Not speaking to my daughter

[Atkinson1910]

It is 4.5 years since I last saw or spoke to my daughter. She just wouldnt see my grand daughters for 2 years and I missed out on their lives. Then her ex husband decided that I was needed in their lives. It was good at first and we set up a babysitting time of once per month, always staying at my house. Then it drifted because they were so busy. No I hardly see them at all. I'm not sure how to sort this situation out. I have text her ex husband and the girls are always doing things and have no time for me. It is when it is convenient to them both. I have text and phoned her in the past and she hasnt answered. I want to see the girls but I dont care if I dont see her again as I dont even like her. Sorry this is my daughter and I dont like her. Any ideas. Thank you for reading.

Op means opening poster. If you want to pursue contact with your grandchildren you will need to contact their parents. Grandparents plus is a charity that has experience and info you may find useful.

Do you thought a load of strangers would agree that she should let you see kids, even though openly admit you dont like her?

The story doesnt take too long. You could say

She stole off me
Is a drug user
Beats people up
Committed fraud again my mum/dad/sister

Or whatever. You give no context but want people to feel bad that the daughter you dont like, wont have anything to do with you.

And what does OP mean?

You've been on MN for 15 months, although you haven't posted much. But you've been called OP on at least one of your first threads in December 2017 and you didn't question it then, so I think you know full well what it means and you must have read enough threads in that time to know what you were going to get by posting that particular sentence.

I agree with the OP..such vitriol from allegedly ‘mature’ adults.

Those concerned should be ashamed of yourselves

No vitriol here. But surely you can see that it would be a toxic environment for your DGC if their DGM and their DM (her DD) hate each other? Either try and build bridges with your DD (what has she done that is so unforgivable?) or put your DGC first and stay away.

Your DGC will pick up on this and it will potential really damage them.

@Itsallpointless But the OP talks about "all of that vitriol and foul language". Where? I genuinely only read one comment that had any swearing in it and it's actually relatively placid compared to a lot of threads.

Those concerned should be ashamed of themseleves

Who exactly?

I don't understand why the OP is surprised at the response. There are so many mums on here who can't get their head around someone saying that they don't like their DD, and not seeing anything wrong with that.

Atkinson1910 and Itsallpointless where is the vitriol? There's a bit of swearing but that's allowed on MN and always has been - the couple of swear words are used in context, and don't constitute foul language IMO - it's not excessive and nobody is swearing at other posters.

The opening post is long enough to have given any extenuating circumstances if there were any. "It'd take too long" is a pretty weak and unconvincing explanation of why the OP (you, Atkinson1910 as you must know if you've been using the site for over a year as Shatner said) hasn't said why she doesn't like her own daughter and doesn't care if she never sees her again.

To stop caring if I never saw one of my children again they'd have to have done something which would make them unfit to have custody of their own children I think. Not liking the way your adult child is behaving is understandable, but not caring if you never see your child again is so detached and inhuman except for in very extreme circumstances.

To expect strangers to think someone who doesn't care if they never see their own child again is in the right about deserving to see her grandchildren without saying what dreadful thing has happened to create the situation is a gigantic stretch.

Has she stolen a lot of money from you or another family member, or attacked you or a vulnerable family member physically, or killed one of her siblings? Short of those things not caring about your own child is inexcusable and inhuman.

Unfortunately OP - there are a lot of women on here who were badly mistreated, ignored, abused, abandoned etc... by their mothers.
So with no back story we can't really advise.
I understand it must be hard for you not seeing your grandchildren.
Is there any way back for you and your DD?
Could you go to counselling together to help with your relationship?

Gransnet might be a better place for you with this amount of info.

don’t be a twat OP and other very harsh comments, ok maybe not vitriol as such, but the ‘tone’ of the replies, typical of MN.

hellsbells post states why there may be negative posts, and ‘speaks’ constructively without criticism.

The OP hasn’t put a ‘backstory’ in her OP, but basis the replies she’s had, probably won’t now.

Personally I think you should answer a post without judging so harshly initially, I’ve seen it so many times on here