.

My mother doesnt much like me either. Never has. I was the baby that was meant to save her marriage. She stopped taking the pill didn't tell my dad and the marriage broke up anyway. I didn't fulfill my role as she wanted. She would have preferred to just have my older brother. She doesnt believe I have always know it, she thinks she hides her contempt of me really well. I grew up knowing this, so dont have any feelings of love or affection for her.

She thinks she has rights to see my kids too. And she gets to, because exh knows I hate it so arranges it on his time. She is helping him carry on his attempts at abuse.

In short, she is cunt. She doesnt deserve to know my kids.

I am glad in your case, the exh has at least stepped away.

You reap what you sow, op.

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